FAMILY GUY QUOTES

Here are 30 memorable quotes from the TV show Family Guy:

“I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.” – Peter Griffin

“You know, Lois, I’ve learned something today: God’s purpose for women was to protect the earth’s chocolate supply.” – Stewie Griffin

“Victory is mine!” – Stewie Griffin

“Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!” – Unnamed character, repeating the phrase “oh no” multiple times

“Freakin’ sweet!” – Peter Griffin

“I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.” – Peter Griffin

“Who wants chowder?” – Peter Griffin

“Giggity giggity goo!” – Glenn Quagmire

“I don’t care what color you are on the inside. We don’t have any black people in here, so I don’t have any competition.” – Peter Griffin

“Lois, if I’m not back in five minutes, wait longer!” – Peter Griffin

“I’m Peter Griffin, and I approve this message.” – Peter Griffin

“Brian: You know, Quagmire, not everything is about sex. Quagmire: It is if you do it right!” – Brian and Glenn Quagmire

“Damn you, vile woman! You’ve impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb!” – Stewie Griffin

“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, ‘It’s better than yours.'” – Stewie Griffin

“You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.” – Brian Griffin THE BOND OF A MOTHER AND DAUGHTER QUOTES

“It’s a wonderful day for pie!” – Peter Griffin

“Peter: I’m so hungry I could eat a guy’s ass with a spoon! Lois: Peter, you can’t be serious. Peter: I’m as serious as a dog with puppies in his belly.” – Peter and Lois Griffin

“It’s not your fault she’s a dirty whore.” – Peter Griffin

“I’m surrounded by idiots.” – Stewie Griffin

“Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.” – Peter Griffin

“Oh my God, who the hell cares?!” – Peter Griffin

“Now I may be an idiot, but there’s one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.” – Peter Griffin

“I’m going to do what I do best: lie, steal, cheat, and survive!” – Stewie Griffin

“Oh yeah, I’ll be awesome, just like Jackee!” – Peter Griffin

“Don’t worry, Lois, I’ll sleep with our son and make another one.” – Peter Griffin

“Peter: I need to talk to you about a problem I have. Dr. Hartman: Well, Peter, you shouldn’t be embarrassed. Many men suffer from ED. Peter: ED? No, I don’t have ED. I have…. ADHD, HD… HD-DVD, ED-209, 6760SUX. Dr. Hartman: Did you just name three different variations of erectile dysfunction?” – Peter Griffin and Dr. Hartman

“You lazy douche, it takes two buttons to turn on a button machine!” – Stewie Griffin

“I can’t seem to face up to the facts. I’m tense and nervous, and I can’t relax. I can’t sleep ’cause my bed’s on fire. Don’t touch me, I’m a real live wire.” – Stewie Griffin, singing

“I’d love to stay and impress you all, but I’ve got to get to the little boys’ room before we leave. I drank like 2 gallons of soda!” – Stewie Griffin

“You know, it’s times like these when I realize what a superhero I am. I’m like a sexual superhero.” – Quagmire