“Being a first-time mom is like being an unpaid intern, except there’s no coffee breaks and your boss is a tiny human who can’t communicate.”

“My definition of multitasking now means being able to take a shower while monitoring the baby monitor.”

“Sleeping like a baby? Yeah, right. More like waking up every two hours to check if the baby is still breathing.”

“I used to sleep like a log before becoming a mom. Now I sleep like a cat, with one eye open at all times.”

“Having a baby is like having a tiny alarm clock that never stops ticking.”

“Whoever said ‘sleep like a baby’ has obviously never had a baby.”

“Babies are like adorable little dictators who rule your life with their demanding needs and cute smiles.”

“Being a first-time mom means learning how to survive on minimal sleep, coffee, and sheer determination.”

“I used to take countless selfies before motherhood. Now, my phone is filled with countless pictures of my baby’s adorable face.”

“I never knew I could love someone so much and simultaneously be so exasperated by them.”

“Before motherhood, I thought I was busy. Now I laugh at my past self and wonder what I used to do with all that free time.” MAY QUOTES AND SAYINGS FOR CALENDARS

“I used to have a social life. Now I just get excited about adult conversations that don’t involve baby poop.”

“Motherhood is like trying to solve a constant puzzle, but the pieces keep multiplying.”

“First-time mom tip: Invest in good dry shampoo. You’ll thank me later.”

“Every day feels like a marathon, but at least I’m getting some killer arm muscles from carrying around a baby all day.”

“Motherhood is the ultimate crash course in patience and selflessness. And I thought I was already a patient person.”

“The only advice I give to new moms is to expect the unexpected. Because babies have a way of throwing curveballs when you least expect it.”

“Parenthood is all about making plans and then laughing at how absurd those plans were.”

“Before being a mom, I couldn’t imagine having another human’s bodily fluids on me and not being disgusted. Now, it’s just a part of daily life.”

“Motherhood: the only job where having cereal for dinner is considered a well-balanced meal.”

“A baby’s cry is like a built-in alarm system that goes off just as you sit down and finally relax.”