“Victory is fleeting. Losing is forever.” – Stewie Griffin

“You know, I shouldn’t be surprised, I come from a long line of losers. You know, first, my great-great grandfather, the world’s first streaker. And he was beaten to death by the first man who thought it was funny.” – Peter Griffin

“Oh my God! Brian, there’s a message in my Alphabits. It says, ‘Oooooo.'” Peter Griffin

“Screw you guys, I’m going home.” – Eric Cartman

“Yeah, well, I’m gonna go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park!” – Bender Rodriguez

“I’m not fat. I’m festively plump.” – Peter Griffin

“Nothing says ‘I love you’ like pooping with the door open.” – Peter Griffin

“I’m a writer. I don’t get out much. It’s kinda my thing.” – Brian Griffin

“Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.” – Peter Griffin

“I’m so tired of… being caught between these two people I love. Right between a rock and a hard place… It’s like being right between Stupid Brian and Moron Lois.” – Stewie Griffin

“I’ve had my share of triumphs. But nothing shapes a man like his grandmother getting blown up in his car.” – Peter Griffin

“I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from staying up all night drinking.” – Peter Griffin

“I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicatingly charming.” – Brian Griffin GOD PLEASE PROTECT MY FAMILY QUOTES

“I may be fat, but I can still kick your ass.” – Peter Griffin

“If I’m not back in five minutes… wait longer!” – Ace Ventura

“I’m no hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time, just like everyone else.” – Lois Griffin

“You’re drunk Peter.” – Brian Griffin “No, I’m just exhausted ’cause I’ve been up all night drinking.” – Peter Griffin

“Hello, 911? It’s Quagmire. Yeah, it’s caught in the window this time.” – Glenn Quagmire

“You can’t skip church just because it’s a gaping, festering wound filled with the puss of your own sin.” – Stewie Griffin

“You know, I’m really glad I had this talk with you, Lois. I learned that a giant check can really fix any problem. From now on, I’m gonna always have one on hand.” – Peter Griffin

“When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.” – Barney Stinson

“No matter what you do in this life, someone will always love you.” – Peter Griffin

“I’m surrounded by idiots, it’s like I’m on Pluto.” – Stewie Griffin

“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Jack London

“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.” – Oscar Wilde