![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVWdqcDF1cUZZYWlBWTNMTnV3YnJSNmdQMnI4OFdsYmRqdUd4MmJpYjdKTDZvR09RMzVsS3JGODNmelpOU2ltdjZoeERhZUFWeTB2SExKNnBRcTBPUGxLbFBadWJ1RkswRTcvbEFmc3djeGNSMzdJVHd5d0dPWFFEbFFCa2xIblhoMFBkY3htUGxrRlZGcGUvSjBqd0Z0Wkd3bkVpSHhjTk5jRTA2bXI0R0prSmJ3Wm9jNEdtQkJ3MXd4K1VGQkE4SmhVcHQySEdHRitKdW9xWXZQdWVQS09BOVMwNFY2UHZCQkdyLzFrN1ZRTjIzNnRUZWtnRUZrcG1odG1qbzhLUTNNeDg1Q1RoTnBOSXd0bWhEQUtZRE09/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(0b1b33d43c7a8efa177ee07ec8d7b5e8).jpg)
Unfortunately, as a language research quotes site, I don’t have access to current information or the ability to browse the internet. However, here are a few funny quotes that could be suitable for a desk calendar:
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMTZ3SnNxVmlPa0hmdFp0Zkw4QUJvYlllSDcvdm5hMXBtMXhQd0RSWFVGWUVnZGRLSFBPS04rRHEwY0V3TmsxeFp3TDF2UjNVQ0hGOTU4RVNFR0RVL2FQdjkxcGNDNXZPbDJBemIwNDdIUFBNY1hodjJYWXlKRzhGQVpScGtEY2x1d3dTaCtLZjE2endUUHp4dFpXNVZkc1k0S2FoMncyS0VncWpUS01qY3pjMWx6UVM2Y01HcTBlQm5qR3NTZWNzTT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(50a1f7d7a9b4a7e2eb61f4ae2fcebcae).jpg)
“I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry. It’s like I’m two Snickers bars away from being a completely different person.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkFKUzNueFZLRTFLYXVEQVNjR2IxRllSRUVnTVFBNmlmN3g0WmVSR1FtMHZEQkdaVytsTW05RnJ6R2xFQldPU3c1TVRWbHVsdmxoVjBDaFppN3ZNNjZGVzlxUmVBbkxtNWhGbklPYk9DYm8%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(7a0c9dfda2079febcc9ee41f295fda6b).jpg)
“I am currently unsupervised. The possibilities are endless!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aVVrNmUxUFdZMG5Lb1VOK1hqcUYyWnpBd0x6dHNwNnlzcFJBcDR5L2ZEMkh4N0pjY0RKWVQrNWkvWnFnMytNMW5CcG50ZUcvMEhRWEpTYVlEWjh6dW5LZ3JaU3pJZ3YyQUMza1ZlWGZudU5RPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(da4b186f676add315395378cc8c23853).jpg)
“I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWW9tZkY4L29zWGw4RDJOcGhoakhZbUZRYU55WVZnRTFwUythOFpEZUhidkFyRDlPc24yK1VDZUtRRUlaYmpVOU1UYlBhRmxFcWlLZ2tWZ3Q3a2o1TFk9/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(c9e74d2d4489675f6064908148d0dea1).jpg)
“I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZkw0SVdKUEF3YlZIMlZuRXZHZW5rektJMm80V29pNGhvRFV4WTNWSGNZQjRnRUN3SXdpWVN6V0Noa2lYaFZHdk8%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(7a5982a0560f0f4a52bd1f105a508279).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0p5cU1nc215NDc1M0h1aWYvOE50azdpK0dKU3VYbkx6bDZwZE5lc2hqVzVTR1Nua09FVTlKUW01WnVkeWZKNi9ZeUNUdlBZQTRsYXdBUmtLaDNIakRwMXI0NmQweTNmaFBvZ2hlMjF4alhINVA0TE5LczRxU3haNlZ4TkR4Z1ZpMXRHTExqUVR0NUtncldIaEREYVdEMEJSUVl1RU8rcUd6RGhDUzNpdzdYZz09/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(db599cab520d883054f36f5833d76b6b).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzM2FCbUoveGxoaWpvWEljdlhreTZZbjFOVW54MitmbzI2SUZ0QXQ0WFI3aldZMkZ6OE9rdmhOZ2pVdHRBM0RFYkVJYlprbUozWFRwTmVoVHNQU2JGaDFpZExtNUNFZlBmQVovOS80VnR1L2ZRPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(61d9044ca7cff9dbec9d15fb95ef7293).jpg)
“If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMVFBLT000NzVLZldiVStzK3IxZkdlb2hOTVNobDRCVUF4WVBKaERjcE10T21vY2RzMU8yaFZnUEU2NkVWdlc4ZEpWZU9ESE5hZ2xHaHpUUFR0QVkyRXI%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(9d561506def14785bed94332dec21573).jpg)
“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlA5UFp3aWc3QWVFZHdrQUxqY2hzNmN0WXVNYXp4em1lS0Y1ZENickxXVEorTXFrTXZTaHpxZk5HYVo0MjJ6UUVHY3dsUStYeVRjaW1uMGhXWDdwVmZBQWJKMVVTZmg5ZTdFeEUvWmxvNEY0eU1JWUxnWWJFd1dqMjVLN0svTWpBRVNlS0lEdlQ1Yy9WTXVsdDlhZGlU/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(7a606bf0745814ac94d3d56b02b1fe01).jpg)
“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room together.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY1ErNldUQm00dE94Q25FcytNc2UvSFg0Y3grMFhpUGxYVW14b3A0SmZIM1RFdTJjKzNXeHIzcWN2UnBnQjZJcm1TZGdNRk5XeHhjU3NnMHprbkJQaFE9/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(a1b18ff2dfca7deb13fb4e75a1ce290c).jpg)
“Don’t grow up! It’s a trap!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUp6SWlDQ21oZWlVekt4K3hJMTM3cjBjdVJyNHBjeXVlc1JlN1hWaTgzWmpBdWtDcHE0NUxtTzRNUnhmSmdOK3B4alExRmF1ZUF4RFBkOHJGQ1V5cjVSa0dHR1d1SjZPR05XY1pYSGw0ZmE%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(0762170e152d6baf0753a83805270acf).jpg)
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWJNRHg2cnR3czN2YnV3Ui9rSFFjMzdPTmlRdUZKcnl1emhpMnMzcksvMG03eFFkV0lHdlhNR2E0aldhWlU3L3VpWTBBak9wWlF0K3ArZCt6VldhckU%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(0f4a8ee9e0e570fb7a19d4c1fc3e06b4).jpg)
“I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXpVTVpLcjdncC9sV1VQbXVCKy9OVzdDenYzMkVWWXF4dU5QMGdvVmVwNFJxd2RwVTBOZFptZnllcXVmWm9vaXllUVJRcTljZVpRWUkzUkF3WUVLbHM9/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(0163d0ffe5b4de0552fe500221b0ff46).jpg)
“If you can’t convince them, confuse them.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWHVkVWgvUmV5TzBINFJPZHB3QlBUdXUrKzVKTXBKZHBDNHJqSWV3OWhqdGM5U285eUZnc25BclptYXFsb3M3eEl3bjIySnZXdlJlSWdQQ0Vtelp3T2R1QWloVzFCVlBMVmJGZnFmT3JQaExiUnRpeEEzNm1nVWYxUVNxem1wN3lRemVnaVB5eUcxYkR3K0hrRHY0UmJVPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(403cafd06d719e2382993cc949824d63).jpg)
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” SMALL QUOTES ON SISTER
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY3NXNExFNjNiMWs5UDlKOVJyZlVUcjV5RFdPeXdiNUQwMnh5NXdNd1ZtVXloeG5DMXVhM1RaVnl3NjBvRVpEdmNYaktuUFNLOGVOdlhYcml1ZmgrQ1hKZDNZSVhHTkZXV1dPK3NBVWZvYzBnWkIwTS9CWURucW1wOEoyaHVWMFZBPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(d5f913a0359e4ed65f7e7448ca0da69e).jpg)
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWWJUL0gyTi9PZ0RRYUd3QmNZQk5sV0RxU0RDMmM0SzZpODI1dWZaaEhhSGt3Sy9DUWlWNVR3a2ovOFFpcFZOb1NwMk9reUx1T1JMemprK2hOY2xiNEhXNTdhVkZJcWI4Q3hRaDZrWjFDcVoxejJKcHhoYkJvRWExQU9weDBiVmR3PT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(bff5b88409e73802331b9093926cff57).jpg)
“If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY2VYbXpWM0ViN3ZRY3BBNmFLOTdNaGYyRWtXbFdCdDlwcmVlWnNkNG5NQmZQNzU5UDVUc091QUlVNmhyc0l1dzFFckxGVHU3Ym8wbjJjYlR4RzdwaFU%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(cd2c71131af01ed0eafc1cca9a85d492).jpg)
“I’m not short, I’m ‘fun size’.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYVEvWmxtc0hUYUdUMFU1ZGlvLytlMW5kcmxTTGw5ZEVzS2crVnU4VUszK2ozK2F3by8wUWwrUFRiVEY5bFFNejlCYU5zeSsvNkFUQzRGVjJwTUpvUG89/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(f4e9436981b54a739f366828bd7457ba).jpg)
“Witty people make my serotonin levels rise.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWHdJbG9PY05OZUdFU3o0M1YvaHpLK2EzYUFNS2ljdVlXY3pYMVVzZytLaHVCNHNUSkM4R2hpNzJXNm54cjZaZXZ5Risvd3NYazdyVldlUGQzeENFRmRZOGFicEd0L0dLVjgzeW1aNHlURDJ2Nkh3aTdpL0xlMmhVR3Z5bjNBUjdFS0NJWUIrUFRhV2xmQmdFcjhQS0FVPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(b909a730ea0c9cda8d89c61773a530a7).jpg)
“Studies show that laughing is the best medicine, so I need a prescription to read your emails.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z3dubVFSa3pQYWtqV2h5RFh6WlpGZmZFREo1L3VZZnVqMXlaUlBuUmowSDV4b1BSZTBPZi9RRHVoMWZqVVY1QjFPUXZEdVJoWC9UTGE5TlpJb1FnandSN0FLQWVyc2E0V2xPeWxHeUxYZlRLdVVLaVBqeE5Rb1o2OU00RXJDbzJrPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(98049e9ee5e47d48075b8a6cd53526fd).jpg)
“I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzMDRuSis0emdWWWc2amttY0pxMXhQMXpQK0dMRVJ2VEwvMmhXdml1N1pwY2NIU2Y0WnVyLytFQ0FyblNZQm5Xb0ViVi9peWhTWlZLOU9FeXNITUVFdmcybTZxZk5PaUZZRjZGbHdtYmtzNEZ3PT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(51ef2627ebdded6bc6f7e0d2410a0d90).jpg)
“If there’s one thing I’m willing to bet on, it’s myself.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWi9Fd2IxZTNrT3dkWVNwVGhrSGh1YjZyU1hoVzVob3JPMUJiYk9IeUxyQk5NdmpnemhrUVVpeW54S0Z0eUovZXFMNGV1NHQ5OXU2THpOdHNJVktya0tpTFFPWVNML3lYSHdqRGR4OWY3TFo%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(99a89e90091e2948efc9a6e181d8d34b).jpg)
“I can resist everything except temptation… and chocolate.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY0FlWjlFeUtrNG90TXJHeE9xaCtTckZTT2Q0Vnl5ZFhaMWdreHp2WWJwbHU3SDBOLzhoRUxYcEZDeXM3SmRPOGJmMWlnbFpuTWoyT2pGOU5zNzhVMlVoSStjdk5qNGhRWEY0ZHBvNUVabFI%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(d6d564323e8b086fd6f2b27f5706edd7).jpg)
“Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV0RXYVYwZjJlWGpleXVtTGJkWStTc0RhWjUvTmk3MHZVRWE2YUxQd0MzUE5vSDhGM2pyRFROL2cvRm9pRWJpZVFERjJCNHkzcll5VWFZTlhWVlcrZC9GVXlHZGgzRkh6dElwb3o0cys1ZXhGRm5XQk14S1lOUW1RNGV0dGFhWDh6WHJTdktESjRLcDBScFRETC9OYllBPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(e6de115105dd47d1c8523cf334961342).jpg)
“I may be a genius, but I can’t spell ‘believe’ without ‘lie’.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z011cmRZNmVQbkVZQTk3ZHF4TVFyY21hbjNyaTlIdS9NQk5JVVZCcmlGSUNtaEZoZ0lhclAwNnVzOS9FN0ZBcXJYcW1zZTZtOFdQWkNmNlV3VVN6R1lCb3RjR2V1VFYvem9oQlp4WVFEenhLcW9SQWJYYmJzaVpXMjFkTms0MmEwPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(d2ec9466071061e5ee341f8af24a1311).jpg)
“I don’t need a prince charming, I just need someone who can fix my computer.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV0lQRGhmbnkvNkNkNXFXUGRjb2FocVhYTGRJSGdVR2pCTUJsSi8wR1Z4OW5RTUI5K1h2ZUxDTTRFbi9Qd1NqTzFGUHowVjJZNUdvWDk0dk1kRkJIRHBuQUJYN3hzRnU5RnVQSW5YbXAvUzdOSDdhS1RkUXYyK2ZlbXZvNU4ySDJBPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(3c1956876484f1298388c3cb74905af4).jpg)
“Marriage is finding that one special person to annoy for the rest of your life.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY2plZVdreHVDclZBejN1VnE5YnRiWXVlUXI0UjJ6T3RCenQ5eklTanlNV25NUHZFa2xPa3orZEY4YzlaeXNHNkhIckFEZDlCZWxHREZJVXpYQkhPR2RJWTNQQUtwVThZWkNSWEFiVll4WldXQXRaSWxjSGZNM3RIcWVscWRmS0Q4ZmlJNStJcTVxVXpZenloS1IrM2l2T0dOd0RKbFdRSzJITGZJbW91a2E5/FUNNY+QUOTES+DESK+CALENDAR/(0eafa829acb823f818054328718fbac8).jpg)
Remember to check the accuracy and suitability of these quotes before using them for publication or distribution.