![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TVEVGa29MNnlLZG9vaXhFVkJQSzY4R0JqRHZWMmVzLzRPNENoV2ZsMTIvWElxNU54c1JhMTJER0VOelBIRHZjWXBwZjN1ZDV4NGRqSFZqaStOMlR5eUdQQnhzV29XeS9vREJLTnpCZTdnRmRvTHdjdzNSZEdCQU5tb05iamFZcjhRPQ%3D%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(08e69cc40d78795312c52b8df7a536dc).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just really good at finding furniture corners with my toes.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMU09kT2J2dUVOb2hwaklsdUNoNG5JTWNTa1g3NGhNbXpYMXdxdE9iakNaSVEvOEI0TXYrSVN5OCs0blFlWDdVVWFiUS8vZ3V5TC94ZVFyaTN2bksvaGk%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(af46f0e7c6e8d898d339c755a0c94875).jpg)
“I tried to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVXRCU2llaHNvN3J3QzdVcXRkbnU0WUN1eWhHSE5mUjZvZW45UEx2MHY2bmJ2Q2hLamVyNUxxTklncWhieDREc2F4ZS9hazRZQ1YyMzFuc1VVa2ZXNjRFS3RXdkp4TmRPWU13V1d6UXhtWVJaTG5jdmJ1T0xiYXlOenNOWlFkWVdET01zbFk2bklWWVM4Zi92L1dRWldK/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(03055e6a8e12187a2e58fa5935efff5b).jpg)
“I asked a librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you!'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAveXA2eUJlWGoxMVRuV2w4cWpva3Y1cGhKYTkzd3BXL3g1TTVCcG04U0VLNlVVa01vaUthNGNjZ1A5SjZNbXR5UFBUVlo1dEltNnQwdGJUd2kvNTVIVUg3S0huVUdOTEdtMzNoU0RCSzluR2FRPT0%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(e5794edf280bcf872ebd0143af2dd27e).jpg)
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFelVwUmVpcHFqdFQ0VkhpbGlvWkdlRk83RENramRNMGNXV3ZxU1oxRko5OUZVQ054alg4Q1dkeDlHTE5TcTI2V2Y5RmI1Snh5ODdMeWwzeWxSbmFONzN4RjI2Y0JSTzdYZEVBcUxXRmhkUEhBPT0%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(8224eaeab62d41e5b143990a154c8656).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She hugged me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkphZWxiSUVyWlpBOUVTUSswejl4bXQ1eUg2SC9NdExDb3NMcVZoRE1WN1ZaMmlWQ1BNR1BiQm5aOXJ0TEdTWXdOWXlnQkRRMTRuNFJSc2hmKy9VdXU%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(96c71cadea9c7ee7d1c386a18f869a61).jpg)
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVVVYR0d0cFlOQml2N0N5SnFVSlNwSnZmeGpuQVlpZ2c3OWQ1TUFzcXp5WllWT3BOMm9DYXRuengwb2RCZDdYVUFkMDRnenQ1cTVQOG9ZNk9rRmhvY29YZXdyTmdES0paYXkzMWcveHZNZnFUNTJLclczMXBNMnpzWDhuYWh6WERVWTJiOHhsK2hTSGw3ZUJxWjZLVXJH/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(86a7ab4af09abbc80b63c91c9d742641).jpg)
“I asked my dog what’s the secret to a long life. He replied, ‘Don’t chase cars!'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAvemR4STlHd1ROWFhHb1ExNmlDcDdnNnRSTTN6WlVRYy9iUjQ0SEdqMzBLMmxIN21LNFE0T2kvVmZmeFJWWUxPWTNKejlUTVJqVFROQmlTUk5OWkgyTnR0U0ZzWmlHcVJPZEg3ZG8vUlBZNStRPT0%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(8666a970d2c854419dc2542fd17061de).jpg)
“Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFelVwUmVpcHFqdFQ0VkhpbGlvWkdlRk83RENramRNMGNXV3ZxU1oxRko5OUZVQ054alg4Q1dkeDlHTE5TcTI2V2RiVUYwWjBsTnpmRmpvN0U4RThqdTVZQldTOHZ2L0FraTAwSTBsRnNyTFRnPT0%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(2420055ad4478925eb94b1dce1a26a55).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She gave me a hug.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUmNlemNoU1JzZTZONk5DbXVaSWl2T2FpeFdkaUJWVnc4OXVuSUVYT1dFaWVaL0pDOGlia0t4TldtTlFHQUdPNTc0bWRjbFgxWGVtZGVaTkk3Q0U1dHNSN3FqSDA2ZUsrRUZxSXh3RkhadS9CMmkwckV2UUF1UDlnYU1KRHJWbEJVOFNxUGtITFBKUWtiSm1XbHBZUGhJPQ%3D%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(d9b45aff5d6f9b5fe578e7aa567e1c2a).jpg)
“I can’t believe I got sacked from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteDJhemJud1hsa1JjY0tuUW56QkR1UDl0Y2x1eW9PNFVnQ1ZTREhXanJhU2N1TElIdlE1RVdISUQxNlJaOUEzQkQ5aXJjVWZGYzJmYXppQmREMU5sSWM%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(d55437a429ab6614a2b43a7135e76b43).jpg)
“I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands instead.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzM21pNUlhcnJVYWFkOThoenJRNEN2dWtNQ1NqNklqYTV4a0wxaDRNTjlrOTlUSjRlRnFOQm95WlJ1QzgwYStZVVIzRjljWHJ3UlBSbnVtdWp2dHFFYWdUU1llNG5raUJ4WWVBV0dtcGhmaDNtTTMwZWU0Wlg4TlV1TWZjSkR4bkpCUkEzRXpDU1hCTXJyckVCS000a2Ex/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(b10a3c4dc268dc1f91dc4aefa93f3315).jpg)
“If there were a contest for the laziest person, I’d probably send someone else to enter on my behalf.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWHpXeUs0cXJGMU5aL0pHZC9CcDRaK1kvcnlyTnU3bDRzaHRoUUx4TzR2aGlnUjM5Nk1Nek1vejhSVGhRTWhkb1Z0T2N5bHZkcmxDcStjRTdLbWJjTHptK1JjK0U5U3BBQVZlZ0NGMW42WXFXTTR5YXVETTllS2ZtWlpNbTZzUzFMVTNURk9xWFVRd1hXVndXUURrYnhJPQ%3D%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(0bdfe729f4ace135cf2eec8419ef8361).jpg)
“I accidentally booked a trip to Rhode Iceland. Turns out it was just a big block of ice.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFeHVIelJ4blF3K1hQbkNtcmcxeWlWMzByNlRnZXU1by8vbjVMYkJ5Vko5aEtrM2orcEFKbkNYNG1RZ3Y1UE44WTI5K3JmSGJxWXgrZEdDU2xmdC9TY2pPRDJxYnpJcFpJa29WMUNhNnJaSTZ3PT0%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(c0c5b83558d54af564caac45e144f4a7).jpg)
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAveXA2eUJlWGoxMVRuV2w4cWpva3Y1cGhKYTkzd3BXL3g1TTVCcG04U0VLNlVVa01vaUthNGNjZ1A5SjZNbXR5UFBUVlo1dEltNnQwdGJUd2kvNTVIVUg3S0huVUdOTEdtMzNoU0RCSzluR2FRPT0%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(e5794edf280bcf872ebd0143af2dd27e).jpg)
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFelVwUmVpcHFqdFQ0VkhpbGlvWkdlRk83RENramRNMGNXV3ZxU1oxRko5OUZVQ054alg4Q1dkeDlHTE5TcTI2V2Y5RmI1Snh5ODdMeWwzeWxSbmFONzNKRmJEM1lRLzJVNWRJc2FiUUhhSUhyaXV3emFYL3ZyekxFTHRMdjZGK09NPQ%3D%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(2ca28e455cbbf89e1ca4f6bd77424435).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She hugged me.” GRANDPA DAY QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkphZWxiSUVyWlpBOUVTUSswejl4bXQ1eUg2SC9NdExDb3NMcVZoRE1WN1ZaMmlWQ1BNR1BiQm5aOXJ0TEdTWXdOWXlnQkRRMTRuNFJSc2hmKy9VdXU%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(96c71cadea9c7ee7d1c386a18f869a61).jpg)
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVVVYR0d0cFlOQml2N0N5SnFVSlNwSnZmeGpuQVlpZ2c3OWQ1TUFzcXp5WllWT3BOMm9DYXRuengwb2RCZDdYVUFkMDRnenQ1cTVQOG9ZNk9rRmhvY29YZXdyTmdES0paYXkzMWcveHZNZnFUNTJLclczMXBNMnpzWDhuYWh6WERVWTJiOHhsK2hTSGw3ZUJxWjZLVXJH/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(86a7ab4af09abbc80b63c91c9d742641).jpg)
“I asked my dog what’s the secret to a long life. He replied, ‘Don’t chase cars!'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMUnBWUW45REtnZi9pRmN1ajRaenRUVDVicStDMFhibG9ic0IzOCtsY3Fta08yaSt2UWpnd3JlamxldzVyVm11SWM9/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(2b429e297dbdb029a787e5b0831894a7).jpg)
“I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAveXA2eUJlWGoxMVRuV2w4cWpva3Y1cGhKYTkzd3BXL3g1TTVCcG04U0VLNlVVa01vaUthNGNjZ1A5SjZNbXR5UFBUVlo1dEltNnQwdGJUd2kvNTVIVUg3S0huVUdOTEdtMzNoU0RCSzluR2FRPT0%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(e5794edf280bcf872ebd0143af2dd27e).jpg)
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFelVwUmVpcHFqdFQ0VkhpbGlvWkdlRk83RENramRNMGNXV3ZxU1oxRko5OUZVQ054alg4Q1dkeDlHTE5TcTI2V2Y5RmI1Snh5ODdMeWwzeWxSbmFONzN4RjI2Y0JSTzdYZEVBcUxXRmhkUEhBPT0%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(8224eaeab62d41e5b143990a154c8656).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She hugged me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkphZWxiSUVyWlpBOUVTUSswejl4bXQ1eUg2SC9NdExDb3NMcVZoRE1WN1ZaMmlWQ1BNR1BiQm5aOXJ0TEdTWXdOWXlnQkRRMTRuNFJSc2hmKy9VdXU%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(96c71cadea9c7ee7d1c386a18f869a61).jpg)
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAvemR4STlHd1ROWFhHb1ExNmlDcDdnNnRSTTN6WlVRYy9iUjQ0SEdqMzBLMmxIN21LNFE0T2kvVmZmeFJWWUxPWTNKejlUTVJqVFROQmlTUk5OWkgyTnR0U0ZzWmlHcVJPZEg3ZG8vUlBZNStRPT0%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(8666a970d2c854419dc2542fd17061de).jpg)
“Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVVVYR0d0cFlOQml2N0N5SnFVSlNwSnZmeGpuQVlpZ2c3OWQ1TUFzcXp5WllWT3BOMm9DYXRuengwb2RCZDdYVUFkMDRnenQ1cTVQOG9ZNk9rRmhvY29YZXdyTmdES0paYXkzMWcveHZNZnFUNTJLclczMXBNMnpzWDhuYWh6WERVWTJiOHhsK2hTSGw3ZUJxWjZLVXJH/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(86a7ab4af09abbc80b63c91c9d742641).jpg)
“I asked my dog what’s the secret to a long life. He replied, ‘Don’t chase cars!'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteDJhemJud1hsa1JjY0tuUW56QkR1UDl0Y2x1eW9PNFVnQ1ZTREhXanJhU2N1TElIdlE1RVdISUQxNlJaOUEzQkQ5aXJjVWZGYzJmYXppQmREMU5sSWM%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(d55437a429ab6614a2b43a7135e76b43).jpg)
“I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands instead.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzM21pNUlhcnJVYWFkOThoenJRNEN2dWtNQ1NqNklqYTV4a0wxaDRNTjlrOTlUSjRlRnFOQm95WlJ1QzgwYStZVVIzRjljWHJ3UlBSbnVtdWp2dHFFYWdUU1llNG5raUJ4WWVBV0dtcGhmaDNtTTMwZWU0Wlg4TlV1TWZjSkR4bkpCUkEzRXpDU1hCTXJyckVCS000a2Ex/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(b10a3c4dc268dc1f91dc4aefa93f3315).jpg)
“If there were a contest for the laziest person, I’d probably send someone else to enter on my behalf.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWHpXeUs0cXJGMU5aL0pHZC9CcDRaK1kvcnlyTnU3bDRzaHRoUUx4TzR2aGlnUjM5Nk1Nek1vejhSVGhRTWhkb1Z0T2N5bHZkcmxDcStjRTdLbWJjTHptK1JjK0U5U3BBQVZlZ0NGMW42WXFXTTR5YXVETTllS2ZtWlpNbTZzUzFMVTNURk9xWFVRd1hXVndXUURrYnhJPQ%3D%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(0bdfe729f4ace135cf2eec8419ef8361).jpg)
“I accidentally booked a trip to Rhode Iceland. Turns out it was just a big block of ice.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFeHVIelJ4blF3K1hQbkNtcmcxeWlWMzByNlRnZXU1by8vbjVMYkJ5Vko5aEtrM2orcEFKbkNYNG1RZ3Y1UE44WTI5K3JmSGJxWXgrZEdDU2xmdC9TY2pPRDJxYnpJcFpJa29WMUNhNnJaSTZ3PT0%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(c0c5b83558d54af564caac45e144f4a7).jpg)
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZTAwdWhNbFYrZEFqWE1IYlRvd21ZMWlPNGUvR0ZjV1ZEQVdWK0tLN2ZNYS9wVTRPSGJLZ1VISVRoOGF1c3c4ZFJnYVUrRmxIYUg0VHB4dGpJRldjY2JKTm5mS1p5bElRZ3J2eFZoN2pqVXFRPT0%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(fbc03ea0e445ad90e78be33ada4543e2).jpg)
“I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZG1jek8wTUo2V2dnK1Yzd3RDMjArck9naE8vZHZvdUh1T0prWWlZaEhaKzJNdkNJeGl6YzQxZTdWa3lybGdPT1hDZkgxY2VtKzl0NmV0ekJNSmNpb05uUUZac2xiSlZtUkg5WkVxMVM2UUIwb1ptYTZuaG8zNWQ4ZkRlbTc1NHV3PT0%3D/IF+YOU+CAN+MAKE+ME+LAUGH+QUOTES/(dff5a2330d37f485e34113b4985f089f).jpg)
“Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home? It lost its bearings.”