![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYkVwUDNlUzVPdEhZQ1VNVkt3SjFDOStzOFBpZDk3MDB3aVFDOXF4NEVOMHVZcWUzTlZLWUhWcHBJNExDU04yelNueE9iaGlYR0lvZFdzZU1ZWTJiaFQzc2ZIVm5DUXowTnIyZjVPNHpjUzV2WC9NWTF3dG1jeDFMQ2FEWXRwQkxRPT0%3D/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(0f7c079b4dc9168fe660945a755b6976).jpg)
“I was at a pottery class, making a vase… for my imaginary friend.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVnM4Y3pKY3kxTUtYS0pISkYwdTBMQ2h6c2JEeldyeDBvU0FIbEY3UnE4OGlnMldGNUFTTzB3K2kzWEZUS28zbE96eC9kMURJbWZHSzBrRVlqcnBvMmRSSHkxc2syYVhudGEzWnBwZU5mY1p2c01ON1lvaUd0Nit3Y3YrUmd5Mkp2ZmdtVm1TdjJOKzVHUWV4QlA5cGluVStYVUU3MXpTWUZrYjFIUVFqakZl/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(3176d026bbfe26ff54df8d6f683991ed).jpg)
“I couldn’t have done it officer, I was too busy arguing with my GPS about the best route to take.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZnlldGVMSHlQaTloL1BjQStCdnVIbDJVTGZVaDdMZDEvSVJJbTRjbkcrSXFuTkd0cXB5bXJUTGRuVGUwRjNQZUFvc1FjZ2hIanhVRTBSczZ1OEtjcnJoTTBTREpJc2x3MVYzK0M5eEkraEN2eEg1Njd3Zm84WWdYc1RQYldjY3ltbE5UV0dhZ3lsMkhaaEJFdVFYY1NWeXhYU2g0OWhwVUhMM0J0NjRacXM5/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(1246cee9c436b500ffe122374d254744).jpg)
“I was at the gym, testing my theory that eating pizza while on the treadmill cancels out the calories.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUjBEODFYR00rV0JFWmtIMnVmN2lvMitrYXJJSFZIMUFjVmpVdmx4L2pzM2d6dzdLRWVYLzhjL1JDZVNwancxZ2lQT3ZqZ0VPUUtKYTBTMGc1Ris2ZjdTZVJXNEp5MHlTV0w2Snd6YXJyRCtDamtPUU5RbjYrWFJDNlpOa3VJMFdHLzBhNGVhSlVkZm9kRll6TVliSWtYSVZqNEI2NlVoSFJ3dEpZSGhpcWp3U044ekJBM3kwWTBKR3BiNFFIVjJJZz09/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(c09cf22073c7518eb791a07e8adcd202).jpg)
“I swear officer, it wasn’t me. It was my evil twin who has a striking resemblance to me, but with a mustache.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVnM4Y3pKY3kxTUtYS0pISkYwdTBMQmRuZWNDY3pkQjAxYmVIRm91K0ZzcHZHNEN2WGZ0NHhhRU9vbVgrUHg0OTRoeVJ6aE9ER0s5Nml6WE8wcnU0QUMrL1puYWl1SS85OXFHMG1weU94QnZXVWJTcmpoSGREQW4wTU9RUHFSbDVobEM4cStkSmxJRTZOeXBMTGd3bmRoNC9sbE00Vm1sUlg1U1NhY29ISEEv/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(12682632461df24314573d92c82d0556).jpg)
“I couldn’t have been at the crime scene, I was too busy giving my pet goldfish a bubble bath.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZXp5U2taWjVjMmdkRzJEaWtMR0wxRmRoNGhISlM3a0ZLM3lMYWtQcnZFNm5ibFZFaFB2TFF5RUNUY0JaQWNDVWg5WlhYN0E5QUZ3eXArODFsWGd5UmJrYWU2T1FPU2toK0ZjV3FMUlJhSmFzN29hQjZVRyt1bGRMVXl0YmdPQlZDQmtkdlo1M2xGUWpwREtUS1dzT1Vqa3NXUzRIOVMrUm1BbWhxZ1ROVHJTbzJjNGNVQWVscWhsZzNEL0EvN3JwVngvSVhZVXc0eFVFUXVabXhwUGx1ZS81dHd0cFpSTmpaVDVmeWhTUjlTNA%3D%3D/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(ca4c2fd97295e1da26bf67bc35766c29).jpg)
“My alibi? Well, I was busy perfecting my invisible painting skills. You just can’t see it, but take my word for it, it’s a masterpiece.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVnM4Y3pKY3kxTUtYS0pISkYwdTBMQmRuZWNDY3pkQjAxYmVIRm91K0ZzcEc4Y082aXhVS25rOEd2RllBTnAvcUJKZjRsQjFBb2hIUUNHaCtqUzViNm16ZThNVG90YTNJeUtyeGxVaGNzR0JSODlySlBFRzE3dEtsWlVEL250dlNyZVJtYkVHdE9wRXNMOTlzQmpIL0tHd0R3U0txZDFSTVFkb2J2dlppbUQ4/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(a016febb1a3216e4de32972611f8af3c).jpg)
“I couldn’t have been there, officer. I was too busy counting the number of hairs on my cat’s back.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVEpxOC9KV1RJR0NmTWVUNjBqS1lPUktZOHpzTGlsaHFhaWxUdUY4aDgwU2doQ0VSSUUva3lrdGE1Y2NnQ1NxVkpxNzJLQUN4b0xkK0s0S3YyMkZZbzFHOFVadGdFWHdGb1EzbEJxZ0x2VlkyK0N2WXpreHlqeFJZMHRtaWtXa0RsLzFua1UzcUpZbW9ScUttTHRvNkoyLzJwOUF3UWFVbkhKR3JMWU5oQVl0d1RwRjEvUjdIcGZNNUdScE8zNkt2YkNyK0hXZUIxSjhQK1BmYTZ1cjd2RHFsMFRudm9KaDhHWVB5ZjlWbCtPMWgxc2Z2QTBQQ0Q0b2p4RGtjUHFKSWc1R0xETG90YzRGa0NwL3ZxT21vY2M9/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(109a247509cb7c35405b6efcd9a734f4).jpg)
“I wasn’t speeding, officer. My car has a secret feature that makes it look like it’s going faster than it actually is. It’s called ‘optical illusion mode’.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYWJKSloxM3N0U1NsTSs5K24xeEU2RDEwRHBPZkRGdkJzcFNETzNMd2x1ZHdQSCtaQkx3Z05Fbi9FSUhoaVpORUZqRjh4a3dhUmwxR2hRYlliS29pMXM2U3BBN2FRV1prOTJuSkUwREIyRnNTNEt2bGJpbkVValVBcjlzNFd0eWFFTEZYOUExa2FLby8xUlI0OFJxeTBEcFo4OUhucXlQRVhTTmpXZExXTTExUmQ3RWhQRDdwZ2FPWUZjL1ZrVFMrQT09/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(af695146e1db53dcb26926e1d2dc201a).jpg)
“I swear, I didn’t take the last slice of pizza. It was the notorious Pizza Bandit who strikes at random parties!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZXp5U2taWjVjMmdkRzJEaWtMR0wxRytub1NGNTh1VG05cEFKdDJVTTRiN1lKa21ZRHVZNVJnRXVyZytheUlUWGxkNStiTnZuVm5BVVQrZnhCV2lMQlQ3cGE0emVJaVBpRWszWFNlS0ZVTzB6c0I5NG05b3JFTUdZZkwxTHhxNDdVb1NXYkswYkZGcnpWMzVUZ21wL3FZdThuMlJSa3FHazJPRUZ6cnlHNitPS3d4Yk5XVVFKeEwxSXd2dFZVVVRDZU41VnljY0FwZU40aTI2ZzBlYTNFUT0%3D/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(8d7c32a5859fe7fd788a19d1d4ebdbf0).jpg)
“My alibi? Oh, I was busy attending a concert at the Moon. It’s a secret gig, only for aliens and people with vivid imaginations.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVTlMS2dwN244UXhBMXg3V3RqSWtFWGhSZjhzMmFqckY0SHphcTc0YlMzNEZuTklEcUZtT1dDU3c4cllXaVFzZTNweEY0NFJvcUJJNDQ0VkNpYkpoOFpJYjFrODZWeXZ6L0FRQjM0YmdjOWxkWDdHa0liK0JTY2htVmNPbitPV1JNMHhzdWhOSldCTURrZllmaUlNY3I2T2FJbTJoQVk0dC85WnR1V3JTYzdm/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(546628a705122540bef322e068c0c7f2).jpg)
“Officer, I couldn’t have robbed that bank. I can barely handle my own finances, let alone a heist!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVnM4Y3pKY3kxTUtYS0pISkYwdTBMQmRuZWNDY3pkQjAxYmVIRm91K0ZzcHZHNEN2WGZ0NHhhRU9vbVgrUHg0OTZYT0taNHVPNFkyWldmQzFnakh6eXREekVoREpwOVBaVUtHOFZ6WUVqaUpwSkdYdlR4STY5UXNBUThwYk5ueUh3T1hsWXMyYnZuOVhNZGZUTVpkK0trWDJwZHR4YUJQU0t0ZTZIT2R1TFd6RE9VVjRCQk5KMWVzWmRPQ0h2Q0pFSkRhQU9MT0Y0RXBwTnM0cW41R0g1Ly8wdlIydm8xUHhIeUdLZ21VbkVyOQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(7f3a13b5676168150e8ea4a3bfb5eac0).jpg)
“I couldn’t have been at the crime scene. I was too busy demolishing a mountain of cheeseburgers and fries at the local diner.” ILLUSIONS BOOK QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZXp5U2taWjVjMmdkRzJEaWtMR0wxRm93OUY5MmpSbHM4MElYd1FjK2MzU3VUZmg5cXEwT1hXWVdpMGtzQ05uUmhtV0hZdThkRWp3L3pLTU9yRHBDcGphbkc1OXZMNHpGUnY3R3JRNTlGRFBkVDh2a0hQbFBxSzVGVG5uV2ZOM0FXT21TcHVyWStrK3JRMVVUdTJ0QmVZT2JsQm5jVHdSMVBBVFZlNGZEb1d0ajBtTUNzaXRhdENRc0RhT1JHSksrV3dSMDZBRSsrN2hIODdweWkxMXJ3VT0%3D/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(d4aa11f25554a4e92a88a3664fd1f5d9).jpg)
“My alibi? Well, I was practicing my telepathic abilities. So technically, I can tell you what I was doing without saying a single word.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVnM4Y3pKY3kxTUtYS0pISkYwdTBMQUQ5U1hPcnJJVGFNL01vUjl2NGErbVppMVg0bWtzMndqNXpUZThWUC9xb2lIaVA5dFZIQW1SOVo0VEFQZ3VERm9xNzR6Znk0MWxMNXlIR0UvN0Q2Zk10SWtBYXlQZmRHOGZkQmpmTDJ0ckh4RnN3QUlnUTFnOGdET0RYRUFlSWFFNktGdFBOdVFPMkp5TWlPSm15QkQyR2xVMm1xcVBvUEw5ejJZcTkzSjBhdTZna3F4enZBcWs2dE9EUXQvcEZYRT0%3D/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(3c80f3cfb3d5ea0af8e20cae03449590).jpg)
“I couldn’t have stolen the cookies from the jar, officer. My sweet tooth is on vacation, and I’m just the accomplice.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVEpxOC9KV1RJR0NmTWVUNjBqS1lPU1hmVnFNdDBJU2ZRNFRDT29oblY2bTZ0bWNmU0Vod0M1cjkyY0lqMzZrcjZueGp3REtvcm43U3ZscFVscHRqeFBKQ25VU3FObkFSR0ViK2xHYXN1c3U4cStEUTJldmtSTTlJNzJHZXprWUFWM24vZzl1MnlnU2RTM29PVkMrOHBibW5ONi9VM0xmWEZZQlpCdWdFZXpoV29LQXl2akc0V0FlS25MZnk3V2o0Mm5DZktJdDdsT1cyamlZdWhvVFZpQT0%3D/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(ec44aac044ba27108e9341a1204e76db).jpg)
“I wasn’t running away from the scene, officer. I was just practicing for the Olympics and my event is called ‘The Flee-ing’.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY3NueGQ2WjEzbnNla3JtTER6YzNwemMvVHpialM2K29tTXRMV2VMOW5OV09PSllxb3RtYSsvZjNxc0I0bnplR29ML2lRUDBvNFNZaGhIQnlTZUJBSHdRYjd1VytEU3JHd3psekZOZXBrdGYxYlBXSkdPNmh3TXE0VmhHN2QrbHhzb1lmNlJvOTg1dlBBQWdRS2N2d2xtNXdrSjl0SWdFTEFFWVo3NTQvQUhtZkJhVjBtZTVPN1JtOFMxdjVma2NGeEZkeEZvK2xuRExCVTFVUWQyM3R1V09Da0Ivd2ZUangwK05peTNiU3AxdA%3D%3D/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(9d5455996873e865d87f70cd9380da51).jpg)
“I didn’t break that window, officer. My secret identity as the world’s clumsiest superhero made me trip and accidentally fly straight through it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVnM4Y3pKY3kxTUtYS0pISkYwdTBMQmRuZWNDY3pkQjAxYmVIRm91K0ZzcFJocmF5MU5lcTdjYTRPY1RQb1JxOStXcU5YU3JsZFVsdUNrYWhYbGNJWUxheFU1N3dvMm5Uc1gramdkN1ZxVk1IRmEyRklCRnJvU2YvZG5OM0N0dVF0OEJIUGxsNURSak5PQmdBUjYzc0pON1RzR08zbWRKTEVxRmRmUWFCYVNGM1plT3pqbWJFNWxqcnJxRmdpdk1OandjRDJJN2kxUFZaRURvM2x4eHkwOD0%3D/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(dd42fc9ee3273deeeaac9a1308e74b03).jpg)
“I couldn’t have been the culprit, officer. I was too busy solving a complex puzzle of how to untangle all the wires behind my TV.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZXp5U2taWjVjMmdkRzJEaWtMR0wxRlhiaittK2x4WG1RMnNxTTJoUWZGbWRwQVFqbkt5WVBlSS9yUC9ic2p2bGQ5dHhDNGdaaUlRRjN5QWN3UHBqQ3JiZDZUZEtVRTM3eXp1aXRSN2J2YmpIUC96eWVyTk02ekM0RFlkWG1zbEtwVG9kaDh4ZW00QXA5SXVQNzZTZ0ZsWk9oSUlHQ0djQ1VmMDQ1ejhGcmNYS1p1dkIvc2NkUG1GREwvSkpwTWltbXI0eGpBNXlOZDhQc2pXL0JZRWtqTT0%3D/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(ddca3654f250d6963fd8112fa3729376).jpg)
“My alibi? I was at a seminar about the art of time-traveling. It’s such a captivating topic even though I haven’t mastered it yet.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY3NueGQ2WjEzbnNla3JtTER6YzNwekVSS0Jud29VSjVnRjZkMUtKUUJ4Ukt6VVlVYXp2dGJxbUJzZE9xanNKWmNaTzdGL3NZbVJSc29RUUkyeHF1M0JjSjdYd2lXck5kRTVMUUNQbEFxem1KRjg2K1Y3b1JjcG9QZTIzU0ZzQ2ttaHpUQXJKV2NvY3QrQVFvVi9MVmQzMUZ6WXdnT1g4WmFOZWhjZVRXZ3dXRmxhUGU5cjdrdjR4NlZTNkNjSDlEUT09/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(ad18fce5e6b4c83072688a5e6c5a6356).jpg)
“I didn’t take that cookie from the jar, officer. It was my invisible friend, who is known for being a cookie monster.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVnM4Y3pKY3kxTUtYS0pISkYwdTBMQmRuZWNDY3pkQjAxYmVIRm91K0ZzcEJaSUJqNDlkd00rUWpKUy90ZlZYMFpHT2dHcTk3OXFkTFJ1cWR6TTNQYkFKUGtvNWQzYyswakVVWWdoNkpHYjZQV2xjdDJ4dGFKUUszRHNzeGxJczJIdHRRaTdYelJSMGlYUFlhMGdIUlVoYjFENVdQVnJJQTZ4czBtU05NUVJjdnNlaXVXRFRpSkJ3ZUs3LytsMFFDNUpFZ3NZZjBGTkFwbG5oOUhMeXhvST0%3D/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(1b7df74fe8d1d61983f8468b6c78e8c6).jpg)
“I couldn’t have been at the scene of the crime. I was too busy having an intense debate with my pet parrot about the meaning of life.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVTlMS2dwN244UXhBMXg3V3RqSWtFVnJxY05Ed3dSbnp5YlloYnAzRm9oYWNOK1J6YnU5MG9YMU82T0d1bEFweTBJS1pxOHI3VDlUdEtLVVFJQU1SY0dPNzBEalExMTg4NFEyOU40TXBBWFlXdkwzWEYzYkF0Zk9lY2ZYR2VzVGQvYjVhaEg4OVd5cDV1MXo4SUd0c1poSmZOdGFWdmh0bzJJNm5vR2VtTnJEQ21ZOTJDdTNTWEdsL2UyeTFTUmJ2UT09/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(0da1232d07045b70b46b95032b0e9048).jpg)
“Officer, I didn’t steal that painting. It was just a really convincing fake that wanted a better life outside the museum.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZXp5U2taWjVjMmdkRzJEaWtMR0wxRnlNUml6YUhaQ25ja2cyWTIrVkVnd092cmVWa0w0ZVBkelM2Tzd0d0FQWGh0UHJacDJEZFBPUVJNVnZqaDNycE1xRjYzQWJDVmFqaFNTVXZyU2lWS1RaMnljQVh6dER6emtpODd6VVp5ZXNhVjZnR2VPT25IM0hCOUNSNkRHVUFpNExXOFpRaUd2RzRvMzVFWGtaNWp3aTZaZWlSZDZ0NnVCNHZCdDY1ZmpSZz09/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(2681c3f9143462be5bae56b73aa6247a).jpg)
“My alibi? I was at a therapy session for people who mistakenly believe they are secret agents. Shh, it’s confidential.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVnM4Y3pKY3kxTUtYS0pISkYwdTBMQmRuZWNDY3pkQjAxYmVIRm91K0ZzcHZHNEN2WGZ0NHhhRU9vbVgrUHg0OTBEYjZ1SWZKWFA0SUE3YUpkdi9oN0MzQmh3WXJiV3M2cDZBWEtIRXlrbStOMDZQYmo3NFZhUXJITmp4UnJuK3VTZkQ5Mjl2N3kzVWZYc2pYSmJNeGFnUUdNWXR0ZWpsdS90S1Q2YmdaNkNkczVJQXpuRTJuVXdxejlRTkpUUy95dzAvaFpLZUUvN2ZvcjA3a1QraHo1az0%3D/FUNNY+ALIBI+QUOTES/(fe9bc67c3dcce630ac30e44fbcd62f35).jpg)
“I couldn’t have been at the crime scene, officer. I was too busy perfecting my synchronized swimming routine… on dry land.”