![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVitycWlwejQ3YzlTRlF0azJ6WWd2UWdMdkJSRTVMZjM1WXNGTmVYaXNaUVduMHZMZXcxZk1weUVya2ZHZ1hxcmRQQWJGczNDaTRoMHNaVVAxWjdUMTFZdVp0S1ZOeG5hU3NTY0VFOTlJR3Y%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(d4e208a63340a3060f40d9d1662a8baf).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteE5ScjNva3dTWVE4ZHVXVWorN3RTQ3ZuUVl2ZUdyTTZaWmRKeUdyT1ExN0FLazBIUThQNEk0QkVLdDR1ZVJ4Mk1RYzJFdGpNYWJXNEdCcENUb2pFSWk%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(141793095aabe700dba211f76895fad1).jpg)
“I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZnRrRGdkVGhOSC91OWZONkFOajlMVm02elNLYW83akZyV0dLWVYrK3l1bzdTQWl0Q2h1NE8vanVqTzJsb3hTZVo%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(d8c401eb8f2fc775c3819afcc0d7f3c3).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAveXA2eUJlWGoxMVRuV2w4cWpva3Y1cGhKYTkzd3BXL3g1TTVCcG04U0VLNlVVa01vaUthNGNjZ1A5SjZNbXR5UFBUVlo1dEltNnQwdGJUd2kvNTVIVUg3S0huVUdOTEdtMzNoU0RCSzluR2FRPT0%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(e5794edf280bcf872ebd0143af2dd27e).jpg)
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAvemR4STlHd1ROWFhHb1ExNmlDcDdnNnRSTTN6WlVRYy9iUjQ0SEdqMzBLMmxIN21LNFE0T2kvVmZmeFJWWUxPWTNKejlUTVJqVFROQmlTUk5OWkgyTnQzdU1BbEltTlZnem1hL1g1UlJpNkNBPT0%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(e04d40ca85122150f51ac9852bb0a088).jpg)
“Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUS9aekRQZWhFS1pKUW00WDVvZFQrVUNCR3UzbmpISkhBeEJIWDVZQm5rMmd6aXZaU09yTGg5RzhWMHhTalF5L21mOWlWVGxQbnBqbS9lYkluWUV4ZHk0eXlCR3VyT0ticExEU1RELzJZTzk%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(5ec4bf292564120826fef0ad63e362d8).jpg)
“My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteDJhemJud1hsa1JjY0tuUW56QkR1UDl0Y2x1eW9PNFVnQ1ZTREhXanJhU1QrTzRocUpiWS9sTmpCYkkzUWxJcGRuenRsdlUyYXlpMUpLM0k2MlIwbnQ%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(cb04f8ff2e81139e65f8aba24e855f45).jpg)
“I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZnRTTWRCekUycnI0NEoveHVTcXZIV0praURZZEpyZEVlUFZwckhLenRnWlZBMmJ1c1JWeEo2NkhCYnhyV0dyZkgwcVhCUDVYejFSMmVSeUdoWE83eGNQNVBZUTA3bkQ4M0dHcWdTRWV5MUNEN2hQTUxYaFhSZzNSWjE5d09pREdBPT0%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(353caf9a47579962eb687a8cfd8cd4f4).jpg)
“I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, and then it hit me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZTAwdWhNbFYrZEFqWE1IYlRvd21ZMUVDMXM5bnNnRWYxSUtOazYxdE92VmFJUEl0WklKWnFYejNBN1NJZmVDK0h0aGtWR3JvQzBuN0VRV1RkcDVidno0VmkrUnlvU2VKQ1FIRjJ6Q1pLNEhRPT0%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(27eb4669c0125346eea32234985cd41a).jpg)
“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZFViYU5MbGRVa0FNNWZuMTFUR2FFTlc1UkhKYU1DTU45d3pxRkFkSVp2eXNERXlWTHhPTldSemNrNWdhQ2NsbmM9/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(bf21d8d807beddbd214d368ce009ac91).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWnM2dkJoUThLTUlRbTRqNnRQMm5QRXZJNUFnUS93d2taWHhmd0hIU0FsVGVsRVpMYXdWdmEyY3prc051cVRMWC9YQnlIYTRKV0xyNDg5VWlkT3g2UWRmUWJoSFMxT2Q4Nm5XRFJ5aHNWZEFMQkhnOFgrNGhCTUNHSEJIR1dwV1RYWGtIRjF5RkxNRWowNzh0OXc0ZnR5SEkzald0cWN0NjZUdUlUVnVjK0tSa0wxV2kzYnl3WHRQc3ByNUhKLzhDdz09/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(c5f8406d01a8775e125d9bc6a72895eb).jpg)
“Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers? He’d stop at nothing to avoid them.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWnM2dkJoUThLTUlRbTRqNnRQMm5QRXRUazBaOXlTa0o5SkVPN1IyMUtKN0ozQ2hJRHVvWlBxZFlJWGdJVnZBa1lzYnBSV09EcXptQkdtalRvR0d2MU1wRTBoNzVjQjV1dUxqQitMdUxsL1RlOVBmMFV1ZHd6eXc1UDhBY0hhSElZT0NJUzE3NjlmUWYrM0JGVE13OHZRL1MyUnZJL0RMK0dwbGt3WEF6bWFr/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(ff6612e514271d645d0c26813ecb43a7).jpg)
“Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZjc0L0FhejNuNDZqZlVJNk52UkNqanc3OWJtaUx6ZXFhb2RvdFdnQ1RmOFNPL3FiRjVYN3FVRVhJUDBaYUh0Q3NuczRPd0d3ZXFpdHAvUmo2RHFiNUc%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(f6be51e8ac37206578d5fd9d91ae156c).jpg)
“I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop anytime.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAveXA2eUJlWGoxMVRuV2w4cWpva3Y1cGhKYTkzd3BXL3g1TTVCcG04U0VLNlVVa01vaUthNGNjZ1A5SjZNbXR5UFBUVlo1dEltNnQwdGJUd2kvNTVIVUg3S0huVUdOTEdtMzNoU0RCSzluR2FRPT0%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(e5794edf280bcf872ebd0143af2dd27e).jpg)
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteE5ScjNva3dTWVE4ZHVXVWorN3RTQ3ZuUVl2ZUdyTTZaWmRKeUdyT1ExN0FLazBIUThQNEk0QkVLdDR1ZVJ4Mk1RYzJFdGpNYWJXNEdCcENUb2pFSWk%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(141793095aabe700dba211f76895fad1).jpg)
“I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkphZWxiSUVyWlpBOUVTUSswejl4bXQ1eUg2SC9NdExDb3NMcVZoRE1WN1ZaMmlWQ1BNR1BiQm5aOXJ0TEdTWXhCRlU3SzhnRVlYdE12Ums3N0RrVXBDbUN3R3dBbm9YUUcrTGJMQUpZbFgzQW54RmtXSXpWTUhsT0NLZmtUcXNRPQ%3D%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(f4770dec37d541f8e85c0e65dbe23e9b).jpg)
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” LAUGHTER DAY QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUxMdGludUlTUDAyd1pKbXd0bWt4WmNrMExRM25zYkFvTjVicGQwYmdvNzJraklTUEhHY3pZOHRCSHJyWkpkNmNTOHhjeW1hQVQ3TGZNZmtRdWlVNVAyMlNQRmxQWjQwZnNrVVp3VkZGbXkwQVFEQWVMREt4SG5KM1hTam44aUZTenRMR0pBU29iVkhsTjZ1WFBuL1BJPQ%3D%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(6a2273eefde6b2683c67ef4b185d52c2).jpg)
“My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFeHVIelJ4blF3K1hQbkNtcmcxeWlWMzByNlRnZXU1by8vbjVMYkJ5Vko5aEtrM2orcEFKbkNYNG1RZ3Y1UE44WTI5K3JmSGJxWXgrZEdDU2xmdC9TY2pPRDJxYnpJcFpJa29WMUNhNnJaSTZ3PT0%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(c0c5b83558d54af564caac45e144f4a7).jpg)
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkdETG1wajBkZXd0d0x1cm9acHRPVmZuN1VRejczVFI0TnBWQ0EyS1BiaUVjWVNSYURicnA2ZlR5bWo0bGlsMGgvZGpTQmY1WVAraEpBN0poZnorY3JFWU84amEva3BWMENuR1ZRK1o4Qm9qK1IxRDBvNGdrbTBsYVpRSmdhaEZ3PQ%3D%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(3d81c2290e2e3d378044b6e3c113d189).jpg)
“I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. Well, it was just gathering dust anyway.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteE5ScjNva3dTWVE4ZHVXVWorN3RTQ3ZuUVl2ZUdyTTZaWmRKeUdyT1ExN0FLazBIUThQNEk0QkVLdDR1ZVJ4Mk1RYzJFdGpNYWJXNEdCcENUb2pFSWk%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(141793095aabe700dba211f76895fad1).jpg)
“I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkphZWxiSUVyWlpBOUVTUSswejl4bXQ1eUg2SC9NdExDb3NMcVZoRE1WN1ZaMmlWQ1BNR1BiQm5aOXJ0TEdTWXdOWXlnQkRRMTRuNFJSc2hmKy9VdXU%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(96c71cadea9c7ee7d1c386a18f869a61).jpg)
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUxMdGludUlTUDAyd1pKbXd0bWt4WmNrMExRM25zYkFvTjVicGQwYmdvNzJraklTUEhHY3pZOHRCSHJyWkpkNmNTOHhjeW1hQVQ3TGZNZmtRdWlVNVAyMlNQRmxQWjQwZnNrVVp3VkZGbXkwQVFEQWVMREt4SG5KM1hTam44aUZTenRMR0pBU29iVkhsTjZ1WFBuL1BJPQ%3D%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(6a2273eefde6b2683c67ef4b185d52c2).jpg)
“My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFeHVIelJ4blF3K1hQbkNtcmcxeWlWMzByNlRnZXU1by8vbjVMYkJ5Vko5aEtrM2orcEFKbkNYNG1RZ3Y1UE44WTI5K3JmSGJxWXgrZEdDU2xmdC9TY2pPRDJxYnpJcFpJa29WMUNhNnJaSTZ3PT0%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(c0c5b83558d54af564caac45e144f4a7).jpg)
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkdETG1wajBkZXd0d0x1cm9acHRPVmZuN1VRejczVFI0TnBWQ0EyS1BiaUVjWVNSYURicnA2ZlR5bWo0bGlsMGgvZGpTQmY1WVAraEpBN0poZnorY3JFWU84amEva3BWMENuR1ZRK1o4Qm9qK1IxRDBvNGdrbTBsYVpRSmdhaEZ3PQ%3D%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(3d81c2290e2e3d378044b6e3c113d189).jpg)
“I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. Well, it was just gathering dust anyway.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteEtNb1E1bjlPNjBhZkw4MlNBYzV6Kzd2Vmt4c2ltc1IzVzNtdlA4R3NhTEpzL215VjRtSElJM0VxaVo3dHdFQ0hHS0puejN1UUNrQlU4VEJBeUdxMHg%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(2f9480031cc818bb92b6c49ed4e502db).jpg)
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVittZHlDeGVBanJGaHFKT1BCd3NOQmVHcWFLWDZoeGZNRERJcE1qNjIyYnArQXVvNGM4YnRZMjdFWHJLODU5WTlLL1Vxc09DaWNUN1ptSDhYVlVycTQ9/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(e8c5a2ae7aa8b9a95f6cd7a644eebda8).jpg)
“Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVlhqSmxFdjN1Uldpd0NUNW9ETVFQY3VoNkZzMU43Y05MWll6MDRHZjBQV0pYQzRLbDY4eXBEc1czMTFTQkhuRUVLVGpBMDQ4NzdJWmdSd2VHaDdrck9HN0paZUdGSUlLdWV5MWhOK3pUVHRIRUtlU1VOTlN1b1NSYUZCcGhEc0RzVCs3SXJ4VGk0aHdRbVRXNXJqazY3/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(86fe5a3517abe6ac82930a81f2a175a8).jpg)
“I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteWFvTWMvbHFDY0pDajZpWjRDQW8wNDE4bEI1cWgzcXBYMlcvUUNWejROZ1o0M1FBSzlDTVNUVVM0aTF4UEJEd1E5dWRncG1pQThEd2Q2SFoxTGRyUnk%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(8b2f2a1b45124daae22fc8ab028775fb).jpg)
“I used to have a job at a shoe factory, but I got the boot.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWnhmY2ZFd2lvRWNHcllFL3FWU1pJdGwwNVRnRHd2ZFFEdDByY0liSXdpcm1PL01uVFlTUTBDK3o3L3BYN0ZyditzSzE2OGhhOXZpeGI1STlMOEpmTTlKdjJpNXlKaXJ2OElMR3JMNk4wanY%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(e9a93d7d32360692b65efa5bb28bd749).jpg)
“What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZTAwdWhNbFYrZEFqWE1IYlRvd21ZMUVDMXM5bnNnRWYxSUtOazYxdE92VmFJUEl0WklKWnFYejNBN1NJZmVDK0h0aGtWR3JvQzBuN0VRV1RkcDVidno0VmkrUnlvU2VKQ1FIRjJ6Q1pLNEhRPT0%3D/FUNNIEST+SHORT+QUOTES+EVER/(27eb4669c0125346eea32234985cd41a).jpg)
“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”