![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZm0rUmxQU1JpWHJrQ09iTm5IZEdUWkd0aW5sa3d3TUttamJHaDVodHd0RA%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(f0a7148afaca5b42ca3d12fb9d2072f9).jpg)
Here are 25 funny quotes:
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMOFRVYU4wRFNBeXpadTJBa1VkdU5mZUUvZm1DMUowMGM4YUE5dm5JZW5jMFVld2o0RUNqLzlIcmVWaUo3eWVPazJqLzFKREpoaFhES3MvNS83UFR3TGRQZ3RjQ3ZJSG5Cbk5DTzJ6K3Q5M21hR2ZGM3dkTUIrN01heGR3eTNwUFJCVFhhNkdVMVpPNktWRnNQN3FCcG04PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(a6a3d244e71ef91e9f18586fbc68ff6a).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteGVVazRVSFV4S1BJNGtUL3dJanhPbTFqVzA0SHhaTHVMcEdsTTlkVVNiNnFzZ0JpcnVncHIzN1dWNjJySGppTmRQWTFFdjFkM3U1eENxY0c4bTdES2xBaGRrTDVsa20wWTh1cm15a3lJUVlBPT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(1691307f778350fd706e8775a4e4eecf).jpg)
“I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aVVrNmUxUFdZMG5Lb1VOK1hqcUYyWmF1SnRsbmZWOTBYdGkvelF5YlM2ak5heUIxZGQ1eHQ5U1NPeENGSm43cTdKM0xtcmd2a2FmUFVGempQZnFIUWV1Tm10cithTUQxa1FFU25aUXdvemNpYU42K3pGdldIQ2lYNkNFc0g5SWtBPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(41b5e05780735a1616e44321d1d9067f).jpg)
“I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZkw0SVdKUEF3YlZIMlZuRXZHZW5rektJMm80V29pNGhvRFV4WTNWSGNZQjRSN2pEamNPWTBmaFJaTlB2RmxsV1dRNUp0U3orSUR2R1R0TDZSR20vTjBnPT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(f568d92f87557243f7510d2e817039dc).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M0dQWHA4ckNMSzVCTHhEVXVpYVMzYURlZWRMMUkyUlFxQXYxSmpTalQ3V212VTg4WTNyTSttQzUwLzIwUFN1RGsyWlBXNE1Uak10RFJSYXFrWDBFb0VRPT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(f217d861d33c20a57f9e4f17dd46ca37).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWJNRHg2cnR3czN2YnV3Ui9rSFFjM1RLb2dZWnI0OEM1MzRxbUhIOGcvczdWNWxFYTlUOFp2b1A2RldLVGt6cU41aHgwS09uWS82dmJvdGM5MXArQUJpSzNpTzR5YjZOVytNVzN5bWFZdjBBPT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(4c2dc6bdb8898fe7ad9d144e885e3672).jpg)
“I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZFViYU5MbGRVa0FNNWZuMTFUR2FFTlc1UkhKYU1DTU45d3pxRkFkSVp2eWxLMmtuUEk0SHRBSDVadnBkMTdzdjRFTkdPR2V0TWhBc3gyOUEvSFowQW42aFFZeklSZ1p4T1hucExneHBOTmRNdmpqbTZydEYxWFdqcmF4eVBDYWxyUlBwSFdFMUNqNHFCVGN6YW15bFZTampacDQyWW1ndUsrancyOHk3MGJsUT09/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(0c7753724fa44f96ff12f946c0a32553).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVEl4U1ZwT3lsT1RmZmoyMzFtcGNZWFNyNFpEYWJha3RjYklXZGRSRTlpb0VPTGpVbXZmNGh0c1AzWWVtc3l4Q1NRTk5IaThGYWpGQXVSYzl5RkZYRW9DdDRqdXNKQ2loL1JvRU0wVXZrVXk5M0dSakRiYlowaTdvWEFJcmxCZ09PK3hBQi95K1E5T0dKeEd3N0tpaDBUVzkybzczclVjZW5YYkxzN29zS3FCY2dhd1QvR3N2ZnhGSFhKUjZkenB4QT09/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(854444ea2c1a475e710e691f9ce30a63).jpg)
“I always take life with a grain of salt… plus a slice of lemon… and a shot of tequila.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aVBid3hNanFBSmJxOTlNWG5jTVJyZFl5K2pHb1A2aG5TTXE2Qzh5SjhNNVpDNmtFQkF6d0FKWW5QSTBoeWVWSUEwdW0vRDk2L2dMdm82MjlpWnhlU1M0cTFneXJoeWZVMkZXUndBbHFjWFBLTVJsNkFyRStkUjRwN2dHOVRTdVdZPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(e315b7b5f0b992f5989ed0e28dd6d96e).jpg)
“I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVThEbExPeHlOTEIyRkN3TzNBaTI3MnlaMGRXVU9IUUtlb1doU0ZSMlFNUmFncDd2V2NjaHpuMkM5Y2N4RFNHOVFnc2VQYno3QVloc1F3R3Jab0h5Sy94RWU3QWEreHFxMWgwVytQcUM1VnROMHQyMFFWSUNGRjk3ME1QWHJsY1AxYmpHMGErNnc2YzQxVkFoZXJMSkR1U2YvUUUwalNjMDdsUXppTFdHVUhxUT09/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(b78e16c9420e83dcdeed4953c830ab5b).jpg)
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYlgwMHBRbTdTeElSRlRZWGhyNHpxTXNzYzVwR2ZYbVMrUm9XdVF1alhaSEw5MEVjelhMa0Zzb3JPM05TYWVSS3Z4bTZHeU9GNHlJUWpjRjgzdGNKN1Znek9iMnlXSkdiV1B0SldzbGYrbE4%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(0d2a53284bc21c2e519c871731e8d53d).jpg)
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZGp6T09aRFByOTQ1K3hGWW5pemlUazdrcHZMcFdKamJvenZzQUN3TU94aldGQ2paYktmR2luUW5jRGtQdFRoeSswR2lpQXdNYlhlWi8wSXd1TDVIQlVTcnJEWU9mdDJwdzBRK3B4MExNSGc5TmlBa1pVYnd5ZjhveDl0L0EyZmJBPT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(ebb0de21ed1d744d9423a9e3e4925799).jpg)
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDaW5vQy85T2ZzWmNwdXRneUNkK2tUdVl1MjBQdTVkZWNLbjA4MFlkRWJ2SHJ1S3lnd1VNKzBIcXBoL3hOMXRwVEprZFVSZGQ5SkFhU2RKcW93OVBjZ2dGY1hON25zUU9pMlN1QSt4V1RmUDRJYklhUDgwaDNaZ1JYTklRMmt0VHVXK1Y0U2tQU0k4azNGWXNGUkNpQldpVGNHOWJ3NEdSdWVhcDNKaVEvVnBlWU5oelBYUGpHZkkybC8rMXJHRi9ENlpKOFFzQjlMM0RvYXc4bytNbStZVw%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(16ddfaaef8d55eb20b7e0cf7c41d6f18).jpg)
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” – Mark Twain
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2dPWWVZcnZxOUdMcXpTZnJnSW5TMGhkbEFGb1dVeUVuMmZtcE1KWXlqSnNJNTUrRjFxWGxTZWFxOTlFUUlVaFlIM3NRV2JPQzhlbms2ZFNSSkF3LzNBWjdXZCtBVUlTTWo0c0JsSFJZTzZCTEFJWk5FYkRIdy9qZDRWSFB3TXJUUUR1TjhDWklwR3JjVXpmdnhZLzJIQUNOSU94TitDc1ZVa0FiYnh3UmRqajhQeGI0L2tiQVlpT21Ma2hCZ2h3NERXcHpFSndxVTlRTWlpRzFYVk9jOTB3cGFONVJNcGtTVFVaaHF6UUdUWFQvVkpmSUxaRVdhbklVeW8xbDZjVFE9PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(47e6f7f99b3e0ce1d9778447672e8585).jpg)
“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFelVwUmVpcHFqdFQ0VkhpbGlvWkdlRk83RENramRNMGNXV3ZxU1oxRko5OUtsOXc3THF5Q0E3aWRDNTFnQ0F0NEQzSGNoRDhsL3hUUTJqUUU1MU1GSDRYYVNlRnNkcGF3VzBudGxDZms4N1RVV3RYTHdnUWhCRzZ3eEo5R2F1djZZPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(f0e073706d6441b082d992dfced483c8).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzMEZKVW50TW54dDBhblVKeVRPek9qdkVzUXZoVGdSeTdYRTJ2Uk9LNDd4b2tsWFJPZDJZRndWNWJQZ1RpN2ViTkNpZVhqYmQ4amZoYzl0ZjBVRlpTWGhmZlVRU2NFYlNWM09xMlg3L2FLdnJSUy9jVmRmYkEzVDBkZFl3T2VPdlByekV5QzVJcm5lQ0d4OFBkRkFjallGQzZVazlDMVVQL3FjU2N2UDllZmhPNG9FK3Zma3k3WitVTzhCSEowaTRaSkk0YS94Q0pHMU15dDNHZVZSOU4zMA%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(7b405b377b14c7cc73a291182ae51bf3).jpg)
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?” – Scott Adams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZFlaZ1ZuM1VERFZCMWJuWWVLWDkvTFNRM1FERGE4TTlhS3p2bHF1UHVJSGlRUXhlN21JWmdvK2tvc01HKzRMcDBwclZaVmpybmxDdVcyT1dUd0tsZm1YWHhMbTBWZEpMNmlMOU1tdWFuek5jamZmajFXQTFCbTBMcHVZa3Vpc1VVPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(fc2e3060299f5445310279ab4142dea4).jpg)
“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY0JrOURQZFBUdHFKMFFOTUEvVDV6eTBmTUl3TmRHdjBEVXozeW5CYkttMkZIMFI2V3pST0ozMjlVay83Qk5uWUk0TjBFU1BJelZrK2I5L2piTFVIcTQ4OFY3SERGNTJhb2N4cTE1ZWlnK2wxR1RvMElvTm04MHozbTI5Z0FBeC8zRC8wYjRabU1ycUNXdlVOSFV5bnRYZkVKK0FkRE1RQ0N6UnIyNUZXcDlI/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(303a97eda8058787782207078b72b3fe).jpg)
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” – Douglas Adams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlA5UFp3aWc3QWVFZHdrQUxqY2hzNlRKcGpqVlprV1RQYVlVNTdvTmRlSk40MDNheG1HUWYxZ2M4WFlGSmwzUndJRWt4elN3NHlyTTZYQnVTek94SUEwd2czQTREbFZuUnBkN2FCTStpT3NUazlHbXdub3pWakd6WjZySDVUZ1ZPQjUvUUc2NFk2ajFFWE1oRmVRd1FlZXYweE9RVHJpd3V5bFUxSXFha0FMOWRBMEJhbVBOQjJZZFFXbGNmTXE1VT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(81e1588a4c2e044670ee808c550350de).jpg)
“I’m not saying I’m Batman, I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYUQ3WUhkSHkyS2ZlczF3cXQrN3c3NW90aEFycTdYQVV4UmVubTBYcGdYMjEyaDVMQnkzZHN3aTg1ck1FcU55ODVaVFQvbWwrc3NDd1dETjhzL2g3KzZuWUp5N0RMM0lSRE1OVUlyQ0RrQlk%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(69b7d8a7b3e4a0ffdd6c7e3b4d8aab70).jpg)
“When nothing goes right, go left.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0tOR21CT0FGNk45NWkyNHVIUXpOTUxmOHk2NXR6TnovcHFYY1QwMlhDRzAvbDlPdFl0MXYrUlhncFVEcVJCV2I2UTJCd2FwZnNFaXVWUGVKbVh0d2dHZXpFdjM4MGk1S2ZoMTdOLzN3KzFhLzJSeU1TWHc3dExhdWhjakRBV3kwPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(ec178b46ac626edcab4b3cae62489d56).jpg)
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZVVha0ZRc0M1WmFyZXZiVFJaa3EvUER6QnFFaUJIdEwvMSswdXRYUVhpNFpMM2pPeEJ4OWwyY0dnaG5zQWkwMkFDZWhLZ2lkUW1YMG1sWUtyZGRkVXlzZWxFNjM1Tzdka1Jycko3SG5CUGVVU1pKblNBKzA5VzhoZ0hZbFRXbndkb2dVV3RQOTZjK2wyWlFQc092TlpmaEgrU2x1U0tPWHhFdzNhSFJ6a3Iv/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(22c0aaf89aa13aaf55043e83432eaf4d).jpg)
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVjFOaWlaZVVQdmxaQ3dJVXVLVHdldzRCNlBpM0psbVpvTDdqelJ2N3FYVkMwQ3B0S00yVGJUUzVmaVAwS2tSZjR0RHR5aWplZjZEYnBKQzBHeHRDeEdHbFZNMEE2MUl3TUtEUFUrVk5mSlQ3eW9DN0V0R1dSRXdrdTNvYjB0Mm5RPT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(8bad362a2b72cb6d86ff2219164189da).jpg)
“My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYzg0aG1lK1hiVjhDYmtVZ0VVRFk5YVd2MHJaYnNyNDRPcFNSSWNJSXd5S3FHN05EcWtmWXZlaGxRb3I5eUtXNUdUQmNHVUQ5UklINk1ITTFkeWN1QXBHMTA5a0UyU1BDT05UcVR3U1V4cnV5R2ZBNGNwNGUvSU5sczhFUkRxdG9RPT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(9cc34213533954c51f06b5a76868efff).jpg)
“I could be a morning person, if morning happened around noon.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUhtam5XalBwQTFwYWFjRGpFRlhMbmcxTU5ORUI1MFB0eS92cU5uQkRIMXJENW9MMjVPenhIV2lXdFBwSTQrTnRPR0ZPYVc1VC9tSW4zNHN4Um8yUHQwdGpTT2RxczVMWWIycTVyZkFCTHVTQUY0Szh2SFE4VVhuYXV5cW9OUFFVTlhza3djNWZJZ2xkU095b3dzeU13PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(2f9d44429e703ad2fc93b4694c2c7f79).jpg)
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU09LQWNvQ0QvOXZWTmVmRWxNYjkxZXA4c0dldkJpWVZMR0IxNjFtOFFIZ1BpbXBXQUtlcWdBUGJXblN0cXc4ZmppV3ExRGRSc09tVWJ5dHJ0Z2VzNWlKSExCaXpabmZKc1ZDYUtVZW1YVUU%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(95d20900c9edaee05ee9117633993607).jpg)
And here are 50 more quotes: BEST QUOTES TO SEND YOUR GIRLFRIEND
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdML0toRmdDRVl1NjNBVitXdU4xa21HU1ovd3NQaEdFU1pUT3BjcGh4NjIzMllzbEg2UHVPUlp6L1UxeUpPTm1ZR2xJOXVrbkxaRnVjdVc5aVVkWjVteGdpQWVXS0wrT2NEQkx4YTZyTGM3VHFTY2dtV1BIemtvNmpFSHpxT1IzWUIyY1ArRUlOY1hyajlnWXdOY1MzMnFrPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(dd47eaa0308c3189185db5cad9d849bf).jpg)
“I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0xjNmVWVlBIUDhhWE85UmNaQ1ZkMUowVXI3RDZMTlZCQkJPaUJwM04xOVBSTG5YTTd0WC9mSGc4dkthRWpqM0EvRm9qc0FyV29KSENKdmpjTjVZQ3VpdGE4bXVPOURxdkd0UzVoZFluZyt3PT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(ecea2f72b8431fbd4f61e6ba92b84bd8).jpg)
“I’m not a nerd, I’m just smarter than you.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYVJXaGxkdER6KzhMQjhGYW91REhvYVJkUjZsUUpnRTlQTmllL0NBeGNjMnArSlhYMkxZenl5bHI3TmwvSlNHczlTNk51K0kxS2lDckwrVnpwV0IwTk0rUWV0ZnViSGpNem93K0R0U2JFNE9mUE9QMDZUK1JWRytNQ0dKMTEwZ0d3PT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(133b4259f4989b0524de4ae709c97d0c).jpg)
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUjQxN2pUVmhYM044N2Q4WEp1TG5CN01scTUrcXFTUklFUGVyWFVpclhWUUZwQlA2dXU0YzFDaUhpeWFCek4rUCtWS1NuNm13dzFXNjliNzUxQjZIUVhpQXU3em1yWFd6RW00NjNMNDZyZlRtOHZ0djVJbTgrL1dBYWx3QS8xQVkydE1CNVlZNHJzbDNuR0c3eXVXV1BubU9tY1RrT1dZbnpPTGZyS1RXY250TVFqZlFZQzBtVkFOVDNoRXQ0dGlzOTVvWlJPRmFMYnNGUUtuUWhsWjZ5eDRrZ3ZxeXNTOTNjU3piN291SEFzMw%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(c925d49fc721df54950f419ae578d3ca).jpg)
“I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a ‘cell’ phone.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY3NXNExFNjNiMWs5UDlKOVJyZlVUcjV5RFdPeXdiNUQwMnh5NXdNd1ZtVXloeG5DMXVhM1RaVnl3NjBvRVpEdmJxWlFNbEhVU2JoTDhrcWRGTzA1S1VYdVFXalR6RlhVS1dlNmZBcWJKUEVnMkZLd0JqSDRDWlFIZVZMK250d0ZxSC9udllQc1RWWklFL1U4YXErbGV3PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(4e23802fab3949f02cb7b1050653254d).jpg)
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY0FlWjlFeUtrNG90TXJHeE9xaCtTckZTT2Q0Vnl5ZFhaMWdreHp2WWJwbHU3SDBOLzhoRUxYcEZDeXM3SmRPOGJmMWlnbFpuTWoyT2pGOU5zNzhVMlcyUHlkWTVNS0tnSEV2NnkyM2hXTWFpN29hdXQvZHl0ajc2Z0wzMTVUYlZ3PT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(455f364c8eac736f78ab2e02a8435e25).jpg)
“Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDUzQnRMVGFUT1FGYmp3TnIvTXNKMEQzUFFzRXA5dWdvZk13N3ZGbGJDR1RyUUw5M0lwakxOYWlPNm5Cd0x1Z2ZJYm5XcGxYN3F6TzljYTFyN2lZYitvYktmMjdnRmhjaW9adS9udjFHQklkUllpSEY3aGg3RFIzZlozWFVSSEJNPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(0793dfc7180e11389dc882cd22e26d8c).jpg)
“I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXN0cHFIUk1KWCtGVk5oa2VxNG9vcUNxZW5DK3h2NXNLTlFWYkdUK1NBdXVlWUVuc0tvNmpxbXJ5VzFZOFBrNStESWRXM2NwNEhXa09rMHhDckhrTTdpUEdTSkRjQm8zRVRMSHd2ck1WMmNkb0VlVERyTjlWM2pvUTBwa2RXQjZ5alpFdWFNTndSMDNDb2Fhb2tSSG1mWEJGbkJOZDVRYVNFOHJCVFYycG0r/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(35243e8cdae118a5e63a19183c6b81f2).jpg)
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZnRrRGdkVGhOSC91OWZONkFOajlMVm02elNLYW83akZyV0dLWVYrK3l1bzYvZExtdEJ3NDdWcGZTdThtU241NTRjOC9DUUU2S2tCSXlNZ2FEZnpnVDBnPT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(0a78cced52ccb267e08b0616f258aa2d).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUS9aekRQZWhFS1pKUW00WDVvZFQrVUNCR3UzbmpISkhBeEJIWDVZQm5rMmd6aXZaU09yTGg5RzhWMHhTalF5L21mOWlWVGxQbnBqbS9lYkluWUV4ZHpCeUdWRWFyYUMzankzSUd3UkRFTHdjc0ZtYk5FNnBYeUcyekMvTitGNVZnPT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(567766e4489f162e4d2449e484b82bbe).jpg)
“My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUlMOW5ZRFJucjZlRGZZMnN5SC9vL2N2VXcwaGEzOHV6b3h2d3ZVMGY0YjhoOUhuamZVM3pHdXJ5c3NoNklCb0NXb2NoZlJWTHFkMU5JWlQzbW5LTk1IVkgyUGRzK0FPQmFncGdWSkZCVWZ6VFh1bzFOU0g4djhtdTRzQWZIYmJoQ21Ib05VcTZYdDR4WGI3NGlneEJ0L2krbTFGY3l6SVozemVWd0tCZUx5/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(a59bd95b317853397c3af9938256c3e0).jpg)
“If Cinderella’s shoe was a perfect fit, why did it fall off in the first place?” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDJPY3M0bGhCODlzS01pdHlQM3JDS1Zuak5qRlZTNkpiRzdaNDhnbUEzdEJhaE1mYjQ0OTg4WjdoNjRWejM0TVkyUGpEZ0lCcmhjSTlFNG9tS2dQRWxGdVkrNDFzalhmanFWK0xzdXd5MGo3d1NFWkwwSDIzTG5xbU5rbmpkSlFPU2tjaDQrcHdSNWkwWWdGNURrZW5QUjVyZGRrd3dKQWxXTWFab3dIWVlqYnZWRmNRVzIrM2FZVXg1WUpnWitqQT09/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(877d319840d16c87760a339b7b6ee6e5).jpg)
“I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDaThBWXVPYmJuQUlnUnp1d3hnMXFMODlkaE41WUp5bmE3SHo2dXptYjJlaTZoUGlwbkh4YzRCTmxVdWM5M2J6a3VGN0dLQm5QUG1QcXBpZ3l2Q0syM2xETUkzNGtSRkV2OUJyRkxBUlFoR2Jocy9LUzgrakkvZG5rZDZaL25kVnhFdERJbmNQYkRjek1Gb04yWnhYWFI5/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(99112954b1d9b4c2df801c2e2a2d547d).jpg)
“The only difference between a pizza and your opinion is that I asked for the pizza.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0tOR21CT0FGNk45NWkyNHVIUXpOTUxmOHk2NXR6TnovcHFYY1QwMlhDRzAvbDlPdFl0MXYrUlhncFVEcVJCV2I2UTJCd2FwZnNFaXVWUGVKbVh0d2dHZXpFdjM4MGk1S2ZoMTdOLzN3KzFhLzJSeU1TWHc3dExhdWhjakRBV3kwPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(ec178b46ac626edcab4b3cae62489d56).jpg)
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Zzl6VWdrNllHa3F6L2xFM3lqbFpOVlBlSVFPQ1k5KzdZTytIRDE4cDVrMUJITHl5RTk1K1AxcEtjcXdWSTV0YVppb0RIZjdWblpINmN6ME5LVi9aaU9pMzhldjdoekhnWkNmNExxQk1XMVlBPT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(d05b1fb707011e9327693c86c56815c1).jpg)
“I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY1hxVEd6YnpUVG1oRFJiTEE0dkFMMFZHTW51VUZ2ZmtWUmtiQmdPeWZrdEYwbzAxdEVDMklXUlJCQWRNWklLK0d1VWJEN0t0bGtWWndTaGx2ZDdTRm0xNFhYNVhTeUN4NFdWbDhRWjlIOVNRNXRTYWJUd2xWWDBObW5MbzJlQnU2c1dkeVhJejUranVKbENBcFlLOTJrd1cxSndGbDcxYnBSS0lvYlN1cXMrUT09/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(5441054a40e34b2065eecd434f85c29c).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, it’s just the floor hates me, tables and chairs attack me, and walls get in my way.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjRkWGZHN0VDK2Z5S1BxeUVyeVF4QWh2TUNCRnp1OWZNM0gydXA5TDk3akd6YWdrd2JjUmRwdWU0dGZKSWRmTlh1ZjNWSjlsc0dsWm5PUjZrNXhhQmlFbW5FQ1BSMHVaaS9NbFJIQWpZZEg3ZmZnQ21TS2FpdDRDRkJBaDJkaFYrZkoxNjExdnNTYS9MeVFXMEtsUXFJPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(3532f701bc8e0d60ecb2aa7fa148a6d3).jpg)
“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUjhINThUbmxNTk9ucDFQeUxsZm9uaCtuNzR0M1I0VFdLWmlsb2ZiT1RUNTNwL2tUeFZoLzJUS0kwV000OGQycnBsWmgva1RKMGNKTG5sdXlrbWJzL1FxU0RFN1llZWh5MHZrbE0zMHNmUXFhMXNXQlNDZFFXaUFKcVpYUDYyajE5Q3UzaTVEU21NU3BkWnVKSjA4dnRnPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(e457b0f4f494a19cd5a32221c99349e5).jpg)
“If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkphZWxiSUVyWlpBOUVTUSswejl4bXQ1eUg2SC9NdExDb3NMcVZoRE1WN1ZaMmlWQ1BNR1BiQm5aOXJ0TEdTWXhCRlU3SzhnRVlYdE12Ums3N0RrVXBEVjJNdG5TVWkwNjRiMnFtRzN2Umc2NWFxKzZxdHFLZU9sOFFjQTRuSnY0PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(8913c553730f81bb03fec7d10fba8e2f).jpg)
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU2szd0ZDejB1bHkwRnMzUzlYV0ZqSjhGelJ4V3RzcWRyTXcyT2x1YTY3dTVvZ0lsZ3lESENhN2NBWVJDRVJMQVNuK2Zha3FLSzNlNEw4cE9NMy9TK1ZXQXljdmF3emh6QVZEZWpZNmNqNlNKTHdWK0lCMUNYWFdQbThOYVJuVjNVWGdUOUxkbWgxdzFKQUJ4YnlzNUZEQ2pwQTFLWWVvQUxuN2c3NDhOdmdiM1BRSDlMZTdlM1NjVjRUUzA3LzNGRnlySjVSVmVlVGpjdDBjTFR6MUxlbz0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(d1205a46ff7475b9bf746a78197f7262).jpg)
“When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXN0cHFIUk1KWCtGVk5oa2VxNG9vcUxKVTdLeDdEc2xGYzNNbTFTc0YvWDNDV09pek5MeHpESkpyQmF4OUUvWDVxMXpwS0FLd3o4SHFQS0g2ejNmcGVGU2IrMWdVU2RTeFY5TXYvTXphUnBsYXZoT2puMlFxaTNoWE5pV1Noc000d2tqc25tdGdlSXlsU09nclY3N3ZiNzZGZGRRWDdHdEt3Mi9tRmx1MHUz/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(5921b33c79d8a3a55801b49f686a8345).jpg)
“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” – Hilarious Jokes
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVThEbExPeHlOTEIyRkN3TzNBaTI3MnlaMGRXVU9IUUtlb1doU0ZSMlFNUmFncDd2V2NjaHpuMkM5Y2N4RFNHOVFnc2VQYno3QVloc1F3R3Jab0h5Sy94RWU3QWEreHFxMWgwVytQcUM1VnROMHQyMFFWSUNGRjk3ME1QWHJsY1AxYmpHMGErNnc2YzQxVkFoZXJMSkR1U2YvUUUwalNjMDdsUXppTFdHVUhxUT09/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(b78e16c9420e83dcdeed4953c830ab5b).jpg)
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M0dQWHA4ckNMSzVCTHhEVXVpYVMzYURlZWRMMUkyUlFxQXYxSmpTalQ3V212VTg4WTNyTSttQzUwLzIwUFN1RGsyWlBXNE1Uak10RFJSYXFrWDBFb0VRPT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(f217d861d33c20a57f9e4f17dd46ca37).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWJNRHg2cnR3czN2YnV3Ui9rSFFjM1RLb2dZWnI0OEM1MzRxbUhIOGcvczdWNWxFYTlUOFp2b1A2RldLVGt6cU41aHgwS09uWS82dmJvdGM5MXArQUJpSzNpTzR5YjZOVytNVzN5bWFZdjBBPT0%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(4c2dc6bdb8898fe7ad9d144e885e3672).jpg)
“I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aVVrNmUxUFdZMG5Lb1VOK1hqcUYyWmF1SnRsbmZWOTBYdGkvelF5YlM2ak5heUIxZGQ1eHQ5U1NPeENGSm43cTdKM0xtcmd2a2FmUFVGempQZnFIUWV1Tm10cithTUQxa1FFU25aUXdvemNpYU42K3pGdldIQ2lYNkNFc0g5SWtBPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+50+QUOTES/(41b5e05780735a1616e44321d1d9067f).jpg)
“I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.” – Unknown