![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUThla0x2SnhlSkh6VGxMWFpHRW9ac3VwdkEyUXlzYlphNnVxc1hBeWRyMDZYbllYcmJoMWs4SlRZOVZjNkl0czRrek81MktDMlpYUDdpNWR5eEhQWitSWmprb3hVeUVEYjhvdlcwRURuR3c%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(2002226d87f6cd2f9fa9145e495d91de).jpg)
“That would be an ecumenical matter.” – Father Ted
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aEFzVVBCKzNnMXlCL2lOT1RBamE4Nmc5L1pwQmR5L25FcW5ZUGhBWDRWai9lSkRSRlhFRXA0U2w1dHNmOWpoSFh4V3NUVnA0TGM1cTQrVk1nMTJEWnVWUk1RS2RRWU52bDBqY0lrUU96emtRPT0%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(aae911d0d0e828f632d3be575f6f462d).jpg)
“I don’t drink anymore, Father. I gave it up for Lent.” – Dougal
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYTBXMHJ5TldnT1dTNmxoNldkd3lBSnVUYWprUGhwQmNNZ3ZQaUhWODg2UGZpNk5ZQmlGK0pVcXg0NGhHeWRWQmorSUVoWDZyVDVtSWVjbzBRQ2s1NGNzUnZCR3gzTkM4eGtKeTczOWc5NFU%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(13e4f912b1cdb7db8fbe8c812762b49a).jpg)
“This is small… far away.” – Father Dougal
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkNZRW1XQXRCY3B5QXZQVDdBL29KZ3htb0JLbktGc1prM20zL05VeG9ONjJnOXZuZTV6ZlJNTHNwblFpR1lyZUJ3RlVkZlhJOURJUEdXUnR2YWg2YTU0MG9BdngxL0wxb1NLMzlGVHk5TWg0OGRZVHdaVjZUUmN0RU04OUJyb2E2eTE5VzB5RFZPTWxYa1RHR2NWZzZoRGdON0tmeEhtTjd0a0F4eE1BM3l5T1NzdDh5YnM0WTFLa0RHSVFDd0Y3Y3Z6SkUyLzdEZ3hHQVU5WUQrakdtSA%3D%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(b6d54da2668a3c66ccd6589adacdef36).jpg)
“I’m not a fascist. I’m a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do, whereas priests … more drink!” – Father Jack
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVTlSUTJRTkRGMDA2THhlOWlTZUxYeDlRbFllaGlJeGNvUzRMdFMxbHBEVnZmenVhazdnVTJUWTd5UElSaXRncCtvUiswSmpMWDFYWGgrUk9UUEc5NDZuaS82SndZQkdQeUE4R3FDU1JwWS9ldEpWcnU0QlJBRE04czAxYjlZcE11di9YamNkeFpiMzFMRG5jL0QzYXlBPQ%3D%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(36e035e731537d6c85082b30325c875d).jpg)
“Ah, go on, Ted. Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on!” – Dougal
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUzUzck9Xa1hCUXNxeXlVaVdxVWJyc2VPcTQ5RmtJbzh5K2tpekJhQzZkT29RUStyOGtOcUxRR1VabVc3a0tmRXJVT0p1QzhmMGRiSk1TRkZpN2ZqbXhRMSszWlVlYnE3WlVBZG9OZUZaV2k%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(624c48e3ab9a6cb43957848b0112334c).jpg)
“Jumping Jesus, that was close!” – Father Jack
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV0gwV0hyWnhnS0JMVnpYRm94bWhXT3lnbi9QOFpwZC9WMmNOZWtSU0FHdThzTWpXL0xJZjhnZXhjc3FkdHhpMHNmMHE3TWg1Mjd4UTB1bVVOSDc3Yms9/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(1e5948cc6118b535a6e7bb0110097a33).jpg)
“You really know your sheep.” – Ted
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZlF1TmJlN1ZhQ0pRTC96clNyRHBCSVdqRWZLUXJLMzdsY0hKYlBhKzZ2UExmZDM3MVlMSEw1dVl0d0hxWXYvTC8rZVlFUmtaRjNZbTUzZkhCelNpVDgwTWdNZ2NzQ3RKeVJ4Y25PRVZCcm0%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(2efc9291f792c116ddd89a1fab488c2e).jpg)
“Sure, I can stay up all night, popping bubbles.” – Dougal
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU09XdTNMQ0hqVkRJVXFlREdEZTVKTGJncGZnS1BkTm5zYjluUDl4ZzBmRXFaNXI0eUhQcjFYRkdvNklKK21KbTFYeFVQbkpSUWd1NXdBcXF3WC9ablJwZnFaTHV5d2x0Z0tPSmxtcFpMUVRHRm11UG9HemZ5alFMYnBJMEtyZ1F3PT0%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(9f3458d52dafc7bd23b6a392d5b9b3ce).jpg)
“Well, I’m off to bed, Ted. I need my teddy, and I need it now!” – Dougal
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2dsOU1HSjFsUTcxd2VWSC9CQlpjbUMxVG9uTkJJR243azdEejRETEZqQ3Y1UFNQNVBXYk5aQVBiZ3BiNnJMaDkzZVR3VWQ5dTNKa2REVk5UNzJJY3g3WUs3dFR1RDgyOEFmQ2hYVkE4bCs%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(30b69b2e51e94a188dcf60b478674791).jpg)
“That money was just resting in my account!” – Father Ted
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY01Ya2N5aE1oUjVweWNwRGhvTWZvY0ppWG1Ub01mRVowVVQ1aW5RN3ZBV2FWbjNObnpUYjZkSnpvY3grWjFETjFVSCtjTXYvRDFwWWdYN2wwbldTZnRYemlrRFhzMm54WitWNDNuUjlTUDg%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(4904d05f3b0a283d6b3499b95e914015).jpg)
“Ah, the Chinese. A great bunch of lads.” – Father Jack
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkFLejB3TVMwTHR1YkdlWnR0TUxGOHdHZUtWckl5RVNBaHp5SlpJckNuRGowSzBNWlhHWFRnbzVUWWdpZStuZW83VlZMYlIwdWtoblc2ZXp4aXE5UjFWaS8wbzJ6dXFkRkNoYWZJVm50M3M0RzY4R2Q5dDBvdXBoQjBZVHl2a2diTVl6cENOQXR6Y3NiQUk1NWJkNWZ3PQ%3D%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(ed15436f5d9c198a8d6ea7c36269d067).jpg)
“I shot a Bishop. My father beat me for hours when he found out.” – Father Jack
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUjVrR1FUWUhIWXlncDFwaWlROWxUWFlEK3JNWitWNk9hQUZnWXVpMUZEQVB4S213ZHhTMC93UFJPSVBXZkF0UXc9PQ%3D%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(457549780ca9ccee522feb0c8f463f3c).jpg)
“I love my brick!” – Dougal
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWDYvZnl6Tm5GemUvc1FsczNENkNMTWtpeFh2TThOSktKdkhybm9MdlBEc3VWOUlDZ1IwNm9LK0tkUmNZa3pyNk5UREhnOVFoWGxQTFBmZ1hObzRvY3pZdDk4S09Qa1hDTFpQRjBXeHFnWmtmV0tvKy93QktUTFpyQ2lDelk0OTM0SkMvL2x6SVQ4eUtwdEdGMUVFS2FvcERYbjNQSUZIdUU4Z3JSU3BIM3My/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(633f8eba7299555c9c35ba96f83aa3a7).jpg)
“If I didn’t have my memories, I wouldn’t remember where I left them.” – Father Jack
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUXFtVngrZ3dDSDJhbDBHWnVSdi9oeU9UMVRYR1VHejh1dkRORXdyN1lBaXRySXo0UkFDV1ZqQU5TUFlrbnQ1bUp5aXY0UFlwck1tQ0o5eklIa2c2RDdNS0FkSzNiRDJNVTdOYktKdGJiamRQcFhsbjJUQk5tUExONm12cnpML2lVN1Q4K1VPMmFsZmFGaGZOYi9jRzBFOFRzV2hPMXBPWFVqK0k4V0NuWGRQ/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(35c451a0edacecfc53aed1477102792c).jpg)
“These are small… but the ones out there are far away.” – Dougal OPRAH WINFREY QUOTES ON HAPPINESS
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY3czVEFhYkE0N200Z0RVSDU3Z3d4MlYybEl5TlF4U0EzVTVtRkgyc1dRZm9vaVY5dmM5UFNSTW1QTXJIaGs0TUQ1ajRCK3RoRkRmNzYwSktXMVpFdEoxNkZzRVRDcXRvbEJZYlZRWU1Mb3JUSWg0UEQ1RG1uUnhwbmpzbTZqVkJvOUNCTXhtYitqa3JxR0ZEQzdmVEwwaWJpMTZpWmU1OEhBRy9aOFNyNGt0TzVkbytXY2E1WWFubnRqaEZqMUFZWU4xbitMZUxKbmZIT1dLeDBjVVhVdz0%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(bcf4c3de948d4f42df229b5f3f4b6626).jpg)
“Have a heart, Father. Don’t you remember what it was like when you were young and a priest asked you to drink a pint?” – Dougal
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUjZ3U1ZOdGpsQ3o1cUhSRVRURzdmQlh0bGpzUk5rWXBSZ1MwU1JxUnJMOWVlYWRXcW5hbzdNVlVUUUlPd3YwS2E3dVMzME5lQzhaMC9Ga3lHOXhQbVE9/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(3e0b275afb0fbaac72fe72cf39eb37cd).jpg)
“Drink! Feck! Girls!” – Father Jack
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVHNZRzB3d29uMCtaaFhITVdPWWdEVEZ4TXVZcXNHM1FnNTRGQXZkWjdqNWZyMEZhdnczV0N1VHkyWllTczJPZTR3aU8rbVVsV250TW1HM25QbVcvQ1Z5ZGhvUld3Q09Xa3puMmJCZFVidG1mVmV4WCtKaHRVRW5OVlM5S01rMFh2dXQ3ekNFMTFoUmdFRURvbnk4WGdoZVcxbVZ6cHNGYU93UUxFdDhpU1BsQitlZHBFejlja2t1ZnRMWUtxRWZwUUtXNDBrNW5EOG5lL1paUGp2c0N6QT0%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(a481dd8e5175ff191c35f00a1f3b2dfa).jpg)
“Ted, I’ve heard all about these cults. Everyone just sitting around in a circle, making rubbish statues out of raffia.” – Dougal
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZG9uL2VqeGc0Q0hDV2VmTjBSeHZBRHN3VlM0ZXJFc05YRCtLaHpSM3NzZlBiak5JR2pJWG13RFpSWnFZTUg4V2s9/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(fc52e5411adff679ef586881f457ed41).jpg)
“I’m off to the pub.” – Father Jack
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWDZWMDZSU2EvU0dkR0dkdGFPcDQ5MVpPdEJJUG01K1hzeTl6YzZlOGNyOXdHdUwydFAzZmNNTFZrOTJ4R0FJRWJCQXU1R2VoUmRBTlVtcU9qZjFvMFE9/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(e56c996e693a2c8025141272b941b659).jpg)
“I bet she drinks Carlsberg.” – Ted
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVTNmY0VseGt2cUk5S1FMK3JzaWwrVXpSSmJpdDFCRVU0NStvaklOc2dRK2wvVkJ3ZDY4SnFzRWZHQ0hNTHBiRWRKZGs4eVkweXQ1RFJ5U0dOR2xiZ1Z6SXpUSm9Dc2xFYnZjVmUzeWRiSnhxVHF0NEMvOWExQU9EcWc4djVaNFBLTTFhWTNLenlJSGpJU0VEdFZLUTRicGFqSDNKclZ0cnRjOEdkVHJBek5mZVNsbnBmb2ZaZG1Zdjg2d3ZqcTRQdz09/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(0d7f11f042040d0d37d94aac274a50bd).jpg)
“It’s not that I’m afraid of dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Father Jack
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZFRJY3Y3ckNtQ2xUenlvTHgwbnhnWXdIczlZUGtyZGlrUHdXb2k1Tjg3eEVqMVY2NUtiWERjOFpCbERidWE3SWdTWDc4dG1DTXpMeE11TCtUdnpVOW1yT2ZHR1dTN0IycTVoNndRU1h0NHFVcFR1RWFGYXB5eFJxYzgyMmJsR3h6WlNhbS9EOXY0NEVTZXRIaWJVdUF2RW00cXJBS1FVRFdoRFdVOGlnMVds/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(18d0427b723386872f61f88a006e6fb8).jpg)
“Those women were asking for it, Ted. It’s their own fault for standing there like that.” – Dougal
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY3NueGQ2WjEzbnNla3JtTER6YzNweTJ1K3IvZWs2UEQwalNZTU8rR0RqL0Y4TER5SDlzTVF3WnBqcjV4NzJYWm9iaGRUd0k4dHptWFFTQTAwUEtUeWNpYUh3VUthNEE2bnRJNHpnMGJYdTc3L2FjMUkrOTJyN2w0Tkpwck9TUXQ5RzQ4azQ5bnpMdW4yalZNK08zcE5oQUdsVGRaZHZnaVZYOWdETEVMTkhlemltL2E3bytNSnhDaUltVkg1WC9MbXRtWDJ0QTk5NEFEM2VtRmlUcFJYOGRRcC9lYkxNd1Y0Q29TUWlGc1E3MGg4L2ZJZk9NdFVMekJTRDZleFBscGdlSkhGTEd0WmdpSEd6TnNyZ1Zndkk9/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(7a77ff1f9f73ebb818c43abac338b9d4).jpg)
“I didn’t do it, Ted. It’s a set-up. A conspiracy. It’s not fair! I wanted to live! I’ve… I’ve still got things to do with my life.” – Father Jack
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV1RTRUtSYjVlMWNVdHBndGduc0JTRk03TFpHS2NuS3pmaVVYd01yTHdUK3NDUk9pbWJrcUkrcWU4VDE4eDMwSUFLQ28vZExFTWFrM2MzZkF4SjcyZDcyTnF3aXArN2JhNm9vWUlTTDlYZElmSVdtUjZaSVdadDRYMWJ6Q3krRG96aStOOW5MSEMwL2ErcloxYk5rMy9EdWlTNHZFZ0FWcTBTL0NqOERyREth/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(b5370d0a6436fbcc848074faaee41845).jpg)
“Yes, I may be drunk, Miss. But in the morning, I will be sober. And you will still be ugly.” – Father Jack
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWllJaWw0VjVINXJKdmFNVG1nNlVpZzBQRk5xRFg2cE83NE5zeVJPa2IxM0ZpV0Y1aFR6bVlFbUZzTVhiZ2liOFF0YWVZNFRESjcvMU5kOUhuVGlBZlJlRzRaQTYzRjVCL0dKWXR6WDJWS1A2WlBOSlBpREJOelZSSlR4bTFEbU56OTBJRDYxZ3FEN1MydXZJaUo0ek1qYVp2ZDB5YjFnazcrVC9YeHJDZ0hkL2VpUk14QnJtWUhNVnIxVmZHTG4wUWJ1WWVuNjhDdXgwcGNwNGxMUjlhK1hkOFlsakp1MG01bmZVRGpYeXkvag%3D%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(7279c58a82b456d8580550b91e3a8e03).jpg)
“That’s women for you, Father. Vicious, ehhh- vicious creatures. You can’t trust them. I’ve been saying it for years.” – Dougal
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYXZGVEJSNGsxRDExS2F3akMzMGJqODhPSlpQOG5tZUEzS3ZxMFp2Vk42RXZXWVJzbklZVk5Edk1kQ0EyRHFjSnJ4TTl6a3g1SVIvcnFwWUpXc2NBbG89/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(660daa3c98addf070938242293520e7d).jpg)
“God, I hate these people!” – Ted
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVE12eGxCTlFlMlRkWFJiS2tCaVZ5MFVrMDBhTUQzQzUzdzdLYzJod1dlQkcybytLdCtJZitWbCtaOEZ2bTBKNHM2dE9zbzJZaXMzSmpjT1hyMWlMTjN4eDhBVFZvT3FTbXlIbFdwaitqbU9Oa3Ewc3doY1d3bzRsd0hxOFMxOEYyb2NVSlRSS1JaTEF0dG9NaGE5SlhVPQ%3D%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(f364d1fd7494c28f72e528333a832afd).jpg)
“Well, if it’s a war they want, it’s a war they’ll get!” – Father Jack
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkNZRW1XQXRCY3B5QXZQVDdBL29KZ3htb0JLbktGc1prM20zL05VeG9ONjNQbmc0dVYyWHdSSGtnRENaSU1WaW5mTER3REVvUXgzRE9VUGwxQXo2OWR4SE83NXlqdkpmMkNzM0J6YUVYYzFaeGVFSVM3cUYza2tLMEhpL0Vzckt3PQ%3D%3D/DOUGAL+FATHER+TED+QUOTES/(f2d9eed83ccb8650e1846b086845fa4f).jpg)
“I’m not a fascist. I’m a priest. It’s slightly different.” – Father Ted