“It’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery!” – Clark Griswold

“Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?” – Clark Griswold

“We’re kicking off our fun old-fashioned family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.” – Clark Griswold

“Why is the carpet all wet, Todd?” – Margo Chester

“Can’t see the line, can you Russ?” – Clark Griswold

“You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant!” – Clark Griswold

“We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye.” – Clark Griswold

“When Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!” – Clark Griswold

“I’m sorry. This is our family’s first kidnapping.” – Aunt Bethany

“Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.” – Aunt Bethany

“Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell!” – Clark Griswold BEST SHORT LOVE QUOTES

“Eat my road grit, liver lips!” – Clark Griswold

“I don’t know what to say, but it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” – Ruby Sue

“Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?” – Clark Griswold

“You set standards that no family activity can live up to.” – Ellen Griswold

“I’m sorry if I seem to take my time, it’s just that I’ve loaded a lot of help this evening.” – Clark Griswold

“Hey, Griswold. Where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?” – Frank Shirley

“If that cat had nine lives, she just spent ’em all.” – Clark Griswold

“I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas.” – Clark Griswold

“Just because I’m in a festive mood doesn’t mean I’m feeling charitable.” – Frank Shirley

“The little lights aren’t twinkling.” – Clark Griswold