![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUW1nY3BXOHdzR29kMFZzcnFOUDRqTVZTc0lwUzJpTExEWEowN0d1Z0VTNGhDbCtnejBTcUhxVkhIblpaM3BKZGZmZ01pQnhUVzA3ODhVaFZvSHFoaUdlSDl1TFlUZTVpQU1EMGNFdmdQRWpJeUZ6bTdSN2NGbnVBMUc3SXVjSkVURFhyRVM1VUVaZFFSU015T3FZUnNTMzU0ck95VHMxcFR2V21KYmRPbkhi/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(1771c2eec37074d52ddc5ce696aa59d5).jpg)
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUxYcnQveC9ic3RZZ2VOdEIzbWdFSVJoblY5QzlNM00ySTZ6ZXFCV0tlQlJIRHR3OVBDUW9VakFMOG15MmZFcjlBS3BqSGtBWW55c2IwUjluY2JxQk9NWHVvV0NHenNJbmFlNEt6TVJjbnpUV20vVTlDVTJROEhtek4zZTFPQ1lXL2VNN29sYm5wQXZ3cTBrMTB2SzBUUzl4a2Q1NG0vTCt3Y2JIMVBmNDBZ/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(44bf7f36caa4fb7d94aff7171930d348).jpg)
“I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDZzBGV295c3NOa3gwNlRMYkYvUXNzblJRdjNGYU9tVmZHVmtGS0RHMGtNb3ZRUGlEYXp0YmFGK1FRZ05mNHByREgxQnlodEkvbE5jRTlubnhvYU1xQ29YcHEzbW9BYkMyRW4yTUYyS0s5czhNOUhGbFFQZDRHbkUxVHBxaWd0NytRPQ%3D%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(10d37d8599470abbc2e7ef9163d2dc0e).jpg)
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDaDUxMElnbzc0WEdFUTIvdCtkYUJwQy80OG5kZHZvYXAzWktQK3dSbE5KNjlKcnFtN2NEalp1czdwdzhvQjloRUxoUjQ1TDZGSGMzZ1piR1k1YklKZGZPdkh1NjNxcmM5OENUWGpjbFZHakZURWJwZElZUjdrSENFVXZIUVc5bDZZPQ%3D%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(ced04ac65e853993a67d82b7a79b0bd2).jpg)
“The only thing that stands between me and a really great tan is my skin.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVThEbExPeHlOTEIyRkN3TzNBaTI3MnlaMGRXVU9IUUtlb1doU0ZSMlFNUmFncDd2V2NjaHpuMkM5Y2N4RFNHOVFnc2VQYno3QVloc1F3R3Jab0h5Sy94RWU3QWEreHFxMWgwVytQcUM1VnROMHQyMFFWSUNGRjk3ME1QWHJsY1AxYmpHMGErNnc2YzQxVkFoZXJMSkR1WVRDcVROOEVJeGdzWU82V0g5TGVIK1BOSGV2TDRIb2JpS0g1YmdlS0VTWT0%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(2c9e83eaddaf81e56c831c35f22ac0aa).jpg)
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMVFBLT000NzVLZldiVStzK3IxZkdlb2hOTVNobDRCVUF4WVBKaERjcE10T3JLNEZ0WktMRjU4VlcvZGl2K1Q5VnRJcFl3Z015Mk5KSm5uY3dUV0ZyKzVpNFBvUVVQK2RiN0R2bk8zaGpXbTNnPT0%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(6a517facef05ecb460dac0ddeb8f3cfe).jpg)
“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZFFUMUtIRUpQUE16aDhxaGxGazk2VkFKNTFxMlVpeHRWU0tZQ1g5T3pxb2c4d2pzQXNnbHoxeVp1VHdzM0xWd0xKM1ZDbE9NK2tyUnZiQjg4U0NqdVN3VkVMVkxLYXFUaGhXL0loQlVkcUtBPT0%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(62564ecc891a3a2016f1cfeddaf9a2df).jpg)
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZSs3YmY1eEU1WTExZWpabHAwMi8vN0VoM1pPYW9ZRHVFQ0o2TjBVRFBIS1Jwb1N2R0R4cE1zZ0pFTG81eWtiSlJ2dlVyYjhwVG9qVTVrVnFLNEt5Sm5Udk4rNkJRSiswVURBRU9EVDZNWms1Z0J6ZWVacE9hK0lLSEh4ZGh4d1BnPT0%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(c640f38dfd9c8af6e6996ab40526dd07).jpg)
“I wear black because it’s a funeral for my fat.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUp6SWlDQ21oZWlVekt4K3hJMTM3cjBjdVJyNHBjeXVlc1JlN1hWaTgzWmpBdWtDcHE0NUxtTzRNUnhmSmdOK3B4alExRmF1ZUF4RFBkOHJGQ1V5cjZ3UVlVb2VOcmFWVDJxRlhDSjhDR3I2LzFyaitqVmh1S2Z2aWhyT1h2azhRPT0%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(01f435d686cd2c4f8a96891a6320f1b0).jpg)
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZnRrRGdkVGhOSC91OWZONkFOajlMVm02elNLYW83akZyV0dLWVYrK3l1bzYvZExtdEJ3NDdWcGZTdThtU241NTRjOC9DUUU2S2tCSXlNZ2FEZnpnVDBnPT0%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(0a78cced52ccb267e08b0616f258aa2d).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXN0cHFIUk1KWCtGVk5oa2VxNG9vcUNxZW5DK3h2NXNLTlFWYkdUK1NBdXVlWUVuc0tvNmpxbXJ5VzFZOFBrNStESWRXM2NwNEhXa09rMHhDckhrTTdpUEdTSkRjQm8zRVRMSHd2ck1WMmNkb0VlVERyTjlWM2pvUTBwa2RXQjZ5alpFdWFNTndSMDNDb2Fhb2tSSG1mWEJGbkJOZDVRYVNFOHJCVFYycG0r/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(35243e8cdae118a5e63a19183c6b81f2).jpg)
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDNpcEZNTkxRUlhUUDZ1MEtwc29rTzFNcmQ4TmJaNm1wZDhSM2tRNG9aQmc3d3NFRTY5RVBURzMrc2RhcUo4TlpIRVdPNVRtYjNyRHJCQWZkVVNrT0tBQjZTYTJJYjBzMi9HYkVlaWx2SWtnPT0%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(68df4a8746be6d0e864479c3d8d8523b).jpg)
“I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYVJXaGxkdER6KzhMQjhGYW91REhvYVJkUjZsUUpnRTlQTmllL0NBeGNjMnArSlhYMkxZenl5bHI3TmwvSlNHczlTNk51K0kxS2lDckwrVnpwV0IwTk0rUWV0ZnViSGpNem93K0R0U2JFNE9nUjdjYnArcnRpeWpVcUJlbW5lYzl5ZEZQZzVGc0hwczE3ZFZqV2EvUEtlSHVCNDZSbFhWT2dKdm16V0Y0anEv/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(681ce4f9799dc6b87ceef15a37ad983e).jpg)
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – Winnie the Pooh LIKE CRAZY QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZW5vTk9XNzlNT3dVQ1EvYzdlV0RVbGlVdkd2eEtpaTJvck9oNWJEbldlRUhTc1lBclh2Zlh4T0NDMjcvQjFqbnV2VThDaldKRk5ESkVkUktLaXVqT0R2clc1K3dkVmwzMGJzcFdGUFZRT1RBPT0%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5f24775a470898ed0c9a30c86f257f0b).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just dancing with the floor.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDZ0FablBPODNwOGc3Tm02RlZ6M0Z4L0VlWnMraGNtUVgvdWtMc3QxOWNGdVFjcEgvaGpBZ2J6T25WVVJVOEtObHVLK2NESFMrTjVFSS9xeHFSTzFyQ0FkT2VZRVEzTFprSElmb2RhWjNaNEFhSnM2TFdWdWg5b1Bma2xhNEQ2STVpYTkvUVZLSWdoTkYvUkJhRnc3NGRL/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(d10462887103f8b275f0235a59acdd7e).jpg)
“The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjRkWGZHN0VDK2Z5S1BxeUVyeVF4QWh2TUNCRnp1OWZNM0gydXA5TDk3akd6YWdrd2JjUmRwdWU0dGZKSWRmTlh1ZjNWSjlsc0dsWm5PUjZrNXhhQmlFbW5FQ1BSMHVaaS9NbFJIQWpZZEg3ZmZnQ21TS2FpdDRDRkJBaDJkaFYrZkoxNjExdnNTYS9MeVFXMEtsUXFJPQ%3D%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(3532f701bc8e0d60ecb2aa7fa148a6d3).jpg)
“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z3dubVFSa3pQYWtqV2h5RFh6WlpGZjNzdnVIU0VCcytENmpVd1VWMGVCTU51VkY4b1JyNkdwVnZ0YTNyTjdKYStQdVNZZElac1FDR3o2SlhTRHdxVTk2OUhmT0FkQ0dEd2I2Z3N5bVg4WjFuREt4OThON29JYlVtU3lQQVB4aGgzWGZuZjVaejJ5UEVRSEp6cWpybXJv/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(4022bd507c44d899ad8e30ba9b1a2bb4).jpg)
“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWWJUL0gyTi9PZ0RRYUd3QmNZQk5sV0RxU0RDMmM0SzZpODI1dWZaaEhhSGt3Sy9DUWlWNVR3a2ovOFFpcFZOb1NwMk9reUx1T1JMemprK2hOY2xiNEhXNTdhVkZJcWI4Q3hRaDZrWjFDcVpYMWEvUEZkZGF0bHIwd1NPSXdoMTd6ZlJDV0NyR0VjMkRQY1RUc2FiejBrPQ%3D%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(052ee51051c685e68d2579ae9c60771b).jpg)
“If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzM2w5V3lhQ3FwbHl4cFBlbDBBcVozSlJjWTVLeHpXaHJibnpUbS9yeUtxbW5ReTV1MHBrTHkyZ2huM1VDOGxtczIvVms5d1Qza1pmTTRJQVNsdWxCak0%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(3c9cd6ebbf085a759a1b81cc006e3528).jpg)
“If there’s a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUhtam5XalBwQTFwYWFjRGpFRlhMbmcxTU5ORUI1MFB0eS92cU5uQkRIMXJENW9MMjVPenhIV2lXdFBwSTQrTnRPR0ZPYVc1VC9tSW4zNHN4Um8yUHQwdGpTT2RxczVMWWIycTVyZkFCTHVTQUY0Szh2SFE4VVhuYXV5cW9OUFFVTlhza3djNWZJZ2xkU095b3dzeU13PQ%3D%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(2f9d44429e703ad2fc93b4694c2c7f79).jpg)
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDaFh2MEw2M3p3QzBPNU5rdUo1amRmdGJORzA4ZitNL1NQNERMYnkrWGgyaGx4aG5MbktGMzFKelVIejJvN0dReGd1TGgyVnlNYjhwd1pDWGhjME85MnRMQll1cVhxV3hXZUJkeG4vQXh5d1MxY2VjK1lPVXk4ektraHJvVjFTeXgrN0p2a0RXQkRxT0NaSW03T0xwMTdz/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(576548f15a8d4b972c42483583eef6ab).jpg)
“The only thing I’m sure about in my life is that I am a masterpiece of mistake.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWW9tZkY4L29zWGw4RDJOcGhoakhZbUZRYU55WVZnRTFwUythOFpEZUhidkFyRDlPc24yK1VDZUtRRUlaYmpVOUZHSGkrQXdwTk1qVUFZTTNqZWM2V2d6VXJIdy9FN2YrK29qM2FFdHRDM1Y%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(19ba768da487b04c8031e0e86780ec6c).jpg)
“I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M0dQWHA4ckNMSzVCTHhEVXVpYVMzYURlZWRMMUkyUlFxQXYxSmpTalQ3V212VTg4WTNyTSttQzUwLzIwUFN1RGsyWlBXNE1Uak10RFJSYXFrWDBFb0VRPT0%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(f217d861d33c20a57f9e4f17dd46ca37).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVzQ0UTNsWFhYL1MrWElYMExXdzZ5eFNDazQyMHJtMXpPYkFSMUZhRlc3dWFSbzVXZURLdm5HSzA0b1hvb0pMUEVJMnBPdjdPSm0rTXZiVTY5VWtOVklIT1lZdis2MVBYRWh5YkZWdXhaWGE4V2lQc2hTSXBXQm9GM3BWSGtuTjRBPT0%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(11f2eae40eb33c6940090929e8d2b05a).jpg)
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” – Erma Bombeck
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUjhINThUbmxNTk9ucDFQeUxsZm9uZ3ZiR1BPcVdmdnlwWXN3cUdwOEtqamJKVmppcXJNRFRHaU5HeUFhRHhxKzlEYlZ0WDZWL3F2azVobjBLRThoM3luQ0gvcW9NMlQ2Y3NCdENLVlArQ2JJVEZHZTJHVXNWOTlncDBSUjdXbVdRPT0%3D/FAMOUS+SHORT+FUNNY+QUOTES/(ef4a9520cea8e6b471460fd756a60dfa).jpg)
“If you’re going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it!” – Unknown