![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZGc0WG51R0xMRU1NN2tkVU1neDJDbkNOVGdLdGhJTW1FOHI0ZzNWWE5GWnFab2IvTWlQTXQvWFNrYzFJbVkybjh6TkZsSnlvdmRaTGdGbGsyLzBpSXRXTTZyU2xUNzk5ZGNPcVRDSjVuZ1Q4bG0zNFdZeklWbExyMFBYOHM0Tlk3UzV3dUhwNlB0TDNrNTVKTFlSbWhZPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(bd7536e78c821991e85fa97159407ba2).jpg)
“I wish I was as thin as my patience, but unfortunately, they’re both nonexistent.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzMzh5ako0V1d5eUc5WlFTZGJQTkRRNUZQejZydDNxaHp1TUNaZ05uS3ZiT3Fqbi9iT1d5Rk15YUtGaDBwMk44N2dVV3JJWEdGNGk2VCt3Tk4wa2hhWUJlTWlOUFdRQWQ2NS9rMElMZ1hiVnlnV1dJb2FRRnVjeEVWSXE5eHk1aG9ZPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(c259e6294727e0ddf2d4d6952c4de723).jpg)
“If there’s cake involved, count me in. If not, let me know when there’s cake.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRWbmNJamdWWk5kdE1wNTlpMjRWUlZpZ1k0SktCNEljNXhoTXVKWnR0THZmM1ZKN29YYWlPMDdNbyt1U2RxNkUzenNJVEdOVXI1bmdtNzZFdUpkVTA3a1YwSXM1emhSSHArOGFkQVVMaTM%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(2fd70100e0d4a30959ac842335e73f98).jpg)
“Life is short, so eat the dessert first. And maybe second too.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMVFBLT000NzVLZldiVStzK3IxZkdlb2hOTVNobDRCVUF4WVBKaERjcE10T3JLNEZ0WktMRjU4VlcvZGl2K1Q5VnVKWXhDZ0F6cy94NGU4Rm04cnR1Mmg%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(6cc3b533358f6ed03796acc7b4dc97cd).jpg)
“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWW9tZkY4L29zWGw4RDJOcGhoakhZbUZRYU55WVZnRTFwUythOFpEZUhidkFyRDlPc24yK1VDZUtRRUlaYmpVOUExWVozTkpqdVJjVEdRanhpZFFZSk44dGVMak1wVS9oK3VrcmNraUZzd09FYzF4RUtLeWExNEQwM3p5dWpUOVI3akl3YlluUVNzajE4NHFpZUhhWnIwPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(69c73584793d25ef9e25dfeb80df2481).jpg)
“I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination. Actually, I’ll do it later.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVNobnZuL0FJNFc5U0VQbTFRVDU5ODFnNG9Ca3hqZmZaNHgyNUdmK0Q2M2hhVUV4TjlpTmlWVE5sU1EvSW5rRVdQc0ZTUTNqUERoK0Y3aUZkTDVRRUlXZnQyOTZYcTdCdDRQcFdNN3NTNWhoSzZEUHpMNUZ3MHRWak1YL3JqNDF3PT0%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(35b930f1bc94ec895bfa919cc732afa8).jpg)
“My body is a temple…of doom, but at least it has good snacks.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZjdBTkx1VmFlRVpVV01QQUFWRUtBRkQyQ25LZEhlUnBJUmlycjlPVWNjKzQ9/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(86a75fd8c390a0ab40d714a86ea2bbf7).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m energy-efficient!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aVVrNmUxUFdZMG5Lb1VOK1hqcUYyWmF1SnRsbmZWOTBYdGkvelF5YlM2ak5heUIxZGQ1eHQ5U1NPeENGSm43cTdKM0xtcmd2a2FmUFVGempQZnFIUWVsWTRLekNSRmdvUUF0eVBRWVlwckx3PT0%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(a5e5d6dc3deadaf1da60ad04c37afb8d).jpg)
“I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZUgvTU5xUHRwZXY3T0dFV2VvamE3blJhT1BncHg1QTE2N3FBM2VwaFVQNWRxYy9xcDAxUzZsMGVzajhXN3piSUJISHJkckFjSUs2RTErZDF3SHEvcHlxV1pPbWt0NHptbGsweDJlNDI5YUNnPT0%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(458d3c9146a8811a6d87b0764abe01b9).jpg)
“I’m good at math…you know, subtracting money from my bank account.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUl6YmJBNU8xem5vY29vbHRMOFRTWTZWS0ZvOFh2M3dDYm9rNnBic2hrTXh1eWo5RW13NXI4MllJL3p4bWdVRUtGODU3ZEZMQTUvbmRhcGpOWTlBOGR4WnMwOFIvWUVVbWp6aGRtY2JBbjczOWJNQ0VRN25JLzZoQXFWc2xBY0Z3PT0%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(8e89e1c2c5dadd70bf6236f8c7ddef7a).jpg)
“When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z3dubVFSa3pQYWtqV2h5RFh6WlpGZjNzdnVIU0VCcytENmpVd1VWMGVCTU51VkY4b1JyNkdwVnZ0YTNyTjdKYStQdVNZZElac1FDR3o2SlhTRHdxVTk2OUhmT0FkQ0dEd2I2Z3N5bVg4WjFnaDdnUDdvZjlkK3IxdXVqaStFNmFnPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(80d451213f47e4231d7324f33848d5d6).jpg)
“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYW5xSzdKWHFKTmZncVZZTWNwY29NVHB2c1llanRjdWVySjBhVWR0bVNwT01YTU9aUE42bEo1ZmhiSTdxRzFoQUJmKzFpQmF2UFlHUXUydFVSZ3JjeUhYU0xFeWNlYVViVUg1VVkySDg0Ni9hc2VwdkczU3dOQ1FvTGFBWVFVWDRCMmVwK1lEcXBmMUQ2UnN6TnZFWWRUKzJVY1NHNUdPQWZoRjZqT2hzU0dn/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(da91b55b12f194c03efb787f9d2594a9).jpg)
“I dream of a world where chocolate comes with zero calories. Until then, I’ll keep dreaming.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVEl4U1ZwT3lsT1RmZmoyMzFtcGNZVlQrcDhwNEdKL0RNdWVxMmNsTzFHQzEvZHBieVdNQlpRWGJDM3FYaXRNYXk4eExzQWJKRUFXa3kwanFlc0k5OFRkSi9pVGZmT25aVFRUL3NJa3NUNVV3Smt0WWpBRWVqdFlPYTMvMEV1TW1kVHpIQ0VTeVBjb2FWUkZ5anlFV01NPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(68eb92b660b99b1771dac970aa92e41e).jpg)
“I always give 100% at work – 10% on Monday, 20% on Tuesday, and so on…”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWnJjbGxYbStZUk1VV1VsdDZmTEUrZ3ZzOGZrRk9VbW5iTDZKZE9SSW05azh4a3JlQjgxbElzSlphQy9XUnpXc0VoWnUxOGtNSklTajlSS2lobExYaGM9/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(1d3ea124925ab1081b8fe14d89c700fa).jpg)
“Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z011cmRZNmVQbkVZQTk3ZHF4TVFyY21hbjNyaTlIdS9NQk5JVVZCcmlGSU4yMmtsc09ybXV0V0JaNDZvVy9aQmFTZlBheXZkb1h0ajIxNG4xK0x2a3ZhZ3lBZjdlTzRvcjVOcjZYK2VxOFpLelhLdk1FREhzdHg0VWRCN0JpbFJJPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(66518cc32d51ee5965acd377262e756b).jpg)
“I don’t need a prince charming, I need someone who’s good with a plunger.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU0xMZHdjbG81bGx4UnJ3MnlsVE9EdXlyejZuOTZuR0hsSHdvZHFwUWdUaTNrZ2xleEh6eXRBZW1PeXBwV1VuQzJ5ZkliYXg2VE0zOFd2S1c4R3NmOWw4Uk85bEFMYzJ3RHdvemxrUGhCR3N0U3IyQW1HRlpOVG16azdWVit2UW1tUGI3YWJJZGhXMVRwTGtHMUJtMFJrQlhOTVVEYktkTkd4VWQwb0VNZTE2WXZaMlg3QzVqUm42OHY4RXRmcXcwSUc0OWN1MU9RYWh4K2hINlJ0WUF0UDF4VlNjYnJjcUNrK0g1cFB6VkNsK2VyQXkvb1Ywc0hKR0IrSXFhbnpVT0E9PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(de16cff18ca14cc1397c6a180d1c6a8c).jpg)
“I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not fake. Unless we’re talking about my smile. That’s all thanks to braces.” MISS YOU LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aW1iT1FLSlRWTUtFZEFSL241cHJpd1BkRG82N3N1bXNVaEVxS1NuU1o5aXRlUkRSa1RNU2R0K2U5QU1GbzUzdllwYkE3ZUg1STc5elpSL1plQzNaTEU%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(5be583d1d25ad3a5b07a2eeef0b13659).jpg)
“I don’t snore, I dream of being a motorcycle.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHBtbk0wSk54MnpIaERQM0MvaDBRK1JNc0R1MUUyMFhYU1p6N2J3bGl2RmozNW9lNmQ0ZldBQkM4UzRVcDkwY1pVeTdTQXBKUTdmNkFNL29RT0NNUWwzT0xoTVB5RkZCbmhDdHZ0cmxoMzVBSFBwSlVGTHBVaDg4SGNEU3QxaFFKdkZpeTVBVXZvTEpYL3ZWNzdPUGxDTGlBU1BMTHd5ak9rV2tySlRuZDBp/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(f85134c04d114b885dd48bfce2dce474).jpg)
“I believe in eating cake for breakfast. It has eggs and milk, so technically, it’s a balanced meal.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWtZTVZ3UXMveGtMUWFCdEdlZGZjUngxeXNIV1JoVDM2ODBWYTBlZFY4N0FUMW02NTBaN3RqSys4V3phWFRLRDUwZjhrSk82VlFqaWZmWXl2YS9UYVQ%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(9f94672bb5de833555a3b9c88753eaf2).jpg)
“I don’t need a vacation; I need a new life.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZW5vTk9XNzlNT3dVQ1EvYzdlV0RVbCtjbHptQ3kzWWNpb0cxQjZWeDlkeDdtZ2pJZmdISUpMaWpPVXByN3Y1bmVrTTBpN1FBZWFtaEkzalFicXM0SU5PczlhbTlReCtTN08xV3lKODR5YmdnYzRxNlp3cmZhdW9mWC9hMUI1c0Z3PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(9fdcfcd0230a0a91b91d998b3536c4e0).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just practicing my ninja moves…unsuccessfully.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUJDN2JVUTNnVFlzaVU2YkViSVo3WEFGeFdnSWo4TGxHWHh6UFUrRlEySy9CMC9jWXp2SklNY09BNGx3MmxqMlVmSG1VTFJydGl4QWtydDhvc2UwWk5iN1FBa0s5MkltQ01iWDFTOXlPMC8%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(9f08b6bbbfa6f5bb5996a66b42a76b61).jpg)
“Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0tOR21CT0FGNk45NWkyNHVIUXpOTUxmOHk2NXR6TnovcHFYY1QwMlhDRzAvbDlPdFl0MXYrUlhncFVEcVJCV2JuQ2F2ZFBPN2drQldjSmlER1A0K202a3hDRmRRVjU3cjRoYzBEZGlsNEZCQ2pNOUswZExwUnBETGZVekVXVVRBdERwVDljT0owbFBRVXRoaTlOTldj/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(ec9b5eceb99c7f8bbfe04cac257431ff).jpg)
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. Or at least, why I think I’m right.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVjFOaWlaZVVQdmxaQ3dJVXVLVHdldzRCNlBpM0psbVpvTDdqelJ2N3FYVjJ2SVBUNHhhd0l5blFhb2VBY3RYb0FoZTlaNjNlcHhrWWNFLzRoaHV0YksyUDhWWFQ3ZUVFVEY3Vi8zU1FkQlM%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(8354c2c2144eacf2323b7c81b7ba4992).jpg)
“My wallet is like an onion; every time I open it, I cry.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU0xMZHdjbG81bGx4UnJ3MnlsVE9EdWNRYW12NC9zbzcxSTExcmNYdk03OWFFWlpkV3VLU2RkQmNGeFR4MDNSalFpNWVwRUNzbWw1UUxrZExmTjFSMWszenpOYmQ4RStxanIySVIyTW9uUE0wVDdDNHo5N0c5MGp2QmIvQjVHbXZBZkpHajlxNlh6SkZacm1kbkRUWE0wPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(b2dc1cc5df5124b53f15b0216f039e83).jpg)
“I may not be as cool as James Bond, but I can definitely relate to Austin Powers.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZTJnc3N5aHg2NXlwT3oyTmV4SDVBRFo5Z1N4L3lsbW5jM0pTckNYdE9GMnBCWmdjRkJUL1NvemlzK2UvTUhva2lycGk4WkVQN2M2N2FSQ0lyd3cxMnlzU1RadStIOHZsaUhaN04xbG9FYjF3czYvL09TbGlMcVJZTHU4dWR5bGhRPT0%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(ed9ed9daa1e864a764fb6ba101ad1f0c).jpg)
“I only do cardio because it’s the sound I make when I eat cupcakes.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlNyQk0ydjk0NUJVUCtKRHgwOUJ5R3l3NjZ0cWt2Z0phQy9PU1BLaDYrMThxK0grMW4raG5JUWlzT05wenkyNDFNQXNKUE1yZjVhMVJSaW82M1NLQ3NXTmx3N2dNUnpWcHZQT0w2YWptYjdBPT0%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(be2aeccce8ed8b09f8936c72dd7767e9).jpg)
“I’m not forgetful, I’m just gifted with a selective memory.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWHVkVWgvUmV5TzBINFJPZHB3QlBUdWZHdUdTV3dYSUh5YjFTRVFBdkVWakMyWFh0VlJ5VzlqMlpjcmFSRk1KTTlrQ3NsZ1R4d0JTWGhrL1FhY0E0eENSRlBlWG9VR09DYUs2R0l5RXBvWGRoNE5hMlpDSHZWMFo0UXhqVXJIcFNNS0JLdTBPTW1BQkc1bmZpV3FhYzhJPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(c419b520a206fd311317e818955aa841).jpg)
“I love deadlines. I especially enjoy the whooshing sound they make as they pass by.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY2VYbXpWM0ViN3ZRY3BBNmFLOTdNaHd3d09qRXVPWWU3RG93OVRQVHFHclZYUmlwbmVmVGw5QmNlQXFOcmRiV3ZORGhadUFCdm90NUxzTTd0blZwTDFOZ1JCQzc0QlgrVERCNk5DR29HR05nPT0%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(d2b31911ed68f1906c9cf20c3eddbf36).jpg)
“I’m not short, I’m just more down-to-earth than most people.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWJNRHg2cnR3czN2YnV3Ui9rSFFjMzdPTmlRdUZKcnl1emhpMnMzcksvMG03eFFkV0lHdlhNR2E0aldhWlU3L3Z6dDJRc2UyS2ZoRzZIK3JaU2l2WUg%3D/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(047e6d89357614e5af1c013191fd154c).jpg)
“I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY0tjd3VqSUJ2bFBaMXpISjlvNWhLK2NMT2dsb2t6dkViNElXdEFEKzQrUlNGRk9SNkhvWGU3ckRrYWh6dktJQmJJL0kwWHRzRTRaVFJlVlF5SjhWSjRJWjZ4UXZqNWJ0UXJTZ2FneUcyUmdScC9VSXhrNUdBTEJERTRzN0cvSGFLeUdUUjhLQjBFVGtKZ3pZNkp0dFBYUm9tZlFMR0NsakJGa25wQm9IdFd4/FUNNY+HEARTSTOPPER+QUOTES/(649ed35d3ef570f352703cfb3b6da781).jpg)
“Why fit in when you were born to stand out? And probably trip over your shoelaces while doing so.”