![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVitycWlwejQ3YzlTRlF0azJ6WWd2UWdMdkJSRTVMZjM1WXNGTmVYaXNaUVduMHZMZXcxZk1weUVya2ZHZ1hxcmVvWGp6QXdiN09MaysvWWgyK3RYbTEyZUFwSkx1alVUNVh5L2JMdGM1UE8wakRUbCs3VmxrUzB3NE0vYlM1TGdBPT0%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(2865d9428b3123f382c3be7ecf628a4b).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes…She hugged me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZnRrRGdkVGhOSC91OWZONkFOajlMVnBZcUxxT2hqU25lZGZZbXNjRFRxcklQU3dWOVJ5U0NUMUc0eVV5RGNmc2U%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(279457ecd102113c9716b9de3c9758ab).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZk5zOEh0cDlFdnJ4aFByWXpKUENrRVR3czhRQUZ0aVRhVGVYTWUydlBwZytpNWgybHNSTVIxdzRsOWpnTVVVMW5KYmZvUFY2VE1BVVpYMUlwYitJRHc%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(0e90998ef370b611871bb2b6d7d2c0a5).jpg)
“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzM2w5V3lhQ3FwbHl4cFBlbDBBcVozSlJjWTVLeHpXaHJibnpUbS9yeUtxbW1kdUg5bnNYeWdHdHpvOTlkdXBoNUU9/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(6e8fbf5f8ec2182ecb2afd9862d70d3a).jpg)
“If there’s a will, I want to be in it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aXNWVkIvTEJ0TFRiM3FQMUdMMUt5cldjS3NlZjU0a1ZkZGY5M3h3TkVickRXZjFPOU9DSjZsNlNSV1grcW1tU09TZ09JTkZLb1E5UEhQTGsyN05oY1k%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(00eb21eb9d0dc854eb01af0b16f94573).jpg)
“I don’t need Google, my wife knows everything.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZW5vTk9XNzlNT3dVQ1EvYzdlV0RVbG5zQ29MUXQzRjJHcjVvYzU0T0U3Z0xiQm1URFNGYStUK1dnQ2NIL3hkYzFFZGVEcisyRWdBNE1RU2tSSmlIU0w%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(92af433421390c8e5bc97888f426acf4).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just allergic to gravity.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUhtam5XalBwQTFwYWFjRGpFRlhMbmcxTU5ORUI1MFB0eS92cU5uQkRIMXJENW9MMjVPenhIV2lXdFBwSTQrTnRPR0ZPYVc1VC9tSW4zNHN4Um8yUHQwdGpTT2RxczVMWWIycTVyZkFCTHVwNW1kNzBWWThZUmhjSGJzVXFrdFNRPT0%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(16f50e220d39bd78bba3c02639831bb5).jpg)
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M0dQWHA4ckNMSzVCTHhEVXVpYVMzYURlZWRMMUkyUlFxQXYxSmpTalQ3V2t1U3hKbXFENkZ4d1BDWE9nWllMVlo%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(d51e0e43006b0bdcbf1499fc2cb0ff02).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0tOR21CT0FGNk45NWkyNHVIUXpOTUxmOHk2NXR6TnovcHFYY1QwMlhDRzAvbDlPdFl0MXYrUlhncFVEcVJCV2I2UTJCd2FwZnNFaXVWUGVKbVh0d2dmbjB0VU5DdHM4aW5KZXR5MW8rSHR3PT0%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(5bf46e17864289d3f05ecd8774d1e8ad).jpg)
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYVg3UU5ZZk5IdVpmS2NUejlqQ09nSXE4ck82Z0M5OUJWT3FwOFVMVUZuUG1nNkpuTkhuNHJuNjNLbFhTcktPSXRLdHR4MUFtekdIVTdlaCtrbzVWOFVYeGJGaThodkV6SjkyUDB0RStvcndRc1l2VlYxd29nTnJKVUJjV0xBQXdRPT0%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(b346998514e08e7434a2f355d53c98a4).jpg)
“You don’t have to win every argument, just once would be nice.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDEvYmFLUE16dW8yOHRWTG90V0RmRVNBZDkwOWZzeWg5d2dqWWZuQ29QWXRRcm90SGdPWDU3Y2E3T01oUlFPZC93Z2IvSWhzK3dzTkJtTWhYeEQ0clcxQjZKcXpXYTRFWEl4eTVLcXFMeTB3PT0%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(0ccd3483a0c899810937f18dd44c7327).jpg)
“I’m not addicted to chocolate, I just have a special relationship with it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY3NueGQ2WjEzbnNla3JtTER6YzNwd1pIRi8xMHV4anBRNkJVVWV3Kzlna1Q0QnVuNHRkaXBxLzZlTTJYVzNzRHBqRFMyZS9QdS9SYjIzYkhvSjZZUXlod2RyTFk1TkZDTTRJQ3p2em9VdDdVNlNRNG84ZmtuNGJTbTFmUTJ2d2tRPT0%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(a2d66a71a31d7a06a6b5f053de427b4e).jpg)
“I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I’m blaming you.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY3NXNExFNjNiMWs5UDlKOVJyZlVUcjV5RFdPeXdiNUQwMnh5NXdNd1ZtVTg0N0JDN1h5N2pZbTBXUTk4T2Nmcmc5NVFqSkgzamZTS1RDRTVWYUFKQWwvYWMzTm9walp6Vzc4Y051VVlXVkM1QnRLWkE0K2JWQTFLclFUa1hvQ0R3PT0%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(5b301cdfe0f20ae2d47c690fffb09263).jpg)
“Common sense is like deodorant, the people who need it the most never use it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZm1LWjZhWFRvUDJ3R0JoR0wrMVowazhhTG5kWUxjMlNkeE5pb0hmbGZwWGw1djh2eno4VVdKOGVHY243RkFJMlJsMmFxdjVZTFpxUG4zUXNFV0dkQTE1QXdQemFWR2JDcEpYcHRBbWZ4UzdITDladzZ1UjlhejlCMDFtSWFONlNweXBod2FkeU1tNUhDejY0VWFGdnMycE14K2RmL0hqMTVPdjBPb1ExZ21Z/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(371edd779bb42ddc9e627b2796abdefe).jpg)
“I love everyone. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I’d love to punch in the face.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMUktyVHhXaDJURmdBOXdKdG4wWDhsU3BBbGpHTmtCbjlWdmtQMHNFSU9mUzlWRlByNHBJY1NTUS81cDFUT3VTbS9rVEdjWlVTMGZhTDcwZ3Z6alRlWWtYdDdyd2pBd00yUzJmR0VCWVpEbFRnPT0%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(c5dba9bc1fe9b01f932fb7e21acd740e).jpg)
“I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.” GO CASHLESS QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWW9tZkY4L29zWGw4RDJOcGhoakhZbUZRYU55WVZnRTFwUythOFpEZUhidkFyRDlPc24yK1VDZUtRRUlaYmpVOU1jR3hzZHBnSStJMWx6dis4L1F0V009/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(fc2ae93ebb00d48b67a7f8e2cf6c1ce8).jpg)
“I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M0dQWHA4ckNMSzVCTHhEVXVpYVMzYUZ2N1ZlVS96RWpyeW1Bc0VINDROSlc0Z1AwUzRUUjZBOVNFeFp5VnlEcE4%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(dc77b5415a0799d79dfeded764a5e27c).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are still upgrading.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteGVVazRVSFV4S1BJNGtUL3dJanhPbTFqVzA0SHhaTHVMcEdsTTlkVVNiNnFzZ0JpcnVncHIzN1dWNjJySGppTmQ0Ty9VQ3R2TDhXbTFlWGs0K1U4SUw%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(481217e31a64ddbb702688ff131ea0df).jpg)
“I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWJNRHg2cnR3czN2YnV3Ui9rSFFjMzdPTmlRdUZKcnl1emhpMnMzcksvMG03eFFkV0lHdlhNR2E0aldhWlU3L3Z6dDJRc2UyS2ZoRzZIK3JaU2l2WUg%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(047e6d89357614e5af1c013191fd154c).jpg)
“I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYndLOFU2SlBFd09CTk1FMDBOZHpUNjFKd1VXNEo2c2FqbHh5M2x3endWd09GaE93aDZoM3pZcU5aVFJ3eit3YlJmblROaVZaNk5Nc0xFa3dyKzhFR09UWVVWMlRFU04yb2FuS0F0dks2a1k%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(b794cb2c976edc64c940cffab16cb299).jpg)
“My patience is wearing thin, and by thin, I mean nonexistent.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjd4OWpqWDdMUGZKZFFZSVU5KzJjazd3KzFrSW52WHJ1SjRqSlY3YnhLamJWczZ2WVpGY25Mc2lwUjJkZzBJVlFjVFUvVHArWVRUa0puNUpkbUhUdStRNHBSdFdaZUZ0WEZUV2JVbjIvbno%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(9239d66782cc19a3e70f8ea72af778a4).jpg)
“Why do we park in driveways but drive on parkways?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFelVwUmVpcHFqdFQ0VkhpbGlvWkdlRk83RENramRNMGNXV3ZxU1oxRko5OUxCMTVaTHpqbzhCWmZKb0FqaS9pTVJ6MUY1UWEwWTMzTGxTTkM1cENnVWZLTW00MjJWakRsRXltcEhib0RNaDN3PT0%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(8e5c58a48fed5f04682379cb39a9110b).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes…She hugged me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV01VVG8yK2dRZStNcGVhSnYzTGhWTlN3WmdQbWlBRWRTaE1OdjZ5c0tWMGdDVGIyY1N6Vkt0RTJITnIrQ1MvRzNRZEFPdThuWC9TaVFMaTRvUTB6b2xnVWFxNkJkT3NiZGNjNDRnem95S25Vd0xXcGVmdUhibitVQjcwa3RyOWtxNjBhQWtKMWpQQzd5aHVqZDltM0h3PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(4d57f747351303957c2d7a347e60604d).jpg)
“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZFlaZ1ZuM1VERFZCMWJuWWVLWDkvTFNRM1FERGE4TTlhS3p2bHF1UHVJSGlRUXhlN21JWmdvK2tvc01HKzRMcDJoenFzWTVYK3prc1NJd2dEUlU0aW4%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(fa3ce03147402ab85879b22b0cb4c714).jpg)
“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZU5QU1p0dld0RWhIS1NTTWJRVGNNZ09kM2YyQkhJOG0vT3hpUkI0T1VScmUwNVdIaEZYTUhoV245cXY1dFhoUk9aR25Hekw5Tm5DQnBLZ2V5Q1VJUHlEREQ4SUZDTXY3Qk11U1ZFeCtkVms3bitmOGhsSUtJNzU5R1Z4WFR4VUZFPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(09145e87c5e5ca475dcdf271d3f0ec2f).jpg)
“I’m not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I’d drink it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDUzQnRMVGFUT1FGYmp3TnIvTXNKMEQzUFFzRXA5dWdvZk13N3ZGbGJDR1RyUUw5M0lwakxOYWlPNm5Cd0x1Z2ZJYm5XcGxYN3F6TzljYTFyN2lZYit6cTRRZW1OUHRWempMYnU4dEVPN1hnPT0%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(943857a8b67dc43ed23aaddee8df65a3).jpg)
“I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZkw0SVdKUEF3YlZIMlZuRXZHZW5rektJMm80V29pNGhvRFV4WTNWSGNZQjRnRUN3SXdpWVN6V0Noa2lYaFZHdk8%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(7a5982a0560f0f4a52bd1f105a508279).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBtemRZWFpRTnk5ajlTckRmdHVBS2t4S1dSY2U4Yk5JdmJVS1Y3My9QRW5BZGE0Sks5TjJUY0k1TGlsM1dVaFpUZTRQVzlJNFgzMk1NeHhoeVdabjcxMFU%3D/FUNNY+MOOD+QUOTES/(162e449b9e429c95916ba0de900747d1).jpg)
“I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.”