BEST RANDY MARSH QUOTES

“Stan, you don’t know what it’s like. I’m tryin’ to lose my mind, but everybody keeps telling me to enjoy my life. Enjoy my life? I don’t even have a remote control!”

“Drugs are bad, mkay?”

“I thought this was America! Huh? Isn’t this America? I’m sorry, I thought this was America!”

“Okay, fine, I’ll take a Whopper. But you know what? I won’t enjoy it!”

“I’m sorry, I thought this was a free country! I thought this was America!”

“Musical theater? That’s where fags go to watch other fags… be fags.”

“I’m not just sure, I’m HIV positive!”

“Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards!”

“I’m sorry, Wendy, but I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.”

“What’s the matter with you people? You’re sheep! You’re sheep! All of you! You’re sheep!”

“I am Lorde, ya ya ya.”

“It’s gonna be SICK!” QUOTES FOR SOMEONE IN JAIL

“I am the voice of reason and I demand a virgin daiquiri!”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t trust something that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die.”

“Margarine has no taste. It’s creamy, but it’s fucking tasteless!”

“I’m gonna need a bigger penis pump.”

“Back in my day, people believed in shit, goddamn it! They may have believed in dumb shit, but they believed!”

“I don’t wash my hands… because I’m not a girl.”

“I didn’t raise my little girl to be a boy.”

“I wanna get high like a kite, officer.”

“It’s called a sense of humor. You should get one, they’re nice.”

“Hmmm, if I poop in there, people will think a giant turd did it!”

“You poop out of your mouth too, Mr President. Don’t you remember?”