![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWE90bWZTRDRLdG1tUFRBaDhLeTB0MVlzWGxFUHE5RlZWWWs4NWkvT2lkaGMxeENrZFNmNUxFU2pjclJYSlBYWHQvV094ak9zbGthK0prZXV4MkxVZVNWNXRxMmxrbzArdGVMRlZuVmdKbyt0aXN5b3JXbENnazNXOVRiUEltL3hFbXM2R3dmQ1ZjYXZrRGpqNm52blFHempTY05WbTB6cHZ3cVNBamh6c0N5/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(fae4d2157aa668ddf4fbacb13b849307).jpg)
“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is definitely not for you.” – Steven Wright
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZDBFaVExN2s5YmVYN2NmeEVHNjY4dFRvY0c3Tzlram1ON0R2ajBWMURXazlRUmJaTGdiV2FKbTNQTUpNb2FNMnBpbjl6TWZWK3RjK2pPYUMrSHJqSzgrSWZxTmRGTkFSYVJTYTliblRiRGg0S2hNY1pxTlNtVkh2Mkx5SVlsSUVEWFRvajBWOU9zNnZ5RXlQZjVvM3JDaHBvdjRzV0NEYmRhbHdYZktWOXZUaUwraHNRN1c2UWorSndzY2dSYlUwM3RYQ0ZucVhTVHVoR3lLT0VKVW5BUkhLTUloUkZ4Z3V6blFFVDJBaFRmVTJvRUVMbElBKzBCUUJ1alg3MFRGOUE9PQ%3D%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(14bf250634c2afcdb7b3d5f7e451839c).jpg)
“I have learned that when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVEl4U1ZwT3lsT1RmZmoyMzFtcGNZWHFkYXlxZGF3cjByd3BGS09ib0FOY0lVMFRDTk5YbEdzMm1LZWRxamlkWlJabHRseDBkZWM0YlQ2eDhFM3FzZE12djdtK2ZLZkVZOXpUS0VSbXlSSlRFczVUbkRHS0FYSEwrVGlJS1o5N3JhZzBuRnJyZVl0Q01vaVA4OVQyL1YvVHJKOTkvMWRxMXgybnlUaUZSMlRr/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(c20070bd1d121216f1a38029c8b43f88).jpg)
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYUtuVlM3WDFuWlRoZEdaR1lGSU1NdVpzcFc2NzVsZnNMVjExV0dNWUhQK21TeFdqVHhTclcwdnhpWktWd3pLalhpZ1ZlQjhSb282ZnVabEJyRWNPN0tPOHFOMVZqRnlpUEV3VGpSYm0xM1c2UWhUdG1OL09GZUFXYWlrMGg2eXMvb2FTdDB5c3l3RytITTJHb0JaNlRiWmF0Tys3SlpBZElINjAvdDJMN1ZTOHN4bk9aZVVHUWk3K0J1SEEzdkpQWVNkWmtkWjlCT0daSzE2QUZwQlRYa0NPRUF4RkxxMWt1b25YSTQxdU9GZitpcGhBM3Y0SGtYWUE3bGVaL1RSaWZJTEg4RGxCUG9acnZzekV4eXdmcFR6LzZSbnYyblV1TVpWRkpRTEI3Wm8%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(f8827b8a7478a4cef2f8a870ab31b988).jpg)
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzMEZKVW50TW54dDBhblVKeVRPek9qdkVzUXZoVGdSeTdYRTJ2Uk9LNDd4b2tsWFJPZDJZRndWNWJQZ1RpN2ViTkNpZVhqYmQ4amZoYzl0ZjBVRlpTWGhmZlVRU2NFYlNWM09xMlg3L2FLdnJSUy9jVmRmYkEzVDBkZFl3T2VPdlByekV5QzVJcm5lQ0d4OFBkRkFjallGQzZVazlDMVVQL3FjU2N2UDllZmhPNG9FK3Zma3k3WitVTzhCSEowaTRaSkk0YS94Q0pHMU15dDNHZVZSOU4zMA%3D%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(7b405b377b14c7cc73a291182ae51bf3).jpg)
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?” – Scott Adams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXN0cHFIUk1KWCtGVk5oa2VxNG9vbzBoYXFLdDAvc2F4eklNZEkyWG45RHlwVVBISHRjVHVwSjNLb2lORUoyNDRINzRLMnB4eklQWlROaFd3Z3hMdFJ6RTlkZVNGNlZCRDFPVkFtUUVOMm8rZGdTQU9nWTV4VGFjaWZpYTU5VWgxekpFTnNDdU9aT0hja3JFTUJkdzREZzg2bHErdmQ0amU2RVRpRm94ckt3KzdkMjY4QllINmY5K2owaDBNa3ZFbm9uU0pteWRqZWkzWk5QQ3BsZGV6bz0%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(b167193d1f083f77c77f675983e8fdc3).jpg)
“The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know anything.” – Josh Billings
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY0JrOURQZFBUdHFKMFFOTUEvVDV6eTBmTUl3TmRHdjBEVXozeW5CYkttMkZIMFI2V3pST0ozMjlVay83Qk5uWUk0TjBFU1BJelZrK2I5L2piTFVIcTQ4OFY3SERGNTJhb2N4cTE1ZWlnK2wxR1RvMElvTm04MHozbTI5Z0FBeC8zRC8wYjRabU1ycUNXdlVOSFV5bnRYZkVKK0FkRE1RQ0N6UnIyNUZXcDlI/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(303a97eda8058787782207078b72b3fe).jpg)
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” – Douglas Adams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteUpQMFZzZlh0UmtyVzZxSFBVZzhOMU9kaWd2QmpUQUlwWERGK1ZRV1BzOWYwSjVXNm9QcWlHOFV4Lzl5RUd3RHB3UWp0L2lwYnpTL21ObjNMek9LTlAvTDJhdkRsY2Z0c2FSMFViSmZGZnBnPT0%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(193842f4c2c9cdd90745b7513b7ad0d7).jpg)
“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUp6SWlDQ21oZWlVekt4K3hJMTM3cjBjdVJyNHBjeXVlc1JlN1hWaTgzWmpBdWtDcHE0NUxtTzRNUnhmSmdOK3B4alExRmF1ZUF4RFBkOHJGQ1V5cjZ3UVlVb2VOcmFWVDJxRlhDSjhDR3I2LzFyaitqVmh1S2Z2aWhyT1h2azhRPT0%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(01f435d686cd2c4f8a96891a6320f1b0).jpg)
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZFlaZ1ZuM1VERFZCMWJuWWVLWDkvTFNRM1FERGE4TTlhS3p2bHF1UHVJSGlRUXhlN21JWmdvK2tvc01HKzRMcDBwclZaVmpybmxDdVcyT1dUd0tsZm1YWHhMbTBWZEpMNmlMOU1tdWFuek5jamZmajFXQTFCbTBMcHVZa3Vpc1VVPQ%3D%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(fc2e3060299f5445310279ab4142dea4).jpg)
“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZGp6T09aRFByOTQ1K3hGWW5pemlUazdrcHZMcFdKamJvenZzQUN3TU94aldGQ2paYktmR2luUW5jRGtQdFRoeSswR2lpQXdNYlhlWi8wSXd1TDVIQlVTcnJEWU9mdDJwdzBRK3B4MExNSGc5TmlBa1pVYnd5ZjhveDl0L0EyZmJBPT0%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(ebb0de21ed1d744d9423a9e3e4925799).jpg)
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZGp6T09aRFByOTQ1K3hGWW5pemlUbkY0amNEbzdXb3p0eXhYUjlzbEsza0h4c0ZVWlZMdmY1UG8rMXRYMVoycnMwdnh3U1I0N2x3NjZsUkh6ZUxrZmxPMkwxN1k4NmZRbzl1aDduQ2M3S3NlV1YyQ1JOQkJBeHF4TnJkYUZ3K1pnPT0%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(46b9034a06ec08b78fffad1f98101455).jpg)
“Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?” – George Carlin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZU5QU1p0dld0RWhIS1NTTWJRVGNNZzVWM2pwaDljRXNvRWFMYWFsbTB4Z3hUYzRrODBPYndNVGVlRTkxWCtvN0xEWVFoLytYbWRwSURIZm92eTJVU0l5eERudXRUL1Qxd3ZRdG5SQ0RDNE0yR3VoWW4xckVzZDdSTC9VOE5IcVV0WDR2OVQ2ZW4zaERDSEVpaFBzSmg2/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(8ea400d5c35349a5b17da7b645f4eb6a).jpg)
“I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXN0cHFIUk1KWCtGVk5oa2VxNG9vcUNxZW5DK3h2NXNLTlFWYkdUK1NBdXVlWUVuc0tvNmpxbXJ5VzFZOFBrNStESWRXM2NwNEhXa09rMHhDckhrTTdpUEdTSkRjQm8zRVRMSHd2ck1WMmNkb0VlVERyTjlWM2pvUTBwa2RXQjZ5alpFdWFNTndSMDNDb2Fhb2tSSG1kdXFMTUxwSldvZGRPSTd6YXBaM0UzQkN6L1YvVUFMQjBVNW5sdStJVDZ3dz09/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(65e73c369b4cc919c185592befa6b7b9).jpg)
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray YOU KISS BY THE BOOK QUOTE
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUklIMnBqL2JpNFVqc0dRNFd0cWwxT2pWVkdZbGIyYkx3UTIyb0V4SjZHU3dIOWVtekJNbUNZMEhUREZYck5wMlJ2Z04zUWo2Q0Q5Q0FwM0xTQVFwTEFQQTZlQU53M2lIbnJYajVpaHQ1aUJ3a0VzOUd1bHZTNVJTUUsydkN3M05OQ2IvKzlHK01FTStEc25RbHZYZHBOeTBNMGpRWWxkcFhqMjNUZjJkMndpUThvQ2ljeE1sU2VyZStLYkNWazh2eGZERHczcUNVUjdJMFFjUVhrNkNPL3VBSDUzSEV4S0hIckF3b1BIMUlBZA%3D%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(7cbb8560defc16951f1c69deff79b250).jpg)
“If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in a staff meeting – because, boy, does that hour feel like an eternity.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0p5cU1nc215NDc1M0h1aWYvOE50azdpK0dKU3VYbkx6bDZwZE5lc2hqVzVTR1Nua09FVTlKUW01WnVkeWZKNi9ZeUNUdlBZQTRsYXdBUmtLaDNIakRwMXI0NmQweTNmaFBvZ2hlMjF4alhINVA0TE5LczRxU3haNlZ4TkR4Z1ZpMXRHTExqUVR0NUtncldIaEREYVdESk9GYnV0cXFiZ3RKaEp4a3BCMmlIbUdHNGI2TVZRbmwvc1RSWU1JLzdNWT0%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(d1d2968bb9259ecc696feb0e55631772).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRWbmNJamdWWk5kdE1wNTlpMjRWU2RQWXhDbjdhamZORUhIZEwrS3JkbHF1MzNxemJHWE5oczY2UkkzdWFGa3R3OEkyMktiWGFiamJiSU1VV3IwT1B5YlFseEFXU1NqL3gyb3BnUVR0Zkx2eDY1bFdkSlZHV01EMndYbzIzQVFtNzUwaG95ZTNpVmV0ZXFJaG42KzFlWG5pT0Y5RWphTWlhRW5hdGdBVTNESnBENkFkbFZGY0xHZm9MWUlwRFYvZz09/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(3e7e50480d3d4da77b49bf2d7cab315c).jpg)
“Life is like a roller coaster – full of ups and downs, and sometimes it makes you want to throw up.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWXFGTUJidEVySVVtamFaV1N3a2d6OStZRXlhVytmTTdlSzJDa21pT0tNQjVFQXN4OEFQNEZ5bzFWNjRFbTJnZ1RYVFVXU3ZtdGlnSjk5V1BEWnErQ29WYmlNcWh5NE9pMmZQdTkzd3V4V2FweGJLYk1RSzJVb3lVWHFMUmwrTzFBPT0%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(efdfce102e7e311cbebea3d7711445f3).jpg)
“My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUjQxN2pUVmhYM044N2Q4WEp1TG5CN01scTUrcXFTUklFUGVyWFVpclhWUUZwQlA2dXU0YzFDaUhpeWFCek4rUCtWS1NuNm13dzFXNjliNzUxQjZIUVVtTlZIdXVyVFRCblhjcis4V01PN2plUWNzejRxc1ZOVFE2MjV3QmxIcW9scElUU0NJK1N5WU8zdCtxcHhKQktXZGZDeWhhR2czWWtXL0lxTlRqaGNmQW00YkIwNWxDbmIrRzFCYUtFbFlvZz09/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(b203454d6ee5bd294864476fe93e482d).jpg)
“I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones – that’s why they are called cell phones.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYzMzMHo1dDFsTzVpWXZ2a3d5R2psMGh5R1UxNlF2WFJZNUJPVDZkNm85VzdiakJ6U0ZFY3BGdzNEZDl2bHcydENBM0MxdFgzZkw3YkIvVklFMEkwZTdxZGR3TmlVZ0s1MXdyUm1JaHkwcVVTZmp0cE4zYUNFT1JlaldDN0NjSlJ3PT0%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(38aa92ab8f07497e3813184f04d179a1).jpg)
“God created the world, everything else is made in China.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3YzemhRSDRXc2FLckJiRWcwSU5ZVUVwaWF5UlJ0QnY1OVR5RDkwYTBaNFZacDBOMUZqeEQ4elZ0bm1YR3cxemR6cXE1di9jZnl1UjdtUThaSlN1TWx6R0NuN2FoUXpRVGRnY1liNDkxMWVsREhWaGpKcmxvQTJJK0R5Sm9JL3lzeVFNelFVb2lMcnVqUTlZMWRGU3cxajVUeFpRdEk1REFJT1pnWmswUVc5TS9CRU5ERUw1cTVPUUw4aVluOWtvTXBOWVpJVCszbGJ4VEIyUXRLYWZvOD0%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(b76943e76a6be6f8fcc96de137309cc5).jpg)
“I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZVVha0ZRc0M1WmFyZXZiVFJaa3EvUER6QnFFaUJIdEwvMSswdXRYUVhpNFpMM2pPeEJ4OWwyY0dnaG5zQWkwMkFDZWhLZ2lkUW1YMG1sWUtyZGRkVXlzZWxFNjM1Tzdka1Jycko3SG5CUGVVU1pKblNBKzA5VzhoZ0hZbFRXbndkazJsQVJCbktjNjE3RHZyM0pmRXp3ajRMRWZOOXV4ci9mNlExSFAzZ0xl/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(1eb9ddfa941cf4af2f273fd329f2b277).jpg)
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlA5UFp3aWc3QWVFZHdrQUxqY2hzNmN0WXVNYXp4em1lS0Y1ZENickxXVExYNHdRM3VVb3ZYYWRtcWNkT3pyU2hObVJxK0lDNEs5ekZtY0tnQjR0aitKeXRiUTRvU0d0QURBUFhpRHR1LzFnTmE2SHcvWXFlZWZpclpLaDNqRTEvNW1tQ2lST0JEb2I1TWJ3RUhFRXRVUHFyQ3Bhb3BsZE1XaVhxZzNYN0NYZz09/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(f78dbc36c672542870ebba1e36b13bff).jpg)
“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room together?” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjd4OWpqWDdMUGZKZFFZSVU5KzJjbmlQVWF4QmMrOTB3Z0JxcGRZU0VvZnp1NkZ6dWN1ZXdJbUFVc2pMbXpGNVFvd0c3T1ZpMDJMRU5Yd3dUWXNmM1pNWmNlekNXWmdYNE85bVYxR2d0ZVhlSWZPZmd3cjJ3aS84bGpyZ0QzQjBpSnB2WXJXaUg1d2Y0OHBaREdUYlZVS2dlc1dlbnNDMXNSUlJzTVBPQ282/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(5f1ff697e31c67e5934c69178007865c).jpg)
“Why do we press harder on remote control buttons when we know the batteries are dying?” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDEvYmFLUE16dW8yOHRWTG90V0RmRVZvb0l1dXdpMFVUdStsN2VOYXJPN2psamJKbWttSk5KQnhieUhGYmRQMlQzeEdNbzYzMjBVN3VCV2htUjVuakUyd2dMdXVVZmIvYUhrMW5FbWNpYnd5V3V5WWtVajNyejlyRUIrMGt0REc4PQ%3D%3D/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(e0c6811751f664aa5815e81c65cbf920).jpg)
“I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just in a committed relationship.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzMytza2JtMy9TbUpzTVk4c0dpcFdvcXNxK2UwSGN6ZG5ta3ZlM3BtamNUZ2tuNEFVc1NOcjJUcndDM3AxSWd4bGNIdXNzQjM3M2o5VjJvWXBUb0ZjcldLWW8wdkJlVUc3R0t6bVhJdUg5QWlkM0o0WXN0SmRVbUh4SWlxdW0xTFZRaTlNc1ZZWWl4SGpKNXBvdW9Hd3c4bXdpSG03VS83WUR4WXNZbEpiN1VHZz09/WHEN+THINGS+GO+WRONG+QUOTES+FUNNY/(56529a9ab1aa7227f25f3dd921ef84a1).jpg)
“If there’s no such thing as a stupid question, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?” – Unknown