![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TUlZTV3EyL21rOXRFZ1JWVUErK2dwVXorWDZkN1JyUDMrSXhqYTdEdXVUZDZiZW9XTjVaOEhmM0JaZTVybXJtdzVqZ1orWFFoRXN6VG9rUktnUi9VaGQ%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(baa22d0d74846240374ca65a6a978e69).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRTblU1OUpvbUpoSTFnUEo5NEgrNlMzazlCWFJnanhRajlKK3FyTkNjdndZaExyWnVoSHRSNkZxMmNsRmlEeWNUU2Y0aTFYdW81Nk1reUVxYUpqSkxaTUltcDFmbTVLOFNCSWN5U3hPSUNJK0hkbzhMQzhXK2JuRTRhZWZCSEV3PT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e548d95f21dd90d83f7893a403ff3ad0).jpg)
“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY1ErNldUQm00dE94Q25FcytNc2UvSGc3eHQ0MG9ZNko5RE0yVjM5TldSZVMwN1F6QnhPOWY4VjlrcTNIc0RZUVlDQ1hkc0hheEQxMndtTkw1cVFvbVE4MDBWVUNIblV1WllJVk5xdjhsRW4%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(bdea3e6137f2e6c7d2b8601e10b97019).jpg)
“Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFelVwUmVpcHFqdFQ0VkhpbGlvWkdlRk83RENramRNMGNXV3ZxU1oxRko5OUtsOXc3THF5Q0E3aWRDNTFnQ0F0NEQzSGNoRDhsL3hUUTJqUUU1MU1GSDRxWVhwczRDUVhuSTgvWjh1S2RFTmF3PT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(1ba9c25b8b6b703f57b7401b134827dc).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVkNwVWozblg4SElBZ0w2bzNUN3o2dmNXbm9mT1BmaXhQdmc4czZYZ3B2V1Fjd3RwTWZZWEJDbUdlYm1YZ0plN2h1SWg4U1NDZzNXU3NxR05GRDdDNXZ6S0FKVlpVQ05BQmhaanRXcm54UVdxUnMwUElkbHFwR3RIZjBDRzlqamZ3PT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5bc0a6e063563b59a0755de41401e88a).jpg)
“If at first, you don’t succeed, then maybe skydiving isn’t for you.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVi9venFDb1JJQTNtRW9oREFrVDRaZXlTVGRhSWIxUGVUT3FDcUR2Tkg1bllxNEpLR0hQOGZ5cDlMN2N4WWs3QnZsSDQvelVuQTltQzAvb3dsTU5SNXd6Zi93VXNUeGNIaUMxVVlwdS9UTWY2WUVRS05vSnU2RWtHeVNBemhXN1BDRUMvdUVTbkQ2QTFiR29WYi83N2hMcWZnWUhwVkRlaTV2VzhMQ28yUXZMTlBROTVJWk4wSWtrTUJPcXYrNGFvN25JM09zTUV6K3JCTmNZdG5xT1d5TDUyaDVlVkI0WlluTTBhVVF6a2Y3a3c9PQ%3D%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(8955d1887800eedd074a8c98128ca2ae).jpg)
“I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, ‘How flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t make it on Mondays.'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteDJhemJud1hsa1JjY0tuUW56QkR1UDl0Y2x1eW9PNFVnQ1ZTREhXanJhU1QrTzRocUpiWS9sTmpCYkkzUWxJcGRuenRsdlUyYXlpMUpLM0k2MlIwbnQ%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(cb04f8ff2e81139e65f8aba24e855f45).jpg)
“I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAveXA2eUJlWGoxMVRuV2w4cWpva3Y1cGhXdElBcWtzSy9jY2xudlBlQ0dQdERDSW1CT2NDMjhyZkJKRlhqNzJDbnpiNWU3QU5xMlQ0a0lxcTgrckJrVWtxSEpuaVljNkJQZUJhVzZ0QkhwSVl3PT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(32b06a7884c1c1bc008678207bbb64c9).jpg)
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore? Because they make up everything!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkphZWxiSUVyWlpBOUVTUSswejl4bXQ1eUg2SC9NdExDb3NMcVZoRE1WN1ZaMmlWQ1BNR1BiQm5aOXJ0TEdTWXdOWXlnQkRRMTRuNFJSc2hmKy9VdXU%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(96c71cadea9c7ee7d1c386a18f869a61).jpg)
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUp6SWlDQ21oZWlVekt4K3hJMTM3cjBjdVJyNHBjeXVlc1JlN1hWaTgzWmpBdWtDcHE0NUxtTzRNUnhmSmdOK3B4alExRmF1ZUF4RFBkOHJGQ1V5cjVSa0dHR1d1SjZPR05XY1pYSGw0ZmE%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(0762170e152d6baf0753a83805270acf).jpg)
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFeHVIelJ4blF3K1hQbkNtcmcxeWlWMzByNlRnZXU1by8vbjVMYkJ5Vko5aEtrM2orcEFKbkNYNG1RZ3Y1UE44WTJJWTBsbGdqV2ZzUTRkWTkyekg2L0ZOenhJa2pTMCtadHArY3dSWCs1WXN3PT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(3cec5bfecac1de65c4d8eb4ec8ce960a).jpg)
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWnM2dkJoUThLTUlRbTRqNnRQMm5QRXZJNUFnUS93d2taWHhmd0hIU0FsVGVsRVpMYXdWdmEyY3prc051cVRMWDhHYzNyYkZrVmg0Z1U3dGY0bmZONkJSS24rZFdoWTB0bzBsdEdEWVZUN2J3aGV0ekc1YmpORXprNXBhSTBmR2FValJXb2EzbFAxTGpkTFpXOFZ1OHJpZ3dFOVNxQW5tMUMvcTY0Z2o3SWFpNk9jZUNWM0x1YURVQndKYUxIZU5TUT09/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e610fb7a8b677c84bc707c4d85029386).jpg)
“Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkpidit0UmdVS0VSalh1V0pFb1pBU2QrYUFKak95TmRtdnR1R2ZRbWVWRmJNV2hlYmhJU294LzQ2d3JJWnlueWxGTkZTMFVWWjNSRU02TlpTclNhNXY3dmxsTGZXcU1uTkw0RzRRR04ra0s%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(7d201d101e4a01104f6dbe0697e97da9).jpg)
“I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteE5ScjNva3dTWVE4ZHVXVWorN3RTQ3ZuUVl2ZUdyTTZaWmRKeUdyT1ExN0FLazBIUThQNEk0QkVLdDR1ZVJ4Mk1RYzJFdGpNYWJXNEdCcENUb2pFSWk%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(141793095aabe700dba211f76895fad1).jpg)
“I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAvemR4STlHd1ROWFhHb1ExNmlDcDdnNnRSTTN6WlVRYy9iUjQ0SEdqMzBLMmxIN21LNFE0T2kvVmZmeFJWWUxPWTNKejlUTVJqVFROQmlTUk5OWkgyTnQzdU1BbEltTlZnem1hL1g1UlJpNkNBPT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e04d40ca85122150f51ac9852bb0a088).jpg)
“Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU0hJUU1qM08wbEJyQlg3R3k4MWlQY0VIRTlOeGRoTWpaR2V3aFlickhNekY1Y3RPVlE0U3p1eWhGejJBMVJveGg5MzJwTmt3RWZ0amFna3pOc1RnUk1VS2ZzSncwNHpUUDhoRlFjUlZYVWp3d3NnMjdpS3g1SVdGSEdTWVRxS0tBPT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(4c97e08d269d9d7dbfb1ca7a4af58273).jpg)
“A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory.” FAMOUS QUOTES BY MARIE ANTOINETTE
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRsSmdicVhEWHF6UDlJY2tUNkw5N0s3bFpwbFpIMEErTm5XK04wbXoxYSs4RURMbFowK3NHRWNxaUhVRDExNGdGbjQwUGlER3o3c3hGSlMyZG9ockE2NHR3Si9tYTVUT2I0ZUtvVEttMlh6TzNvVTgxdXVTYjFJeHpZMkFEZW9iVGs2TXpVcUJkSHlXSVlVNjQ3b2x3PQ%3D%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(50e816934d4202a7710980d9dd0b7071).jpg)
“I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it – it was a shitzu.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAveXA2eUJlWGoxMVRuV2w4cWpva3Y1cGhKYTkzd3BXL3g1TTVCcG04U0VLNlVVa01vaUthNGNjZ1A5SjZNbXR5UFBUVlo1dEltNnQwdGJUd2kvNTVIVUg3S0huVUdOTEdtMzNoU0RCSzluR2FRPT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e5794edf280bcf872ebd0143af2dd27e).jpg)
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZU1SLzU4NE1hUHptMG5waU94L3FsL2d4NmVkeUNFWG5xVzBDT1VKWW0wS3k4alBhVU1nNkc2VnlncWFDV0xEVWF4T0VnV2RYSHdMc3o2cWl3Zk55TGlGNy9ycHRieFJ0M1BMOHlJaDA5YW5kN0Zpc3FBa0hnNnlIT3o0UCtndlF3PT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(732922b588d25b4791783b7e7bdbe514).jpg)
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore? Because they make up everything!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUU03R3E2MFpDekY4TnI1Nkg2N1JrQUNBekhkcHE4MURBQ04vdXhuNFBnV25HU1hmbXRIQlJiMXlWNnJDT1JHQnMrNGlud2E0U0dBa2FDSG9vR0lhM2I4akwzaEdJdnRkdldLOWdHd29WdjJaUGVON05Yc2xTMVZteVVHSFNlY3B3PT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(7562bf565db82b580bafe4476767f8f7).jpg)
“I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We still haven’t gotten a gig.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVEl4U1ZwT3lsT1RmZmoyMzFtcGNZVWZTaXhSUkcwc2FJVDZ2aEJHOEd0ZTJJRTZRODFsd29FUUFwRyt5cUNqZ3ZUeFhheTIrM2l1SWIvNFRsZlBNRjQ3NElwcEp6OUM5S1ZDSHAwQ084OHFLY29ncWIzSmJicDExR1ZWVFZQMDB0ajROVzljeTUrVndMZkF2NkdaYWJYY0ZtYWdjZCt2bnU4TXRVODE0MFdG/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(7e0837a4df8c61cb2855ad56fe105cc7).jpg)
“I always wanted to be a comedian, but I figured I didn’t have the balls for it. So here I am, haha!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRTblU1OUpvbUpoSTFnUEo5NEgrNmlIelpYTXlBWE1JRjFiS1dWb1dHOURhYW40dXRXS1pvQWdqQ0lSOXZuYXBTaUk5bE82M3ZpRm9QeHcyY0lGSHY1aS9FUVZzMzl1TlRXVHBLZkVka3A%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(cf10c740a1877d31c13e23b123db92c1).jpg)
“Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZG1jek8wTUo2V2dnK1Yzd3RDMjArck9naE8vZHZvdUh1T0prWWlZaEhaKzJNdkNJeGl6YzQxZTdWa3lybGdPT1hDZkgxY2VtKzl0NmV0ekJNSmNpb05uUUZac2xiSlZtUkg5WkVxMVM2UUIwb1ptYTZuaG8zNWQ4ZkRlbTc1NHV3PT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(dff5a2330d37f485e34113b4985f089f).jpg)
“Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home? It lost its bearings.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlA5UFp3aWc3QWVFZHdrQUxqY2hzNnV1QjRuOWRKMVpxNkxob0lWWGFXMmhkSTZ4aXpFcGo1aTh6cThZSkFyZ0VhSjErd0NCRlloeEM2Q1lJUXkxRGQzSWtXK0hWdTlxT2tjMDZRSkh5WUVjRStyZnRaOEtSVGtFcFJhZ3lISnJGYUhlT1VmRldGaWthYmsvRDNRQlZmUVVEb0pXUXlOcXNkeHcwaFJGYjN1dz09/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(09a7eba316d7abf194721a22feb5cdc8).jpg)
“I’m not saying I’m clueless, but I once tried to microwave a TV dinner without taking it out of the box.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWWU2VFFPaFYxOXVlMjZLK1ZSN0UvYk9wY2thUjM4dldZRzhrZGYyUnB4NEZyMXh6N1dYcGFUN1BSYlZ4TDJ1WVY3eW50UFk4TE8xeTFpZklqSjB5ckR3QzFTM1VaTW1SVUY4TkZIT3dPdTJhaTd6V2c4MmRMUWxYbnhQbzZSWjVnPT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(7432761d5d9009035b1c41164bbe78db).jpg)
“I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAveXA2eUJlWGoxMVRuV2w4cWpva3Y1cGhKYTkzd3BXL3g1TTVCcG04U0VLNlVVa01vaUthNGNjZ1A5SjZNbXR5UFBUVlo1dEltNnQwdGJUd2kvNTVIVUg3S0huVUdOTEdtMzNoU0RCSzluR2FRPT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e5794edf280bcf872ebd0143af2dd27e).jpg)
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRTblU1OUpvbUpoSTFnUEo5NEgrNlMzazlCWFJnanhRajlKK3FyTkNjdndZaExyWnVoSHRSNkZxMmNsRmlEeWNUU2Y0aTFYdW81Nk1reUVxYUpqSkxaTUltcDFmbTVLOFNCSWN5U3hPSUNJK0hkbzhMQzhXK2JuRTRhZWZCSEV3PT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e548d95f21dd90d83f7893a403ff3ad0).jpg)
“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWEJEWDRDQTQzanY5ZGdIK1ByN2NqdkR5RGQ3Q0RqelM5cmNGRFdkRWZVQjA2UW1mbWxocjFXcHhQUmkzQy9oTXpPcUZQV2NCcGtaOWNLVWlxeExVbXY5S2drQStmUlZnTENyaEc1WE5LMjY%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(b9bd74ee05ef34629aee5bd14667bbe3).jpg)
“Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZU1SLzU4NE1hUHptMG5waU94L3FsK3BNczVCUUFHT3BuaEhKTUJLNEY5YnNIUjgrdDJHMVE5QU9mYjJUanhrT2sxQ0FkakZPTjhZalpRS3BRdmhPNzdLN213RDgyNEd1bm1BR1lPNiszNnV4K3haTmx3RS9rVlIya2Vsc1BqcWxnPT0%3D/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(1e7871ea7ea98e5413925a47da60d7c7).jpg)
“Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYkdSUEFhWDhuV2Y2VWwycklvWXBrQjFLUURnYXlBUUg2OUZOMklpTkMxMnNMb0NpdVdsbTAyV1ovbzVMS3BiTFRzQm4rdzhXejdhUEYwc0x5c0NhOFU9/BE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(1409bcb66995620c913a53aa947a6712).jpg)
“I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.”