FAMOUS QUOTES BY GROUCHO MARX

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.”

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.”

“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”

“Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me?”

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”

“I never forget a face, but I’ll make an exception in your case.”

“Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.”

“I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.”

“I’ve known and respected your husband for many years, and what’s good enough for him is good enough for me.”

“I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.” BRECHT QUOTES

“I must confess, I was born at a very early age.”

“If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.”

“I’m not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.”

“Humor is reason gone mad.”

“I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that.”

“I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.”

“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”

“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

“I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.”

“I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.”

“If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.”

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.”

“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”