![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVGJ3NWhSeWdFUTdsdjczWmFrRThPNWVQS21qdVZvV2JodkNqRTZxVy8rVDJRY0ltNkx6T2NYZlFnWEhsZWh5RWJLZE1xRzV5Zmx3YlNvV0h1aGNJZkR0L1hIenVlRFlJdE5jSTUvOHRpVktBbnQ4OUxMdjM3bFNZdUU1NlVxM0hadlNvcDQ5ck9rd1dzTmMvWmI0b2lWUkxuYWVQYy9TRXFjRGIrdDlINXdHRVcrQ0RUQ0hCZ29uTWt5UHJ3ZFVTWnZIeEs1cUtSSkZaTFAycXNSUEdPVT0%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(42a1bf6b8c2a2f5537649b3a73e02461).jpg)
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMOXFudFNQNVRKWWVINjdHQ25mcWhZQjJnbHUvblM4NENraTVXbWk2dGhjQlhSKzhzU0ZoZUdsUHVvNk9nUWJVb3owQ050eWFqeUt6K0xJOUhHSHpmSXd6aDR0OFFRUXBrcVYyT2I2K3NIN3c1M1M5Tit2clBQbHBYd0h1MGFsWTJBPT0%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(8d884fa90f87c366ca2a02acea122d8a).jpg)
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNUxjUnRoTjJpTlFTU2FaR0d1a3VvSVhSMDhKMURIcjFlR3FSRnhScFZrQnpTSkEvZG03UzBhd2IrekxSdVo2dzk5aHYzQmFoRHBpQm1ETk1KUGZ6ektBQzhOUTlZRjh4MWhvSTJYUStnSDE%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(4ca7c87fa7f5d821400e6831e9ad6d56).jpg)
“I intend to live forever, or die trying.” – Groucho Marx
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3o1MUptMnVuR1JFVkJnL05STGxwTkhpK01oTysvcW5QanoxYUl2dGlQUmJ1eGE5WTRqZDNYdURraE5NVmRRdlFwQUxyWHVoMHNINTdpZDc2VEJ1eVpjMzh4cTU1TDFzNU96S3grUlJQMkI%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(6f6d7b558706d4e4f3b5ec92c84b6d30).jpg)
“I never said half the things I said.” – Yogi Berra
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNzY2OXJoRm5JU2FrVmJiTmVjajJOaWtPekxkZS9hZzM0R3EwUFcvTi8rNVlZZkJVTERWcXBVYlFoN2FSZTd3eDgwaERIQ2pOM2M0T0tGQ0F2OFB3OXA0aVo4cWR3M2JQK29kTUxsalRKeC9qNnhvUHBMYWF3Qzl4bVhuZ2tUVWhhenVWSEVOUEtkWWdjUjlnd0lIU0trPQ%3D%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5b4ac08a118619e73b73dd5d0b8c0b87).jpg)
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMVpWUjlpQVJYelNUbFZnY0VNWFlUeTVxVkR3aU9mTGpwTXUxT0h2alNkc0NiMVZnUlg4aTA4dEtack0vTGE4SHlwTng1U0RIcXFCTFNzT0FGVktxVjRxZ0RXWk5MMlRhekVYd3pCWXFLTEFWZ3JyaDNyV1pKdklQVG56TzVSZUdZamsvMHNTVDRWNFAyOUdpc3gzMm80akk2OFZnU3A0d1RyZ2lOQ3cxQTNpZz09/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(80061386aac2cfe3b7b3e9df0c766bd8).jpg)
“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals, I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd1dPd3BNMjVKY3ZmdC9lLzNjaGdtR2MzbmRYcXI1aUkxemc5VVV1N0x0KzlieWVRdk12dm1LSU5NeDJrb2tZazIwOTJLbGlHZnhSOHAzZURtaXc0TjJaVCttbVBYQXJDdkJxczVlbEl0NGgvZjl6S1dwMldCdE1XYlRhbzhOWXEyOWVuMy9IVDJPTjJuQ0dTMEJ5Ui9yUUNlRkpuMWM5TEMxZzV4Z3ZIR09ieUhsQ3IvYmRxSVBJbmV3TzVydXp2eVh3cW53S05LcDQrUDdJK2dONjU5ZU9RNk9uV3M1Q3Y2cnNYdUVYRzFNRDlpM3dQYXhYVWtEUzlmYUNtZTNGOXRBUk95S3IvL2VoTE5lY3RRNnFzTDhUT29JRm5HMkl5VlpBQlBqVEZFb1c%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(dd5a2dbfa650ad56892b088fac09edd4).jpg)
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMktMNHVOcFo5SFRpSVJRUTgya0FaMC9kWE9KWjhwMm1SMlI4TkhTaWo0WVpueG1yS2JCMm9iSlJLanBJWjNJbFdpZlM0VkZPMmVMalVNa0RZV0wyeFZWY2RXU252YmFrVm5ySnZyZm5Tc3paL3RCTW5xNFVLbVBOc1FwMndldHBJPQ%3D%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(935b74d2fb59cd60a1e21e1456ed9810).jpg)
“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMVBKaXg5cE1OSUZpdGZkeW9zbm9Xcjhsa1JoK1JJTnJQdmwrTG8wRWQ4OEEzcWM0ZTRjV2Nwc0NiMmVDeXBCWXBkNWdsRThQTUJsL3JEWTlPaFRiVTNaVDd3MU5zemkxQll4VTFuRGZwK2lRb0QwQStuZlp5TGlBbVh0RTNVTlZnbW4zTS94VnF3bXBQNTB4cEV0MlljPQ%3D%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(690dc2339a1e380b3680b0ebd903eca5).jpg)
“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMN2R2b0E2TkYyQWZYZTkrQ2FTOTV2SGkxeDIxT2RSOHRtelVjcFAxRnF4djlnZGt0ZExCa1ZOdGVwNG5CY2tLd1JkTFVudmFLLzUvTEJhSHJoUVZPWHcxbjdZamhRQ1NKSHFyYnR5U1p6TW1wdXY3UGx2NnlyUzZVZWNOd2d4QWtnPT0%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(eccb4c85f96e2e921cf5c91903093e78).jpg)
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNXJSNStFNUpuSVVFMWpxVGEreStJRWlhOU9KbmlZSFhHTFlYMnozMVBBQnhWeGI4a3NoVTUvTkNGOHEzcTRTR0YrNTNuMnNjR1BLalltTVBxNGxPSkhXYk1ndjJqMnJNQUMwS0s3a292UEg%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(62a238d7540658cefb272f606374f6c9).jpg)
“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMitvRFhkcWl1aDA4VkVMaWNjVmFwSnhMeEVuN04xekJxV0JkS0g2cmxkdDl5ZzNWQ21TWU9qdUtrMXNNSWtVR0I4QzV2aWQyZmFoRkhWMHlHOUxGSEJxTzRHZ0g0ekRoUVF4Y0pOSmZXREVQcmlPRXRicS9aZkJ1RUhjNU9ZbHUxd3BtMFZLQStLdHQ1bUdUSFozY3pBPQ%3D%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(790a2dcaa947f252ac497d1add02ee41).jpg)
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.” – Steven Wright
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdML1JGTDZWaDRFY0loeFRoend5ZzNEMmFIRUV0RHNFakw3elBvUjdlaU5YNytST2JTS2ZSaXVXUzdCc09sTDRZSHNmUndUZHJ4dTBidjJMUG5LRDl1TXQ5RGxKZzlNeXdhdlJzdE1SM0NPa0tiVzh5VSs5Mk1sNVdIdXJyNEJ2emFpSjhOMUZ4cysrR1B5dHlka2RPeHF3PQ%3D%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(9e5e67250c17405c8329a58d77c0e7d0).jpg)
“The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.” – Martin Mull
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMnlQVTNLcmIvY3VpczlPUmFEWGsvS1lXSkdaODhoRThMSVEyeXJyeStrbE9rOUhVakhILzNRYzJHanR6RFpIRHR4KzhBUHdBOWt5aG1XTzg3MkNoVE5OdFFOTGNsS2w1SGZvMG55UFhVR2xOeERzb1ZIZWw3aEtZMm92WE40NFhldTlKb2RRbk5Hdm1VNjRER2dSVy9WaVpHeGovaFh6RERRTWJ5d0hyQUV2ZlpxT2RJTEJESENvQVJTeDRRR3pLZz0%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(c124dadd7fee922ed9cc359f8d63d251).jpg)
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott, The Office QUOTES ABOUT BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH A GIRL
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMktMNHVOcFo5SFRpSVJRUTgya0FaMC9kWE9KWjhwMm1SMlI4TkhTaWo0WVpueG1yS2JCMm9iSlJLanBJWjNJbFdpZlM0VkZPMmVMalVNa0RZV0wyeFZpc3JFSHNCY1RCNnJSbFBnVkt5eWlBPT0%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(d50078734b1c20e6ecc1aeab5a78df24).jpg)
“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMEJCZXpaYTlYeHBOZlFWM2xsQ1ZUN2ZGdmhkaGRyV2xNamloVUF2UDAyS3FMdEl5NTlHbmQ0REU4NjMxSkJwRG8yYmhtakZhZTA2K3VzQk9VSGxFUGswV21ZRG5sNEYyYlg4WEJkeGpiNnArVkVIa3BzZWFJcmJsa0hZMGRwYUFLT2kxTXViR0ZwY0d6c2VnV2k0VXUwPQ%3D%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(8e9105fab6aec4e11e0972bbdcfd55bb).jpg)
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” – Fred Allen
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMTdlMlIza1dDUy9jUnpKUlhPYzcrcy9mTTJQZUZxM0ZjZi8xbnhqcnUrUllGVCtEZU5Ud0lwc1R2WkpQeVRhdzcweHVTUEd0Q29UNXVvZWxWZ1cwdE5VMWVlNWQwMG5ScVRWS3IxSU1NQkhtSGNSc1JHSkgvdkI4RE5uL3pyTUZPL0dXaDVncjRZTGNIdms1WVBvRi9jcXVZM3g4TFNBLzYwL21jQTZjSUlG/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(6a52436b71ae95b2cec6c16d55c06a22).jpg)
“Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they happen to be poisonous.” – Paulo Coelho
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMElmU0dxN2hwckJFajZGcFUwa3pEeUJwUXBrT0xCcXVaT3NlQmhHdFNqdDNnU2VMU2crT2JZUzZhUU9hbnBOakZOaCtXM1NPSlA5ZjdqcXNka1BKVkhQaEpSVDhrWEs5bVBzOWtXdkNONUpGUE9HTm9rWlIra2g5T2lvVXQzSnpocVhBdXBCMmhuQU1jcnFsL1lnRVc0dmtabGsxNHdEQlVjV0t6V3lERGlER25uVDNjWThrVzZjdzlSaHJsMVg5TCs5eXpTR3FQTkx1ZllzTitJUHMxTXN5QkFaUDJqNHRla0lQUzhkRXVCSA%3D%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(14d2678f2df33591c2e3f4b42502474a).jpg)
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?” – Scott Adams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNXFta3Iwdm1ZR3RLd0todDJlTHpBYUJ5NmxOZ0JIeU0zYjhnYXZCbmVKREJGdU1ya3ZVVzNxRFhLWkdmdzF1TlpWZkRJYVNXN1ZRNjgzTjNvYncxWWJpL1F0NjZ0ZmZyVEQ3RnVDWm1xc1RTYU5TbW11V1B2OVZHa2JwclN1UXNlUWRpT2NieExZM0Z0OEVXRWtLczVINGRnWE1sM1ZzZ3hINkFKc2QyeUs1YnNQTUhERmhqSFIwSUMyTmVRSnR4RW84bW8yMDdsK3FDdWsrMkVXa1hRWnFMcHlwby9KdllmUmZWNHZScFYzOWdaVW5yVzdTSDZqbVRuTk1nZlFWWWgvYW1HMlpHYkwwRmJXUXBpa3VmdE09/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(c922e83ece07438a609c239d5ea94ac5).jpg)
“The secret to a successful marriage is a sense of humor, because if you can’t laugh at each other, you’ll end up arguing about who left the toilet seat up.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMlBrdDU0bVh3aG5rVHZxd1VPU1NJdi9rMXYvNGpuUVZlL0UwQ25XMnlzMERUNTBLQlpjTjRKbjFSdnFNYzRSZmF6UUJuV0NGTW9Lemk4aFc3OE4yNVo2Yk1GcVNpWWdyaFhsVUgrR2NHMHpZMDZ5Yk5jdnA5YnRtN09VWC9rZjJrdk13dllVQThHU0htL05lZDRUNmNs/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(4b01a0954e07ddb1b1a63b16b8d95049).jpg)
“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNUlGNXUzZzRVSUo5STdNRGNxZFhJdjdUamVHQjRIMTNIVjhxK0hlQm0wSWxGenhCYnlDakhKVlNoaTZZRWMzcWVIZFNHb09mejFlbVBjN2ZFQ1lOQi9PUlJnSi9BYlJITHBGeGloQXVEdW50U1ZHMkViMUpnQkNPR0ZSNHVKckRheFl0MUZCU2xqKzY4N2hYNGQ2Y1EwWU5vZFpvS2k2RnVFVzZMMGJDWEEw/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e77930301fe2348202f2bb9926adca66).jpg)
“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMSsvL1VLZWU4bUJCU0RrSnJkTmJhUFVER1A1MFN2NmgyUTRDLzV0NXNtOWtBZ3ZiRlJ3WjU4R3dJVmJyMG5rQnQwYU9rcHAyZlgvQkhaS0tuck5Xc0FwQ2RtYWpyVXp0L2UvS3hhVnVMS1pzRDA1aGh6UWl1ZlhUdVB1SnRlRkJnPT0%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(870fa2a8a34efc178d34b85cdcd67313).jpg)
“Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.” – Golda Meir
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMOWRoaWNOTGcrT0RIOThLTEhXbWhISWxMcHpNTkhiZHZvV05Sck9HaDRHSEJ6Z1F3cXUyQXM4OUNnZy9PcWloZEhMT3JicHM1d3pOcXZNdkJpNGlISENKZ1psTVBVOXhqNVM5eGE1Z3o3anJyd0xremE3SThFZ1VZR2dqK3dLcFQrVnRZdEpOTDRUSVc4UXArMGthcXMrYzJZMnJEbmx5K0JlQkNvaXpkdEwvOTNTNURDOVVlcmtqQTVaUmVFQVcwc3NnRGRoYWI4Qnc3dnJUS0w5a0hLcUl0d1JzT2dvUHE5ZHBkc3ZsRDlXZXZxc1pRejZBRjVBUjJDeEJIQVJEMFdLNHZncG10ZXBxVnZ1alpiQjQ4b2wvWnNEVDFzQVVnYlhPSTdCeHp3dCs%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(4eb688eaa786d30ff9db298b577b21d3).jpg)
“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.” – Elayne Boosler
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMOFRVYU4wRFNBeXpadTJBa1VkdU5mZUUvZm1DMUowMGM4YUE5dm5JZW5jMFVld2o0RUNqLzlIcmVWaUo3eWVPa3pLUWtzdnNBK1dWVi92S2o3M1J2eFc3ZVdlVXFTWEo0MnArRG9tcVcvRzV5UW1mU0tYWExOaDFaTkJOOU9RYWd3PT0%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(3d16d87662a864d256d662e840e71aa7).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNzY2OXJoRm5JU2FrVmJiTmVjajJOZ0phWjRETmlGTlNBcmlkYkZPZDI1T2lKL2NRRFZvUm15SFdMdkt3MTJ3MGlwZXZxeDdCb0c0MlRxUWRzNzhuYStoa2tvTEtiRWFwSEVvUm5vSlp1a0x2MFhkSFhjM2E3cjVnYnF4UmZ2THZpTzc5RFViUmZlMTJhbVJSQ2J5TnVNUzVjODdqQ3Yzd1JNcm9hV2FRSXNkUnhmVHQyOERGNFpHQWd2VExZN1V3dS9jK3hraVFmZVN1SUdqWjhtMVVUcDluNWZXQXBPZm9rTUlCM0dPWC8yUA%3D%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(18bf0f7570b7f045ebc03e73b31e0602).jpg)
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” – Mark Twain
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMUJkbVl0MFAzcnNqM2dCVmNmdGIrdjFnbXVMN2p3UmppV2txWHpWY05jQ0tVWG1xU2UwRkxlaFp6MmtJcTJnK295M3dUeGxtemhkZDRpd0dCUTJXODdMMmgyUlpRV2g4NzhzdUxLQ2FmZXZ5SUNKZXdJVmZXWm5lVmVQUWpxMUFRPT0%3D/TAKEN+FOR+GRANTED+FUNNY+QUOTES/(679813638128db37e999fd6d132a650b).jpg)
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin