![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYW9ZQnZKS2ErOUEwcW91ZXF3bUZ5bGVwMDZPYWtPQW1zdWpDS0V3cVVUelFvd3pDVFVCV1ZLY0dHVDRtT2pXVkE9PQ%3D%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(8356065e0e8edcd545a67d5d78266f5b).jpg)
“Victory is mine!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVV3UGd5a1RVczQ2UlJ0UUkvSk9DS24yb0Q2SmxJMHpuT2N4dFFTa2QwZmVjWExMYUJjN3haNUc3N09nSVJzdGxsM0ZZMThkV3RiRGdMSVhvM3NNQUk9/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(ee2ad32cdae2541ab654738ef4b63106).jpg)
“I like you better when you’re quiet.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUi9XdnYwUXp4WDZZckZVdTBXbHV5aVdrUHlwTGw5Q2tLd2JqUC9JMDFWNQ%3D%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(f4e502d35ad6d9e4de9736dbca747fea).jpg)
“What the deuce?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU2UwOFIzSnBPMTdqNFZiTTVyWTFCeW5BNTJOOTlHTGJ4aXN0M1BKWVZUeEVhdUlVdmliSkZYbXMya0h3UU02Z1E9PQ%3D%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(2bfa3eea30beedf8c05dfef16216bfe7).jpg)
“Damn you, vile woman!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZnNmVVNyT1NaQmsrZFI2MTZ5ekF1RUpja0FBZ3BRRGljOXVac25hd2o3OFBzQkR1dEg1LytsbEFEdU03T0ZQTVpUS1RkVG93bDZyZGtLbVk4QW9NZkw3ZWgzUWZidzN0M1RaOEQ0R1ZUeThRPT0%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(87e07fd932ecd9f2ef6291cba9bf30d3).jpg)
“I’d love to stay and chat, but you’re a total [expletive].”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYTBXMHJ5TldnT1dTNmxoNldkd3lBSzc0L0dWM25lVExkelFsMmt0dHRPemExdzJNdCt3NkV4c1lCRGFXbm4xK2taMzV5U0J1QXJscjFhTVAxS3JOOTA9/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(615e05943a06a36b643782f45ea17dd5).jpg)
“This is my house and I’ll do what I want!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZnNXbktBUmNoTkJ4S3dnZERzbytvSi9KQU9ONTJxbk1ydWt5djd4aEZhMDZvb0NpUDQwdVhjM3Z4ZmZMU3F1SnpYZ3RpQVlvTitXT3VEa2JjMzFrS3U%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(fbe0923da9288b2d01a489ed4d28609d).jpg)
“I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUi9XdnYwUXp4WDZZckZVdTBXbHV5Z1pUaXh0TC9YSi8ydDM2Y3ZaQ05wY3pjUDNybWRjSS9PTkhaRXByQlIwcG15dkttNEMyZGlzaHEySE1WeE5JU2FJMVZKeEg2OS9QS0VuSXlNenM5SldHOTVCMXcvcTR6UEplNUdPdXRTRmxBPT0%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(86929da3bad5ff7f0f25d1a23ab6291a).jpg)
“What the hell’s your problem, you big, savage, undeveloped brute?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZnJxZTczMktsM3ZCSHhwWnBySWRPeWlQbk85NDk3SWxJbHNGWk81b3BCSW5SRHNlUHVFcmp0azQ3NnJVNzhRdllIWkpGcU9wRlowM1ZSY1lRUThFN2RISWQ0bXBhaGw0ZkpOWEhaT1BGaXRET0NnOUovVWN1T3ZKM1MyYnloKzFJPQ%3D%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(b051d77d9ecfd953805815029dfd1367).jpg)
“I’d help you, but I’m not a licensed therapist…and your problems are stupid.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWFFPb0JCYnFHR0lvM1dTL0pSeEcveW5zQ09ycm8rYlNta1d4M2tCK1JjNTJMT2d0ZUQ0TWhsUlVEOEQ1bkRYU2tvMFdDTFdBUHlUdmdrdTNJMlF3ZFdxYzU0bmwzWVFjd1Z0dGdMY0VMakI%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(b23c61291a767698fa39feb4382efba1).jpg)
“Lois, if I’m not back in five minutes, wait longer!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z0k5Lzh5aDZpSldacUpZL3dsQlVqc09INVh5bDNuSDdiRG91b1JhbTdsdXlMc2lvaC9jL0wrQWJLM1dCOUQrRmhHTHd5RUxLNHYxdDdlS3VkOVU4bXNXVVJ5QkVLUUVGeWxCa01FREVhTVMzaU5wUVNaYXZUeU0vVFZoYnh6THBvdkVESldWZ3NWVnNNUVhwMXhUejNiY2l2OWVUKzJVYlhEaWtwL0cvcUpGRlFZdXRXdmx1dWtBOUd3blViVENXZz0%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(bf578283affd55a6c64d239e8cf03e53).jpg)
“I don’t mean to sound pretentious, but I think ‘Lois is a man’s name’ is genius.” KUNG FU MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZk9DVmc2QTBiZVFsZ01WQ1pjQWt5TTlhaDYyVm1RTHZYQXJ0Z2YyNGdSQ1pqQWFQZGlqQWtSY2lSU0dkTnJzTGx5Qjc0UXN1SEVNanc3U29QWnBIdlExZWxyZloweFcxVzBHSTMwZStxM0lzb0Q0N3VHSnpFcjdpWFNkOTNvaWkwPQ%3D%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(cc9116834e15355bc43726fffda12806).jpg)
“I’ll be in the back, playing with my toys, or perhaps ‘pleasuring’ myself.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVlhNODRrRWxwdUxMejBwOURVZ1loMnJ2a0FXcnRyL0ZHckcrVThNUHpsdVowVmhxUS9IYXRTMzVSdzlxVDdTeW5SUlloRlRraE1OVENWZEc1Zk1oWTQ9/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(5262eae92e85f71467858edfe0ae62b1).jpg)
“English, mother[expletive], do you speak it?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZEpBMy8rdjFRaDNWWkYxVTdBSVU5aXdacWI3ZlZnL0JCM0ZqR3JBQVF4dnhmS2dpNUJQcGI5b1pHa1Q2a1NMcDlzVmhMamp1dGs5SjhXYmtoNHdKNm9vajJxNi9mbWxrZ1dUd015STdvdFhRPT0%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(a478ae00812ea1ba4203c02706f2b4eb).jpg)
“I’m going to do what I do best: lie, steal, cheat, and survive!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYkNWNXFST2JYUXY1WDRGalRmYVhLK2YvTFR4U3dmekZpbVIrcVdGd3NjaHB2MmZRMWpKYXlXNnFENTBwU0Fkb09FRlpaQ1NGQkFUYmcyeWYzSTBtL2ZEVm1PcXIzL1FaRTB6LzhkanpqQXFaMy9samVwOXFpakgyd3dONHhxSld6YXJDMGlIZFhVbUlWWUpYYzNqV0hkbUUxUFB5bXNvRnFlZHc2NFdKcnhqb25vYno4VGhFNDNaRjByM0J6c3M0bEI0TjZlUjVDaWJrNUZlYyszeGlZVXJyMElhdSt6NDRmVDBQN1F2VWcwQg%3D%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(deba946c859ac91ad6afb606f26b52c7).jpg)
“You know, mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get. Your life, however, is more like a box of active grenades.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYzdiS1k1N082NmNvTnhMYVZ1WkVjUmZrOUNrT01XUTNieENOWnJBL0FvamxtWWRmaWRjNHRlUitOcmhlL004R2ZjRkFFcU95WEpVbktxdnhnOFQyUHM9/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(ee40154b03fcb90e9b83d196d326e03e).jpg)
“I am a child, and I must be entertained.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVFFSRTJLaHZwY3BIVklOeFhMUEZCK3pZOEtxOG03MUdVYXBtMHJMY1RWTGtsTlRBS3lhZEpxc0hjSEc5WkFFekRMWGlOb3Y0Y0t0YWNyQnFvTHJqanFQd2I1ZFo0d0VtUTdBZUpvS3VGd1dkUkN5cHpQTGVWMkFsMHE2emNrS3k4dWNWSldLN2VpWkdvYkppM3FnRjhiempVYTBqNU5tUHlZQVJhVlZ1MjE3QiszZFZkeWZZQ05aZWZoazczb2s2Y3hmRVE0UmpmZmp3V1FqVVQwa0thMURYa2ZRN0JPUk5YU0hLKzBuSk11TmhHVUlzcmkzUjFZKy8yVitzUzZMcVRVYSsxT1VoejBuN2ZhakR4U0lTa1hWMGN6ZUxMSStXUHltR1NMWjdTVE93VkFublQxb1dSczVHSFd0cnVCVGdBPT0%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(41d98fdc67dad3db0fb744a3c3198341).jpg)
“If I’m not mistaken, I think I found your problem. You appear to have written ‘Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony’ when it should clearly be ‘Yankee Doodle went to town… in a JET!'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYlV1clVLQXVGK0t2amN1ZzJhcUZEY242dWExMktFRHdZZU96RkpqZG1TdzR2RXhKbkliY1hKdWRadGZ0RVNxMHNVWXV1VGljUnRKZTVEcWJQZkY0U293b1dsWitmZzJTTE5qQ2pvNk4vTHY%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(dbea4dab376bf0c1ce822158a2f72ab1).jpg)
“Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a kick in the groin.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZGxWYjMvc1RVSG80anRvUDNsUFJhZzBmeFB5SlFuVmREVGR3bU85UnYyMFkra3oyVnlkRmhmOURDOE5VbzdWVXZLRmNXamNadk5Jb1JBZ0tQSi9GT0orZ3g4dXh5SXN6L2tBOEZubUFNM0g%3D/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(58f8c52a4e3a2295def5a99188547f4e).jpg)
“Oh, I get it. You’re famous for being a moron.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2amxMWFlPQnYyZHFlZENCL3dhTGg5Y001a2hiWGtiYjZIcktGOFVsaTdUSXN4QzNCbFp2cnQ2NGJQcnZONHo4aUhiMVJEa213MmtZS2xSekZLVFFOMGdTaHZpQXRVUEpXVUUzeUxjU2NyU25WR3pXd1R3bGVIMXJHZEJUQmoybFIvcUdlSDlwYzBhK2QvOVRyTmU5eVNZ/STEWIE+GRIFFIN+SHORT+QUOTES/(19d82110c033095718bac900fcb5d272).jpg)
“I don’t care for your tone, little boy. I suggest you keep your mouth shut unless you want to get WRECKED!”