CHRISTMAS VACATION CLARK RANT QUOTE

Here are 20 quotes from Clark’s rant in Christmas Vacation:

“We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye!”

“I want to look him straight in the eye and tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d***less, hopeless, heartless, fat-a**, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s*** he is!”

“I’m here to tell you, that you can stick it up your a**, and I’m going to take my business to Kmart!”

“By the time this company kicks in something resembling a Christmas bonus, I’ll be long gone!”

“I have to have a Christmas bonus. It’s my only hope!”

“If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head.”

“If he falls down, it’s an accident. But if I fall down, that’s your negligence.”

“If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.”

“I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn’t you know it, the Army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn’t big enough!”

“I’m just f*ying. I wouldn’t be more surprised if I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet.” HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOM IN HEAVEN QUOTES

“We’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye!”

“And when Santa squeezes his fat white a** down that chimney tonight, he’s going to find the jolliest bunch of a**holes this side of the nuthouse!”

“Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here.”

“Merry Christmas! Holy s***! Where’s the Tylenol?”

“When Santa squeezes his fat white a**, down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of a**holes this side of the nut house.”

“Hallelujah! Holy s***! Where’s the Tylenol?”

“In the words of my generation: Up yours!”

“Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together.”

“We’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye!”

“All my life, I’ve wondered something, and now it just hit me: I realized I’ve got the perfect family… I don’t deserve this!”