![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TVEVGa29MNnlLZG9vaXhFVkJQSzY4R21VUXUvUU4vVmRLMGRiRFVJMHlncDBKNklaWXRJSStianlHbjJEOHRNOUFrTE5hRTM0RUIxanFqTUs2NXhTcUJGblJTMHB6cDM5TG5TT3dXc3BPaWJ3PT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(6481d52efb52bd1d45641daaee1a0d0c).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a mission to test gravity constantly.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZlVEL0JqT1JxU0t5ZDdwRXdrTWd5eTBJZlpONHFvbHlTRUtUemRkUVl5djlsM3p1d0RkcThCb1VPSE1qUk1XWEM%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(e07892af199c315e6349c1a9ed21506d).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z2VpaUpLdGoybDhuNDBidzFJL0p1STJsY0pBeEJxd01QMG9zV215Sk1Qa2E1ckRiZ1FLaFFVNHZaQlNpNG96ak9UR2FFSFJzQUdlbHFtR09mdVR6a3hzQmFmRy92Sm9UbGNrcWhGeFF4M0xoa2tndEVkdm9CVkxBRHBrbmVORSs2VnhnUFQ5eFZick1vU2dxY2p0YUVBQXN3dGdyQS9JN21WUDMzQXEvVXlvUT09/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(8c26d8de48a92313e578917c8e4f62e2).jpg)
“I don’t like to think before I speak, I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aDZwRWpwR0JxaUxUWHBPUUovVXhaOFJ2UXRIRXBvVDZyN0dXbytmMk5wdUJJL2lXbStoNkd1Z0pqVTN3YzBaeDZHY3RhK2JxSDgvZXg4YkJoc01PS3djSDQxTUF0bVNaNG5jZk5Hd2FjOTY2Tkw1REpLUHVGUXNiVzVtQzRtK1dNPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(8e85302d16b24d9d13bc6117a221e3b7).jpg)
“I don’t have a beer belly, I have a protective covering for my rock-hard abs!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDEvYmFLUE16dW8yOHRWTG90V0RmRUM0QUR3WWlsSzA5bU5pSjM0b2l4NzRLaGNpbDIyYjk0QllpVVVQT0h3YWFwaFY4V1NVZDUwajNIMlA1V0g2UWNxQXV4SFZqVStERlE0WmlZN1M2Uit3PT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(825feb00356d29d0b6ab24088e6b84c0).jpg)
“I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteUpQMFZzZlh0UmtyVzZxSFBVZzhOMU9kaWd2QmpUQUlwWERGK1ZRV1BzOWYwSjVXNm9QcWlHOFV4Lzl5RUd3RHI5RmNja3M5RnlLWmJDMUh3MGNMVVA%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(e7d8aeec62cd3ca2f46944d1d87a0249).jpg)
“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVThEbExPeHlOTEIyRkN3TzNBaTI3MnlaMGRXVU9IUUtlb1doU0ZSMlFNUmFncDd2V2NjaHpuMkM5Y2N4RFNHOVFGbXNrRHpYbkVpUGg4c2gxdjNyR0VDaDRkb0VaZExxMXBUWnpwUzVLZ0orT1p5TWY1cWdrWWVCWERVR2NoaFppMm1wSDJUbmpaS1hpemI0S0VjTFVxOWtMdjdMMkoybkhGRWhRTDFSNGNIZz09/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(0fa1d56bab6604a0406873080d79dcfc).jpg)
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z3dubVFSa3pQYWtqV2h5RFh6WlpGZjNzdnVIU0VCcytENmpVd1VWMGVCTU51VkY4b1JyNkdwVnZ0YTNyTjdKYStQdVNZZElac1FDR3o2SlhTRHdxVTk2OUhmT0FkQ0dEd2I2Z3N5bVg4WjFnaDdnUDdvZjlkK3IxdXVqaStFNmFnPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(80d451213f47e4231d7324f33848d5d6).jpg)
“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYUdHV1g0dTh0ZzZYVDNxbHpzTzRwSjJ1UmY2dmkvazdGNnRSR0hQMlBBUDE5U2RWQ3ExQTE3ZDFQaUUwK2ZndStrWWVUMEVRVUtwZ3VlZjdEQ29RaEs3K3dENXZSamNUbGYrL3RIT0F4YlBHemhudU5aSVU5TkVCejRxUXdXa28rYkkrT3VEb1RTcTF3blh2ZkJmY3JVPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(c595ddf8af0bf6dbaaa73bdf9f29fcc1).jpg)
“I put my phone in airplane mode but it’s not flying. Clearly, it’s broken.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUhtam5XalBwQTFwYWFjRGpFRlhMbmcxTU5ORUI1MFB0eS92cU5uQkRIMXJENW9MMjVPenhIV2lXdFBwSTQrTnRPR0ZPYVc1VC9tSW4zNHN4Um8yUHQwdGpTT2RxczVMWWIycTVyZkFCTHVwNW1kNzBWWThZUmhjSGJzVXFrdFNRPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(16f50e220d39bd78bba3c02639831bb5).jpg)
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZUZ2NnpXM1J6aXdTeHRXUXJDNHN4ZTFSY0VrSFhOeXh4U2I0KzdWeng5Wi9Lazhvdkw0NmtScVdpREpwaFZuYmxkbUlNWEhjT3NFa0p2K25ibC82T2o%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(8b10bc1beebce3c9dac89cfbc0094d84).jpg)
“I’m not aging, I’m just increasing in value!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDaU1GZ3E2S0ZqSHFjZDIvRFhMQnNlRzExWFR6MFlpRW9lOUIxamNvazVQcjNtN040ZVp0SzZoUHo5MmlxS1lLSmJZSkdYV3d4SHVNSldIQXFIWEdRb1g%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(2e0aa8da610a28bab50bb786bcf359e7).jpg)
“The only exercise I do is running late to meet people.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUklIMnBqL2JpNFVqc0dRNFd0cWwxTWZ4TkpRTjVxT2NZWHcrNmpjcVhWREkwTFk5YXR5SEtzRnlFeUtzcmp1aEVCU0xFcWtFMXFMR3k2WjRneWlvSlEwRGhjekFzeTAyL2lNcnhGT0JiWHIyeVN1SEtDTFUrcGhwU2UrRXUyYjlpbXVaK3FmQW5oWER3NUhDSE5LMFRQcFNiQmhqR1lrMlhrYm01OS9ERG9OSXlIYlFGN0QzeEtFYUZQSGdGbWdYUT09/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(a9fdad499617b5fb363e303aa63e3525).jpg)
“If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy, I’d probably hire someone to pick up the money for me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY2VYbXpWM0ViN3ZRY3BBNmFLOTdNaHFVOXBKekpSTisrZ1ZkYlc4UlZ2VHpFN1NMV3VzMTRTMUM2VXNzWitMcHRqU3FsOGI2OEVqazRlakl5U3lsd0o%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(8c33865975bb9530e737aa3e41e79406).jpg)
“I’m not short, I’m just vertically efficient.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aDlCWDh6MlhXTEw2eVhQU0gvZFBYK09IR3o0cXVqbWV6Z0R1ck0xODdnQTdISURLanZrcFJPcDZHNDVtRXpLelA5MU9hMmJuckZvQ0pMekpPd1BDTVgyckF3b3UxOG12NFkzYmJ4cTFScEQ3VnV2UUJJVys0U2NQdnhxK3VVdk1FPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(faff17d2a315bb1d495c999c89bb6f64).jpg)
“I don’t diet, I just eat everything that’s suitable for my taste buds.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aml5ajJabk9HZGh2ZjB4K0FlS1hYMU1YY1NQUHdyZnFYT1RIYVMwVkNwQ21Gc2Rydm52aTFuOXNnTmxqQlhmSFBhZDRWMk90QnFHVDNEczR6cWRWdGxqTG9WRVpmWktqZ1VZdjErSVBlRjhjYVV4TUJRMU1mSk9OdTdnUkZPWStvPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(40650ab9bb59f7cd7e2218400b5885a3).jpg)
“I don’t snore, I’m just a dream monster vocalist.” DAY FULL OF SURPRISES QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVEt0VGsxWjZnSDZ3Rk8yUit0SVJrcUxlTVl0dU0xSW9Rd1p4ZTBKb1BKVDVrLzlnYUtHMDJRUEsxSE9UV2orT2tXTTNBMGJNN05EN1Zhem1XbmdPTEhwZjZaOGhDeUZzdXRLc1NROXl4blg%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(ab7e41e346017bf70458d502ea56e759).jpg)
“I am not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aS9DUjlUQVRQVHA1TFJzRzZrMS80d1VwNlVycG5yOEdnL21CbHBVREo5Mlc3QkR5UE4zWm56bC9LOHBNcGpwQitUZktZUEp1ak5LZVFwQ1pYYUhoOFduZXhoakhsUndOelFZeHc5QjZtMGpnPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(37f73b17370f8af9bd52174abcd6defb).jpg)
“I don’t play hide-and-seek, I hide-and-pray-they-can’t-find-me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMUTNkMTlJMDhLc3JHTkIveGNZdHhzam1COSt5ZDJVc3NkSk5CYUQrdmQzU1IwQ1lQVWd5WGp3T25jRkZXOFhnWHNEbm9xZkIrSUtxekh5SVI2K0xFdldlY1JFTmdPeEpLZEt3cG1lT05xcHdVWU13U0M5REl4ZVlGYmpTcXJzUWpVPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(6996a7938c58685589cc78ddf569c375).jpg)
“I tried to be normal but it didn’t suit me, so I went back to being myself.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZDdOK0Y0ejYzQWtWZnhRbVdjSlpmQ1JOcW9udUdEd0h3dXB5Q3prUXdJSklFWEdENll6YTI4SXBSQXBXVXg4MDJvS3lncHorWXRicEpPQ1liMHZTSnhJVnZybTNZdDhhNkNWUVM4OE1yVkpFbXQzYjNYU2hZdWtXZTJGSHg5OEtkdGlRdEdJU3I3aEVsZXZQS21PRDc0PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(14045d64310743ea0fdfdf7c743a0fc4).jpg)
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aVVrNmUxUFdZMG5Lb1VOK1hqcUYyWkQrVVhIQm5lS1JEQmgwb3YydmxNY1ppTk9VN3JlNUNZMTZESzJqVFdIWSsvdkVPcUl6SzMyQS9OT2lBbFUwTUpaZ1ovZmx0MFE0elRMU2x6S3doM1ZRPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(fa9e516dd556403c2f967482da23a918).jpg)
“I don’t need anger management, people just need to stop making me mad.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZGhKL0pWLzEyeXdhS203d1g1TEZ2UTF1YlVLZGUvNk1aR0tIcm5MNktyRHRxL0RiY0NweExuWmFkckhIYkQ5K1R0dkFLNkpqWTl2NHlCN1g1bTNnYjRBaHhUeXFkakZsMFZOc01COXRIZnJnPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(873a4be7cb45717a137fd21055754483).jpg)
“I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from everyone else’s.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWkNlaUI5SDRJSmFtR09HYnk2d2RjeGRrM245dVNsZDQ1NlQ0ZkVMaGY5cXhsYjZtWVVlTTRWMEUwbzVCMVJMaVJ1WUVVTC9FYzdML1hxLzBLOWNlZWl2OGRUSkZTNkw3MksweC8yUUlCc0lxNFJnUmMwcDMzTTZJRGQyWlFhMHNRPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(edb253af50d4b6d3a5d561de19b33efb).jpg)
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY3lpWERsMUxzbmZKdjc1eHRmVmxsZnEreFFjZ2t6L1grQkRZcW9iQng2R08wYUxmTW9FNVJiT1h5cHVjMlRMVzBjS2VYTHRtTnBLakh0Sm04RUNpZjkzMUQ5ak0wd3M5WHNiZ3VyNkQ2VVhiRUg2MzVaZTMxamloSnB6a2dhZSt3PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(dd0c3acb454d8f0c29d66e590dfdc8da).jpg)
“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals, I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWdpVklDL0pabmQxU0F2K1pNQzk1NXVGc3diMFRkclNRYm95cSs3NDJjelZPcW0wbmVsRHV5cnBVT2c3SlNGR1k9/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(20800e87e19b210d494e445a4788b7cf).jpg)
“I don’t get older, I level up!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZW5vTk9XNzlNT3dVQ1EvYzdlV0RVbFkrcStpREh3ZThTZ3dtRVQ0U3QyWnJPNU9RWmJ0Sm56ZW1NdU1JUnQraEl3RGdGcjY3SXp6R1p6eGNERHkvMS8%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(32f2f331634b04567e1f6361926350de).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just a ninja in training.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZkNVSHlHVWNSMlVKNUtCM2QvNUl3YzdtUzd1cWorTUhlVkpwbTVVWjJxNU43QkIzek9jbFFYZTJzMU5UWmgxdUljSnNFeUNzaXdUMHIyWi9HQkp1R1ZRPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(1c37865ac779553e122b495e6c879dd6).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just extremely efficient at doing nothing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVndJcktrbU1reU1oRUU2anBSZTBqbUpVckNDOWgyNGtPNm00cUxDV0gxVnVDOXFQWmtVa3VhekZNNkJ4NTJaOUViWlBwR21aWk1CUkxRc1JRUnQ5djBUbkIyTkZ0QUE4WDRxTE41dTN0bmJFc0dVNVBaUnpPRE14bDY5dnFuSlRnPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(80799e4a3e52ad6c99659503d0c10986).jpg)
“I wanted to lose weight, but I hate losing, so…I just ate a little less.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0xvOHdDU1p0eGpkWjdkQ0d2dkZSMExLZUM4WFBqdjhWRE9aVVFEaUxZazNyYktRMVZJYnlPVVRCT0J3aTk2YnM9/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(a2e2c6b3b04b400e1dd5dfc58c1d537e).jpg)
“I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHFybC9Jb3VZUExuRENNZEdnYVVpbWVRbUtPaHNCRkcyQWtQMGRsbTBzVzlLK2t0bHlsT3A3WHErc2JwL0YwZUhUcVpaZm1VcnN2RWZEMDZmdU51SW56OGdRQzBpaFNhOHoyaENRazM0Q3BkUnU1M1FmSTFBKzRySXV5K3FqTzFURXBBYk85eDYvYkZkVktpWFEyd0VFLzJyVkVnMDBlUWg0ZGFTSTBRNkg2/FUNNY+QUOTES+THAT+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(2f2a2227dc6162673b540b5f03d12c70).jpg)
“I woke up this morning and realized I don’t have what it takes to sit and do nothing all day.”