FAMOUS RON SWANSON QUOTES

“Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.”

“There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.”

“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”

“Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.”

“I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.”

“I’m not a fan of emotions. I crush them.”

“When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.”

“I’m not interested in caring about people.”

“There is only one bad word: taxes.”

“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”

“Never waste time at an employee’s wedding. It’s like listening to a concert on the radio.”

“I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.” WILL I EVER BE HAPPY AGAIN QUOTES

“The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people anymore.”

“I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It’s a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement.”

“I stand by my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.”

“Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.”

“Friends: One to three is sufficient.”

“The only thing I hate more than lying is skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.”

“Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.”

“It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.”

“History began on July 4th, 177 Anything before that was a mistake.”

“There is no wrong way to consume alcohol.”