BEST COMEBACK QUOTES

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.”

“If I wanted a comeback, I’d wipe it off your chin.”

“Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to use the bathroom.”

“I would explain it to you, but I have neither the time nor the inclination to do so.”

“If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.”

“Don’t mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness.”

“You must be a pro at this. Every time I think I’ve met the most annoying person, you always prove me wrong.”

“If sarcasm was a superpower, you’d be a supervillain.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was speaking to the world’s foremost authority on everything.”

“I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.”

“You’re right, I’m not perfect. But neither are you, and that’s why we make such a great pair.”

“It’s impressive how you manage to make everything about you. It’s a skill, really.”

“If your personality was as strong as your perfume, we might actually get along.”

“Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you had enough oxygen going to your brain?” PROMISE DAY QUOTES FOR WIFE

“The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.”

“You’re like a breath of fresh air… for someone with bad taste.”

“I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.”

“You’re entitled to your wrong opinion.”

“You’re so full of sh*t, the toilet is jealous.”

“I may not be a genius, but at least I’m not as braindead as you.”

“Do you ever wonder if people talk about you behind your back because they feel sorry for you?”

“Your face is the best argument against plastic surgery.”

“I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.”

“If I had a dollar for every time you said something stupid, I’d be significantly wealthier.”

“You should wear a warning label saying ‘highly toxic and irritating’.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”

“You’re like a corner piece of a puzzle – incredibly frustrating and useless.”