CALENDAR QUOTES FUNNY

“I love deadlines. I love the swooshing noise they make as they go by.” – Douglas Adams

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown

“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

“My cooking is fabulous. Even the smoke alarm is cheering me on.” – Unknown

“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper

“I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist. I always wake up with a new hairstyle.” – Unknown

“I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.” – Unknown

“Never trust atoms. They make up everything!” – Unknown

“Cinderella would be a lot more relatable if she snuck out to go to a Taco Bell instead of a ball.” – Unknown

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown

“I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.” – Unknown

“If there’s no chocolate in heaven, I’m not going.” – Jane Seabrook

“I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.” – Unknown CAN ONLY RELY ON YOURSELF QUOTES

“I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.” – Unknown

“I’m not a morning person. I’m a ‘I can’t wait for tomorrow to be over’ kind of person.” – Unknown

“The four food groups: fast, frozen, junk, and instant.” – Eddie Vedder

“I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesomeness.” – Unknown

“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown

“I’m not sleeping, I’m just resting my eyes.” – Unknown

“If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.” – Unknown

“I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.” – Unknown

“I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks.” – Unknown

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” – Unknown

“I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.” – Unknown

“I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.” – Unknown

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown