![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUVdyVEFPUlJtQkFpSHRCVmlMb1paeE43TE1raHFhYzAzQmNPeGt4NU0xYkttLy9JOHFwL1lYQm1vR0M3bklnV2JiQSt4MFAraUJxbFZLQURoYThFTWNCZkFHTCtoSURrNkF3bFJFTUtHSk1HaDJNS25HOVV4WnlLejMyNkxhZi8xeXMxa1dXMllGSTd2a3BucWY3b3B3TGZ0dnJMNW5hcmhlanYyaG0yU3JGbXB2YncyVmZHNkdzWURqZlpLWEhkZz09/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(eaec9bf21d7c8f9156519d41106b0ecf).jpg)
“The doctor said a glass of wine a day is good for my heart. The bottle is under my bed, just doing my part for a healthy heart!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWk4vNFVXMnZYcU9PZGVmaXZTejcweXYxK2kya0JQcHRzUFF6Rml0Qi9HVGtRMmUwTi94cjhDbnptbDlIQVJIYmhoakVwWFord2J5QkVyem45U1VoN3owaXA4OEY3L0dsUWxkT0F0NDZ3SktPK3ZLeVBvUEhjd09kcXdjcSs2am53T1VDUnRvWXVTQmxwSnBMNzVSVkZqMkpNTDcwRzFod2w4UVVGU01oS1ZFbExnREF5eVE1SHpGN00wZ0NNelJxemZra1NiTWdxdnBWRHA2bW54MlUrOD0%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(f3a30903521c9de19720f82aea8532f4).jpg)
“Who needs a doctor when you have Google and a strong imagination? I’ve diagnosed myself with at least five rare diseases already.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFeFRDdVNkcy9JNmdXYnlkVlpGSm1CT3lZWmxVNE9DOE9lalY5MWZ0SHl5eGQ3M1ptRDFOM1N1a2RnY000WDFCTTRBa29CNGJTZnE3cEFoTDd5MUpwMm01YmZMNlRUTXQ3WHErL0p1SFVjSGpvMVBkN3RBQjI5d3FxeE9vZ3ZhYVhRPQ%3D%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(68944756519efa2b17fbf3790ca5ff2c).jpg)
“I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXRDTDA5OEdZTnJTaU4xbk9sMkFGUGVoUXQ0ZnJQOVJNNGpOdjk2RE5wSC9DeVQ1Umc2MEMrTVJrRzZqU0hMNEc5SUR6UWR3QTNxbVA0SHJHQmdqSXlTSStxSnBoR1F2SU5ERlc5bXdwNzl1dUUvTVNhc054Y1dlZzhFYm5mdnpYOVZkMWNiWm0rQWMwMU1QRVdkOWhQVWx0YXFnRGhublNlUWc1cXlKcng3/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(8b8761f8d87b88c95b7936f7df32fdc6).jpg)
“My doctor told me I need to exercise. I told him I already do – I walk to the fridge for snacks!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXRDTDA5OEdZTnJTaU4xbk9sMkFGTnBnSVFyWExlbUJCT3JyMkN0MEU5amlHYy9Wa1loRE12R3VTNUZLYlQ3NFRFTnJta2J6TGZUaWpYdS9aeWxBUzJqLzhGajJzTHZ5ODZsSXk4UUsyUVUrU1M1MkpXa1lwa3JrdnhZOVRwckVSeFVsS2RYcnhUbGNKWHNxVXhOYS82OEFTRFd1dXBPbzZKZzRjbG9UYjlKYkVnWmx6WEphSzZGU0t0MFdWTEdhcCtpeVoyM2o1ZUNtYzNRWXpMSWI2MUhLOCtzOFlndXpFNW5EbHdRNTlWS2Z6djEyaEJtbHNvdyt4UnFsb2N4dHc9PQ%3D%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(58bc2b43dfe6c1b95134e179696c77f6).jpg)
“My doctor gave me some advice for a healthy lifestyle: ‘Just avoid anything that has the word ‘fried’ in it.’ So now I eat my French fries naked.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY3U2cWduUUg1UCtndnpYcmdibHF4cjFyNGFCMWkzWmNuZ1diRjFEdXZpbDBucXo4ZEsyc2FrY2lKR0NPbTVRQmlwTG1USHZHdTFzSGFlazNwRmxMRGF4aWVNSGRib2pSQkI1YmwxQ2I3NjZWSm1EQXQrdkk3QXpWTks0S0w3T2ZjWXEva3VKN09ubDBUMnZ4T0daUGpuZFpibm1FWWcvMERPYkJjdXcxeVh1MEVyU2hvSjF0ZVVsOStXTDlQRndEUT09/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(fa41ed99c64be8ae047154b6c7632de6).jpg)
“I hate going to the doctor. They always ask if I’m sexually active, and I respond with ‘Not willingly’.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRsSmdicVhEWHF6UDlJY2tUNkw5NEVOdURERnJJakdhVFhWS09BU2R2R3NDMldvdnU5UmQzM0l2NlRlcE1PM0tnWHRDUGh5bzl2NVFYRk8wRVlHSmRUcU9VVnBxYjRKOENjdzRZam10T2pRK3NUVXZIM0hOdGUveUxCbzRUMGhESTZwaUlkdG5wUVNmME9ZWWdNWGxJRzBOYWZGMnVzYVdDQzJLQW1BdUJqdStYSDc1N1ZDZU1nTUpTdmhCVmZSRUZySm02TURRL2VpN0ZtWnNHcnh1QT0%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(7590eea668558a8faf16a1e8044f96d9).jpg)
“I went to the doctor and he told me to quit drinking, smoking, and partying. I told him I’m not a quitter, so I switched doctors!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXRDTDA5OEdZTnJTaU4xbk9sMkFGUElBcnFtQ3VjeHhlWngzd2paT251aHFvRklnMW03WWsyNWp5MXZHTVJMUFk5M0QvU1ZEVTZtL1JiK1JvT3BJR2RTcnZUd3NTSTJRUXM2ZSs2SFNoMUZ0dEMrWXJ2L3VKM25UeDlaL3Z4QmJGbHJnNm9CSllUM2wraUZVTisxOWhXNlhvNEovZkoyd29lV2FmT3FHc2lP/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(9b587593bbd6985a073ae805ded0715a).jpg)
“My doctor told me I should watch my drinking. So now I drink in front of a mirror – I know my limits!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYjF1a3dIeXlqeTdoY0tIaXRLazFKQ2JaUmxnWDAwRTJGQkNjL3FPYXphUjdESS9UVE1zZ0dmeFBrRFFPTUVreklpYjROR1IrZUY3eVJjN0tXZDcveUx6VHhzQXl1ckJmRXI5OVdkMUl0K0NpTTRjNHphdlV0ZEphc3g4Y3huWkxhRXREbS83VUJTQW85UEtmTlE5aHlhdWwxWHVRTzFDMld0R3k5Yk44ZVdlMFBsd1ZlSGcyUStsMFVNZ1Bwbldrdz09/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(5536f3f58c10623a104a79c86024bd71).jpg)
“The doctor told me I have a very rare condition called ‘amnesia’. I don’t remember much about it though.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRsSmdicVhEWHF6UDlJY2tUNkw5NEVOdURERnJJakdhVFhWS09BU2R2R3lQNElqVThQUVFrNGRZaVJSRVE1Q3Y4d3Z4NkppTGxkMTNhTktackVsM1FxTzk1aXhkdXlkTlRCVlprRitXaEhXK3Roc0N4ODc5RThudHR5NFJlMXJENnU5WEJsZm5wa2Z0ZER3cTJTdWdhL0xsRE0xN2NNMGloR1hhWXBnR2c3TG5iNmhlaFlTVUhidktFTHBGYnNVODNBdE5oQllUdURYU1FVVDgxQWFmdnNMbm1KTUVYY2o4SDVoZ0d4UXdKdA%3D%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(f7216730bf3113c3ca90f58073e53adc).jpg)
“I went to the doctor and said, ‘It hurts when I do this.’ He replied, ‘Then don’t do that!’ Well, thanks Dr. Obvious!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXRDTDA5OEdZTnJTaU4xbk9sMkFGUGpKMWc1WHQ2SlFJanNWOTV2aUdTZGZZNXRieVNYYnpWOFB1NFlBREFhK3dLTU43WkNUK3NhT0VpckFzbis4Q1dOcHU3TXVYQ21tUVFqL2FIK0tIK0xIRENLNEMzMU5FbDNSQzZlR1FtQ3FzWTUyUzgwdCsySWx5bE5JRTgzb25pTk9DeUpxTUx5TThaTklLem5MbFZ2UmIrN1ZXQzdSek9ma1k4R3lBQTBwNXJiTTJtSUpLRm0xN1dsUFpGUXZxaz0%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(bc2119be4314715b461a2585bc9b365d).jpg)
“My doctor said I need to watch my cholesterol. So now I only eat foods with invisible cholesterol – you know, the healthy kind!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXRDTDA5OEdZTnJTaU4xbk9sMkFGTUJENThvaEl3alNOd1JCdlh4NnF1czJ4RGgvT2g1dURTcGxXc1BJUlU3SEx0SjJCQU5NaWp0MmtLU0NYSFpKZkpncHNTMVVUSFJDcXZEMWh5NHVuaVVkSE9hMEZKZ1hPMWVKazg3SnFBeHF5YTEvdG9EWFZGMDNoMk1xQTI5U1RZPQ%3D%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(9734f5ac6806cfd361ae670cce3843ff).jpg)
“My doctor asked me if I consumed too much alcohol. I told him I’m more of a connoisseur!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVm1hREoreGp6aE50OHUrOExQRXFaVkk2TTBmOEU1ZnBmSkN6SWZtOUNNNVgzVUhDRjNOMU9WNGRESnB6TC9sRmRtTEQ2dUxSQld5RGFROHpNZDdpVHREc0E4aHdKTmlYUHcyQS9rNnA4QVhzcUtjUTFqTWFuZ2FLUDFkdVFzbG8xR2MzWnVsWFJiYnRUaFlOYlQ0NGloMkRkdEhXbndHeUt3VVNBSU1LNTZ3ZHZ0RWlNNnZvOHpPdEVoQW84Z2JpcDhhWWcyMlFBK3plNkNHSmQvNFc2QQ%3D%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(38ec5ecd2540173e77694aa1b83294f5).jpg)
“I asked my doctor how long I have left to live. He told me he wouldn’t answer that question unless I paid him upfront!” QUOTES AND PICS ABOUT LIFE
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYjF1a3dIeXlqeTdoY0tIaXRLazFKQVpMVUFUbW9qcC93UmlucWxmWmFIb1h6YytoRjEraEp5c0tZL2xMeWttOFdwTHMvREZTT2NGdkxQeXlrNGNobEtENWxGY01RQitjakI2eWo0dTBWSDdjZS9FVm51Y2VEMGo3VkllZTNLM2ZSSWxuL3pHS0RKTCt5QWg4VXdIdmY1TnJ1Zjd4SzczN09NZWcyZEhYNE9y/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(e6ff6463a86b6a1147d13cb25408b66d).jpg)
“The doctor asked me if I had trouble sleeping. I said, ‘No, I can do it with my eyes closed!'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYjF1a3dIeXlqeTdoY0tIaXRLazFKQzFjQmN6RTZuQ0dzRTBzbCtwSEkxeTZKSFcyeXhsbXdmNEdwSVhrSmk3d2lzVktZSUZkUE1ZNlIwQXE2WEM5TkhLbVE2aEo3eDZ3OTJPaE54TUkrbFBVZWwvMnlqbHZmTFB2NXppeFBmUDZTMS84MDAraXo4UFlicFFpNjZYOTR1RWlVazQ2TFYrRXYvaUZXdWRQRG53/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(a34f2001f2a2707eee24ed9fe315215e).jpg)
“The doctor told me I need to exercise regularly. So now I’m training to run away from my bills!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXRDTDA5OEdZTnJTaU4xbk9sMkFGUElBcnFtQ3VjeHhlWngzd2paT251aG5ZYXQ0U0hSSmZwSHJmQmEvQjVkYmJYajl2cGRka3VnUTlpZC9JWGI5dDRwYnJvRWpTM1pHWks2MnlEbm1kYnlKVDh5bzgzbm9vOEFLWG5BOG5wUWRkRGNqcmdjZ2VIWml5S0RYRlFmLzRxeXgzS3B5LzQ2aERsY0ZnZU9RNVFo/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(aed9ce414c713a18e531b943691f18c7).jpg)
“My doctor told me I should lose some weight, so I started eating on a smaller plate. Now I feel like a giant!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXRDTDA5OEdZTnJTaU4xbk9sMkFGTzFUL1pKeEF3MmhHNUZsNVcyRkp0RXVyN3h6QS9hUTlvQVB1bnRUbnlwNGZGRVZYaFpKWmpIY0RWYlJHVXN3eUFqdG8rS1FHL2syWTU2dTdnSTcyemt5aTFNcjR2ajVONWVUaS9ZcTE4VWU0cmZ3KzZzNUN3THF2U1JYTER1aXhBPQ%3D%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(77ba93716f9ea10b253d9b1276560527).jpg)
“My doctor told me to avoid stress, so I stopped reading my bank statements. Problem solved!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXRDTDA5OEdZTnJTaU4xbk9sMkFGTkpnc0o1T3BOa2drSWVSeFBoeTFvLzFsSmcxMlZEUGZzaTU0MEV6TVVlVWtzZVdramx0bWMzK0ZLSTZVVUZ3NmNiQkRzOTE2Uzh4TXB4d0Q0b3lxMlM1ZUZVc3dTc3lpczZQUTN4a1dNd0NCNmROaW5hL1I4bm8xb0x4TjhzUnU4PQ%3D%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(dd6d48e23f6ed2bea5296cb0c748e31c).jpg)
“My doctor told me laughter is the best medicine. So, I gave him my hospital bill and he laughed.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEWEZaQ1d0TS9pODVmM25kWnVyOTFQL1NBeGR1M0ZSUXVuK3ZsYndPQU5EWm1sSTBNNTF3SjJhcEFyRkgzV05UVTNLclNUTVJReTFpZ29aM0hqWUtlQkZLWFVmeTZvK1RyMHZpbGQrbytFZWFFKys1STVPTTBnOHNqWkU5cytodUc4PQ%3D%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(0d871c2e91c0f6bc972c538cced6459c).jpg)
“I asked my doctor if I could stop using my asthma inhaler. He said, ‘Suck it up!'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEWEZaQ1d0TS9pODVmM25kWnVyOTFQLzFJaHBTZmxzcnpFME1KMXhRMHhtWXcwV2M3dzkydGppWmcwa1MzbjBadkkvM0hWL0JiTW9ZSG1TVlVXS0d6MWtnNkxrR1JtdE41MW9OUy9CL2YxeXgyNWpHbldURzJjd2hBZE9ydktmZWFzT1BJemo1SlkxVEQ0TzJ1SnpMbkVham8rNkFjRkEwT3oxUWxsTGZSU0d2aW5UclhJTnVKWmN1WUlRRnVDWkdTYz0%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(54b4f9cdf37f6e9da06b1889b5652e09).jpg)
“I asked my doctor if I could treat my illness with natural remedies. He said, ‘Sure, as long as you don’t mind dying naturally too!'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXRDTDA5OEdZTnJTaU4xbk9sMkFGT3BsMDFIUHhEa2IwdVgvSE5BUGp6MTd5T3p6Y3BKL3ZCU0tWcTc3RlFPSzF4Z25uSk5Zakc4SXhhak9IQkxQNkNxc21WUEZtMWhucTVJczJpYVRhWjUvUXZYUll1UEdzMVpBNUtvTHV1Z0xWNWlhM2ViM3ZGS2JqOTlSVzRHc2Q4OWdmbTlERXNOeUZNOXF3UnozS2UzOWFNQ2NoQUdFZU50eWx3U3Z0N3NaUE1qcGc0M2hRbFpTUDRQL1VGVnZ1RT0%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(c00945971d985e37eab19c06618d2824).jpg)
“My doctor said I have a vitamin D deficiency. I told him it’s because I get all my sunshine from the light of my refrigerator!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFeHZmam1vZG5ZZkw5WXpZVStXVUNmSlpXUTJGTjRTTFVFQ2pLL2dJOWdXWEE2RlJNRmFRbFJmNXdmWGxKNXNGei9JMGNXdTNFVnh4bWFUVzAzcHd1SHQ1MTV0SytGOG1RbjlqNEJtTy8xNzFBPT0%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(fe4f22f9e7b22569cd1a8f8ac5055fcd).jpg)
“I told my doctor I had memory problems. He told me to pay in advance!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRsSmdicVhEWHF6UDlJY2tUNkw5NEVOdURERnJJakdhVFhWS09BU2R2R2Yyb1NhN0tyWFNKY21xNm0vRXplUkRPTU8zaWgvZFFDL2dBekNLbmF4MG5aQ3BMT1grcSttS3pDMHpMSTgySDVvRUsvYW91b2wyaUE1QWZ6aDZpZGp3TDV0dmFzdVVoamhCTHZpYzZxSDMzL3ZEQTRRVzRraHc5WVl2MDlucFVra0dpYTY0U2VIRm95K0Y4VjAwU2tnZz09/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(1e6084c8fdc6b126f0533f2e3c840b59).jpg)
“I went to the doctor and he asked me if I had a family history of insanity. I said, ‘No, they all seem to enjoy it!'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXRDTDA5OEdZTnJTaU4xbk9sMkFGUGVoUXQ0ZnJQOVJNNGpOdjk2RE5wSHp1MlZLaEgyUStGZVVBb044UU8rS2l5UC9OZm5LcTQ5Q0Z2NFh2dmdKWmdiVmlob3IwSXZIRWFpWXRSb3BrMmdqTG9BL1VTMU5PMnRoWTI3bEp4WGN1Q1hRTzZ2L3NwK2xWSHl5Tklud1hvPQ%3D%3D/DR+QUOTES+FUNNY/(200dd12bfec23ae21518298e45b48333).jpg)
“My doctor told me I need plenty of rest. So now I’m training to be a professional napper!”