DOUGAL FATHER TED QUOTES

“That would be an ecumenical matter.” – Father Ted

“I don’t drink anymore, Father. I gave it up for Lent.” – Dougal

“This is small… far away.” – Father Dougal

“I’m not a fascist. I’m a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do, whereas priests … more drink!” – Father Jack

“Ah, go on, Ted. Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on!” – Dougal

“Jumping Jesus, that was close!” – Father Jack

“You really know your sheep.” – Ted

“Sure, I can stay up all night, popping bubbles.” – Dougal

“Well, I’m off to bed, Ted. I need my teddy, and I need it now!” – Dougal

“That money was just resting in my account!” – Father Ted

“Ah, the Chinese. A great bunch of lads.” – Father Jack

“I shot a Bishop. My father beat me for hours when he found out.” – Father Jack

“I love my brick!” – Dougal

“If I didn’t have my memories, I wouldn’t remember where I left them.” – Father Jack

“These are small… but the ones out there are far away.” – Dougal OPRAH WINFREY QUOTES ON HAPPINESS

“Have a heart, Father. Don’t you remember what it was like when you were young and a priest asked you to drink a pint?” – Dougal

“Drink! Feck! Girls!” – Father Jack

“Ted, I’ve heard all about these cults. Everyone just sitting around in a circle, making rubbish statues out of raffia.” – Dougal

“I’m off to the pub.” – Father Jack

“I bet she drinks Carlsberg.” – Ted

“It’s not that I’m afraid of dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Father Jack

“Those women were asking for it, Ted. It’s their own fault for standing there like that.” – Dougal

“I didn’t do it, Ted. It’s a set-up. A conspiracy. It’s not fair! I wanted to live! I’ve… I’ve still got things to do with my life.” – Father Jack

“Yes, I may be drunk, Miss. But in the morning, I will be sober. And you will still be ugly.” – Father Jack

“That’s women for you, Father. Vicious, ehhh- vicious creatures. You can’t trust them. I’ve been saying it for years.” – Dougal

“God, I hate these people!” – Ted

“Well, if it’s a war they want, it’s a war they’ll get!” – Father Jack

“I’m not a fascist. I’m a priest. It’s slightly different.” – Father Ted