![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWksvdEVVV0JkVjhuT0cxaExFSXZYV3haVU94Yy85anNHWnQxNkRFcTNUbW5aQ1RVZTErcU9zVDFyU3FJeEhHSS9aTTl4M0IxbmhRNEs0S0dmaVd3UkcxZk5Lc0lJQzZ1NkVBSnBMMWdIa0F2TVVLNGNjTkU0SEphd2lmTmhsYkFqZ0RvL1RrQVdzVVNXS1JhR2hMK0plU1k1cFFWY0tRZmlsQ3d4Qk5YN3JQTHdrQ2VndHVmN0Z1eGNUSmFFMXBxdz09/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(ddda2418340af3d635e8f2702a6bb3ee).jpg)
“Rational arguments don’t usually work on religious people. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be religious people.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUjhINThUbmxNTk9ucDFQeUxsZm9uakZOcEtwMVNKZTFyamNFVURKMWIwekhxcXZHSlkxbXBURFFadUFLZjdac1h5U2FNVXVDclJNbGJrYzVPV25oZXVOTmc4NGZBNUNkRHcvR2lUdW1hbFV1SHdpNC84R2Q4SHl1YlhJdVBzdE9RPT0%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(88efcebc489cd2863ffdaf4aa6a4d80a).jpg)
“If you’re dying and wanna see your mom, phone, not telepathy.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUU54c2Irb2F4U0hHOXlyV0M4dXgyZTF2cTkzaDdUS29tSmdPeFdCbXNEbWlSdE94dWI0S0hxQ3VjSUdyR3gyTEtXWjlxUWxXWmFCQ3lkMWJGYzlEN1dBQmprNTJQKzFLUzA0dm43TlVIZDE%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(8647d2a678f61ae891652a0a1290b96a).jpg)
“Never trust a doctor who puts his name on the side of his car.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU0tHaFU1RHdQbS9YelJNZzdIVWtPRnBsRlVOejZiWTArakRGcG9IeGV0RnZEdlNXSzVkRHVCcEJMZHJpZlVSanpOQzV0NlVldzlSbE1sVzBsVEVGc3k1SmZJRkRzU0xYck4zZEFPRFVkSEV4TlZKbS9SckpQUFNEWWR2ZEV5NkZvVWFmTUJWTW9jRWJHS1JkZmpTQW5aTVoyRTVZRGdWQjlwS2xXeThpM2Yx/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(fec272fb797481a1f79b4f5695b3521d).jpg)
“Treating illness is why we became doctors. Treating patients is actually what makes most doctors miserable.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVNPcjRoWDZxek12OFcwcFFpaU5EUWlucVJ4dDJhMUZKcjhLenNMZi90dDMwVGZjVnhQWEp5SENGL3V6SlFxNGhyY2xocnZidDh5T3RhWEhqOW1vbWxXbHFaSDhHZW9TWUJxYks4MWpiTGJqQXFKMGViRnFGSlcwWTAxVlpGNzlnPT0%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(f55a20b79ae80ce7e62ddc68401c6615).jpg)
“You don’t get to interrupt me. It’s the only way I get smarter.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZUVmOStwbXBFZmNRNkRMQWU3ZTgrK0N2bUp0TGJ4THpNU0VRaktPTi9jV0dpYll0SG00UndSM0xZdHpjUVdCbXFsSzJvaFhDZyt6aHI3bHVXaU1iNmYxRXRsQWJFOFhLcEpDTTluNmR6REZRPT0%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(02ec18a83085161fd13397e6cfd10347).jpg)
“I’m pretty sure if I were actually drowning, I would have my eyes closed.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYnArQVRZMkxOWXBHV2JacWtuditKZWNQZC9pN2k0Nms4U2hvemtPSU4zblhNbThORm1XU042Y1hqL0JOU2RrY0gzQ09UTG1FT0NDNlY2RjhQdzNXZXdXT1g2SXdac29adXBzbFR6YWFXQWM%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(fad35697f1124ac56a4ca53ef91ec397).jpg)
“The most successful marriages get through the day one.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYWRMU21URVNtZFJ5OURSY3BVb1pQVzMzb0RvakRKNUFLQktNWWlENEp4TQ%3D%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(99d4f8c62ae1d779b6b8a5ac70ca24aa).jpg)
“Everybody lies.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYkVrTEN4UnA5U3hhcy9CTE04UGorMDRGZlBnVlFqTUVNbkpTbzlyT2lLZ0d5YUk5dFQxKzFtSWhaYVJUNTN1SHFGZjc2RnBaQnpPTVpYbDZnZWRLeDhqTUpPamh1V1RGREI2cTRPRjdxMnNFaFZ5UnA3OTVNM3JFa3NvdFBvcllBPT0%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(dfb786b8997b77bae3021a4b3db8d5bc).jpg)
“Sometimes the only way to move forward is to stop answering questions.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYzdmZGVzaElMWmZXeTMzUnJxWGkyQTBYSVR1UmpRQ2RCWFBWWjlhU256eWlleEtieHhtS2ZLdzRwR3BjQkd0SzBDN3R0eVk4SkdJekVGRVNtRit4Yjg9/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(01c0e89b029a9c67b42d507e4f1b8bc5).jpg)
“Vintage is a euphemism for ‘old and ugly.'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZVhnOFM0WnZKTGoyS1M2NGsxc2Y1cldMUFZZRU9KVFQrWlNpMjBwcEdiVmRGYWk0MVUxdHdPTmJjOG96UGZETk1lb2h3V245bERDcnpiYnlkWWU0bDNKYjlkMUVXMEJVTHhybzNubGFkQWI%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(adeec039167c3a3dd986fd71d353f63b).jpg)
“If nobody hates you, you’re doing something wrong.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZXdzaG9JaER3Q2tqTzlKVG5PZXdxdWxOMTlTWEJKZWlOWStYckRIcEpyVGZpZ1RReXlYS3FNME5RYkQ2OHQvbDltbjdhR3FsMkJHZUs4dW13M0htOG5MQmJlcktJd2FFMzBrWWs5dDRMU1VncjJnaUxobzZOOFdMVG03SnZTT1djTTVKeVdtd1FnazhBVWtCQitvTlNFdVdFNklEMlZHU1VDelBPVy9NNjRpb2Y5T25UaE1WeGhvMVd5RzB4aDJSZz09/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e059f82d1da2157cf6b967d9cf3e5371).jpg)
“You want to know how two completely unrelated people in the same room can become friends? I sleep with a woman, and you walk in.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVTNmY0VseGt2cUk5S1FMK3JzaWwrWE0yRTFnaEQrK2VuU3p6LzNGZ0dMK1AzN0wxTFZLOUczaWVqbUNnOE9yOW9BU2dTVU5CbHRkdWFsVFovaWNOMmNnMnQ2bHFkUStxazZQWldIcEVMd2JRYThZVUlyM3B2bmd1cFJCTFh6K0wzQ3gwYTM2clgvcjBYaWFCNW9lenp3VFFuMlR6SkEveVg1bFAwNDBDb0xHV3dUZUFlNW1CR2JMZFF2dllQb3pJUVNNeW9ibnZrS0NNQ2hpQTk4U2I3UjF1WmFOQlo3V1NvL0REQXRxUlN0S2NLK3p4cXRERjdtYjhlNHVOTE51VFErRWdneXdKd3Y5YTZ3RDVhaFpWY0tjdkh3U05NT3c3WTdIRGxmWW9zNGE%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5a83a0c605ff81b6b25d710de01a2118).jpg)
“It’s a vasectomy, not castration. The only thing you’ll lose is the ability to have children. And you’ll still be able to drive your sports car and overcompensate for your sexual insecurity.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWXdreGs5cVlkYzB4alc0ZFgrWXdTTzFyVGJwT01LQUR5OStzZTJGTmJLT3ZDWTZtRTZseXo5dlZPQ0tKbjFlbVNvWkFUa3dWTFp1bFExYTE2aVpCWlRlTCtPU3VycVk2d3BDMkxCQmJxT2YzajM4YzltRTRHTWFLVmhDb0dSelJpTTdCc2dBWVY4VGM0bEJWYUdVd09OZ1U5MVlQOU9ROHJkZmgrcjZ0VmZZ/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(33981ddbe6ce009b96a458c233ccecb5).jpg)
“I checked your room. There’s no evidence that anything interesting is happening in your life.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVjdOKzhCelZCV3l2UVJUblBNM2VkZHk4Vjd2cGtjTDhGKzNCeXlSekRwUUJyK2NNcXpyeVJKUzV6MTErYjMxZTdKT0I5KzNQdzdwdXdkTzhuaXF2NHZQUW1PdTVIMHlXdW1lY1ozaFR3aERkY2tMd1RGbkpTejMzdjkxOGNzRmdjK1ZrcnZCK0dpOTFvR1B6dDdOa1JSZHJXRGNvQWRqa3ZQd1Z0UzlnbmhF/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(2d8dc05238f19615b0d6c809c19404f6).jpg)
“Friends exist for two reasons: to save us from loneliness and make us drunk.” ANDREW TATE WORKING OUT QUOTE
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkcxTjI4Ykh2OWcwbUxHZ0lGZ0p6N3VVekNkL05lcWhNYmlzd0dnTFVLZ2l1L2RQREp0NHJyeGpzU0xtZXA5TlZpWmxDb29OMGpxalNpQUtMekJCbWk%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(02242dd256e806192a243b8e82522760).jpg)
“I’m not anti-social, I’m just not social.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUMya3dMVU96TERzMFVxbFFIT3FoMUNFWU4xdzBYWHErQmxWcmpEYlIrd0tvL3A3SXFmMkYxMEVjTXIrS1NJUGFkdFdBZkRveml4WXcreEcvUHJiUWhxV2lmSzBRWkVrNGpqdXAzNmtIMjQzdnR2YXEwTzZMclNmS3EzUFllQ0I2QmRMZ25GdTZTVVBXVzhuVm1tS1pKckRsOWcrM01SNDRCTW96aWk1NkRI/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(31365c095e631bdb1c973da5797c93e1).jpg)
“Okay, grab a seat, I’m gonna need a minute to think. No, wait, I’ll do it faster if you just leave.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU2ZRMVllYURGZ0x4bE1QdnpjanNNUHZCVk9YTDJJaVFObjArSFk5YnU5eEx1by8ybDhZeGdCUkpmSndjUDV4TW5kajNvNHhqZG5LKzA2K0E0SHBrdzd3ZElmNmQ3b0l4WHcrL2ZXRE1ZWnNwM2gxKytkV1VIRG82dHV0NkdtbVlTckJYNFRJYk12bTRPNjY0UXdYWXNjPQ%3D%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(f301c2d46caf92f404fae252781795cd).jpg)
“I find the key to aging gracefully is to avoid it altogether. Lobotomy? I’m in.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYmpvMG4xc05JMzZvR0xoTDdHdFBEUmR6c0wrZE4rQ0xWRGVZOE9sU2FDODAxNUl2YkFvZlM0U3dlTCtiKzR3c2xQL2xBNHFvTzVnU0ZQWmN2NGUwWC9SSnJYNUNER3RKejlYVVRkbHBPOWdLd0VuVEhvY09IMmV5dGllNUN2Y1FnblpqYUhNV1NmdTJmZC8ycWh3U3VNPQ%3D%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(b3ff8d059b5cc27aaa215a252878bb82).jpg)
“Sarcasm is anger’s ugly cousin. When I’m snarky, I’m at my best.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2akpKU3o4OE9zeWhvVkhCTDRyVU8rUldJZDdVeFdDeElYYStDWGlodkZzdnJ5cUpXcnhOUDdMSWZmNFVRQk9QNFFGdVIyL2RnekNGVE5NVjZFaStJWFYwMWNFMk5YSjc0a0xMVVI5d28xVE1kb1JQd0lBNG82RlI4V1Awd24vcnkyRVZhenRENGlZWWdEVlpSR0x0YjJuZFEyNEU0S0JKUSsvampqRGV3bXhJQT09/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(7dcc445084d0972489f12b0d5913b272).jpg)
“I don’t do blood. It’s messy, it smells. Kudos to you all for going out there and taking on the red gold.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYTlpZmhXSW1HSC93NmNIdlBMdnZ3QmZJY3htWThxR2pTNEZtM2RkN2NPeW5wc0RNM3UyR2wxZlhlRm8rcjRIN0NZNWkwVTlsSDhsWUxHRjBYMFpNUVQ5VUdEQ1pHZGlUdlI5Y0NjMTVPU1FwNXFON1FNRlJyOXplYlpLVkc5ajVFTml1L0tOS2cwRWFHd0VnWWNEL3pRZUd3R0RyVERhOFpJQ1VMaEZWV2Qw/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(a034293e411bd7bb498959b6b4fab06e).jpg)
“I solve cases, not relationships. I’ll leave that to people with less valuable skills—like yours.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVHNCb2cxYkdnQ1BoR2hpSDlZaGF5UlNnMytXS0NJdGE2VUczRDcreHc0VGRPVGtwNlVxQkpUc2dKWUpTQWhFWHdlUmw3SDkrdDRRblZWRkU5Y29vNG5tbDNkdm9PZGltMktZMVpvaHFWUGJpakNKZVZqRjd5VTBCaFczbSt4K0ZpeGx4eEFLQS93OENGakpCRW02RWs4UUN5ZEQzb3hVd3IvOEZnakdJM1ZHYmdaUFEzeXRBRTVnL3FvR1lqSXIxc2VIR2llTitDU0tvckh2Um5KMUgwbz0%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(8dec5cf771cbd2afc9ea1fe285cfa722).jpg)
“If you want doctors who can brush your hair and bake cookies, that’s your problem. I need doctors who play God like high-stakes poker.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUjMzMlpRcCs2ZGx2bm50L2xyWlVUemdnRVdLa01JMnZLWTR5dWRsZjU1R1AySC9td0lqS3ZvSHR3cDJLMjB3TTVoWFlRL1lDQ2JXdUpmY0NmV1ZOZjhrR2V1UXYxQWFQcm8rVnFuTE5CeXI%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(87f992b2acccc4044f3da6ae8b9a5bcd).jpg)
“If I were a vampire, I’d want you to be my daylight.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWTNqRy9UQS9sWUxiMjJvTm15YTU1NWE1eXFmSk5NVVdyUVBZTlVHOUtLV0J2NFhvVHpMNzVselFkUnZqMGlVNHFzalNEMFZCeGU3dWZkeHQ2cU9QQkRoM0tINC8yRTFXMXA1RUtiZFRnaUc5SElQWTVxSjE4dXd3djhENHpjaE5nPT0%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(9b3e732f1e206a1e4e4b4c278595c805).jpg)
“Congratulations on discovering you have a uterus. Did you name it yet?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDVZbUIzaHUrWnNPM1YvVGtLM2JMZDNIOXFCVTB4bnJhbnFWNE5HcmU4QllhNzZoREJJUTlzY0YxbjdkdXFKemJzWlNnbTNtZklqZ0N5cjl0em9pTEhDazUyQi84VGRTTUtHc3d3Um0vU2MyUlptbUtxKytERm9ueFB5Y1MrK1lOZHZRYWo5ZnpwaGdUb1N1QkV2dlBUdW0rOUZCTEozRDY3RWh4VVUrMUNmZz09/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(52e69cdb7e9743ce573a389f2f1d6e25).jpg)
“I’m not a ‘sit in silence’ kind of person. You ever taken aspirin? Silence is not the cure for cancer.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY1ErNldUQm00dE94Q25FcytNc2UvSHMwelBOWTRXQzZmcEMvbWdoUE80SDBuRFdhL05QYkJndXNEaG9xZ05wRGI0eUZ5ckxiT2JaWUY0M2VzeGVjOXdBWjhZMllJMWZ4WFRjL29CU3RDOGVrSlBPeDRheDN4QUthU0FLM1BBaFY2UkQrK3ZKTXN4ZzYrUUthMUFpOGNVPQ%3D%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(d5fe6dd804335078f76433c1164470f5).jpg)
“Don’t step up if you’re going to act like a pussy when you get scratched.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZm0wMjhSbjlnaGFQMTZERmVRYUdSOXNMT0dPSDk5WlR3L1lZbUhDK0EyWExidDFvMytSWFBpS2I2WERyenhJQnpJRlpnTG85SFhDcGdmbXFSMW9uUk4zUHlNVE81NmNIWFVpY2RMT2Q4QWdkNkhKMElZS0kxeGFFRzcxejNOWDhHSWgxRHhYbzlnbnA5OXdPRWk3R254RThKYVdzbXFvUjhyZWtNRWUyT3Q2eWE1MjVJdVduYisrYWo2Y1ZCNUdEbHIxZGUyQm1QZ3lkakUwUmlYVFFyRkVZSnFIcXBEbjJRTE9memVJc3NhL0pESWlKZ29TU000VDF0MHorMTZ0emc9PQ%3D%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(77776fc4b04327932e11a30bcf7dac21).jpg)
“I take risks, sometimes patients die and nothing changes. Some live and nothing changes. But once in a while, maybe one time in a hundred, a patient is actually cured.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY3NWMXU0dDVaMGgycDJsY3lhUWxGUU1KRHNsRjIvVnIzak9HRE1rTGVtN3lnSzVEZ0U4bU4yNmMyOG83OUZqc0ZkQk8wOUFhSWxXOVB5Zjl0MzV3QWM9/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(39836732aa7153c2da913dd4c27a1422).jpg)
“I have the bedside manner of a cobra.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZTFOclZyMWUwUWtuNlFQNFZJNkpoM1RUWXBhR0FCVzBzNEdsNGMxQm5taHRLZldKQXdPd0k3VkF5MkQ2QVBia0dCdWhvVnRGRnN5dzBpTEU3MWRMZlkwblBTbmY5SEtabUZIaHJsSHI4L1JRVnBySkNQMjhXdVFad0JqUktaU1IzN2Y3Rkc5dndQN0dQWC9uTVBSbnN1NWZuMDUvUjFQSkJVRFFuRS9uOTVmZi9kQmZ2VjcyOHdoUTNOUFZuVFhPRVBqUkJaTlVGcEFpcTBMTEpudUdNcA%3D%3D/DR+HOUSE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5d28c965260a41956a14c690c09a3b12).jpg)
“I’d love to, but I’m already halfway through what is apparently my last box of cigars, and for some reason, I’m out of Vicodin.”