BEST FUNNY ONE LINER QUOTES

“I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.”

“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”

“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

“I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”

“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”

“Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.”

“I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, ‘How flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t make it on Mondays.'”

“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”

“I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”

“Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!”

“The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.”

“I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.”

“I’m trying to lose weight but it’s just not working. I think my body is resisting a personality change.”

“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!”

“I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.” KINDNESS IS BEAUTY QUOTES

“I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.”

“I saw a sign that said ‘Watch for children’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.'”

“I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a Chapstick. She’s still not talking to me.”

“I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you!'”

“I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.”

“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”

“When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”

“Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!”

“I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what they were laced with, but I’ve been tripping all day!”

“I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.”

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”

“I’m friends with every battery I’ve ever met. They are all positive.”

“I couldn’t figure out how a seatbelt worked. Then it just clicked.”

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”