![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TUlZTV3EyL21rOXRFZ1JWVUErK2dwVVFPeWp3NkJ0dGY2OHMxQzBKZHFRVG5lc0IyKzJxQXgyQzVIM3RvWGJwMnBCdHFWWnVGSmpVVjdKV09YUzNuVCs%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(fbf7130970517e9c17d157aad6dd0722).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWnp2RnBlZGw5b25wdEltQmxFZXZUdmM4Qkc0aWxIU0thUUMzb1UxaFZuVVFaS1pXTVdsWDl5T1lVbmVGS1N6Q2F0Mzlsdm1NdFpTZ2lXb29NSllFNXp3d2kxaks3MXZ2cnVvRktmUlVzS0cvaitKcFdpNWNRZE1NRjMwb3dMN0t3PT0%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(c4a5e74279ee48c6c50e73bebf67db65).jpg)
“I eat cake because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aTlKNXhoeWhCNS9jU1hyQ2FLOHdJdy9oS1o2ZmJHb0ZqNTh4WmNjejh3dkRKUUFFNnV2djMwL2ErZmdZMDhERUxQRzgwOHVDWlJyYjh5MWZYejRnOGU%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(e389eadb3751ef2b0be58df7a31b3ab3).jpg)
“I don’t need an alarm clock, my ideas wake me up.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV0RXYVYwZjJlWGpleXVtTGJkWStTdE9WYUY4RHR2WkpFOE96SzhLcVRxU05hVDVRYW95TGd2bnkvSWlBMzhhUnViVzJjVU95TTZ6bWJ4WjFkUHU1M1N5QlNZUi9lSjJkNTUvSXpzR1o4K2VsRFdmVlpzRkhleEhPOUF4Qy9EM3FZZHNaUUcxRWVEWi8yQWNMQzhBQlo4PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(3f48b31d6abef8d71a689b8be4f05719).jpg)
“I may be a night owl, but I’m not responsible for the moon’s behavior.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZUxQMDU4ZG91MW1YY25RNGZONmxBVnBNR2tyQnlGZDZIVnhlV1o1bXA2eDBIbmptQkdXQ2Y2NklHU3ROSmJmQ2RwMnhmc2tBNlgyMmFKTUN4bDBNKzloTU9GRWxOYXRja0ZwMEc4Q0JVazBRPT0%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(78e74c26fee67f9cb1c7f9c7f7d03acc).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy; I’m just on a mission to redistribute gravity.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZmduVktsekE3MHEyWTlTSmhjWXJDOWFxc3Q3TGRCWTdBRkxtN3dubTdwSTc3WC83RnBseUd1MEw3Qnl2WmR4aHZXalIyMTkzS2htbjVBYUFnNi9QeGQ%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(963a290aa51fc9fc1e8d16d39caa0a6b).jpg)
“I’m not short; I’m fun-sized for your convenience.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVndJcktrbU1reU1oRUU2anBSZTBqbmsycUQwR1BMSmpLR3pZNlQrMVJPc2NTRzRiNkd6K3dodSt1ZklZMXZXOG1EbTlTNGp6QXJSck9CZDJQbGpvekFSS3lWa1M0UkR0KzBsYmVwWWtDU3pKbEY1bk1nenk3cE1LS0ZxUUdPY1B3WEN2NlhpQlZOdmtvQmFHNGczaHpBPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(3e26f4559d51828bceebbb8752998f34).jpg)
“I wanted to lose weight until I realized a pizza slice has its own gravitational pull.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWWlEOHlJZ09jQll2VW9iYzZTSUhybU1QdnoxWXE0TGo5ZzZrNHhmYjV1eGsvbG40QW95b2oybzZyNEVRWUc0MlYxWlY3cVQ5a1NpMU1QOGhZMEFHZmZKVUIvVkxWVGMzdXpUd3Q3U1RyNHRzL0p5TFRGeEY0Z1g5S3ZRd3JJS2tnPT0%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(40e8c87f8d3f0254abd3fba908574416).jpg)
“My hobbies include eating pizza, sleeping, and avoiding responsibilities.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVGoxWHVmWCt6Z1YyWmVaYXpRRjRtaTFZb29rOFpRa0N4cGpVUHdYZXMxeng2NUxXQzRxRTNCSUg3eVVPY1JCMGR3eXJrM1BGQVpMUmdmN0NGbFRrSDJNdjBUSnRxYTFtQUFic0xwdkNyeUltdWhmVHJKQkhoN2RvZlBRczhqcVR6TUZVN0VLNFVVQjJiZHZMb0FGUmZKM2V4Q1UwOFByVjlsdjJ0NnRmNFlL/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(ac7691e555b0aa61505e86640556ffde).jpg)
“My signature move is pretending to understand phone conversations when I can barely hear myself breathe.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUjVHNTczQVdhZTd3SEV2dmR1ZFlEQ2JuTUswdnBNdXlZWE04dXpubWsvTktOWWEvUkVvWFE5MTNkUEtuNzdpWFR6L2FrR1o4R3NFUHphekpyQzhrZEU9/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(96d99bd7b11ac9ec9d6b2c03e61c24f0).jpg)
“My favorite exercise is running out of patience.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVEt0VGsxWjZnSDZ3Rk8yUit0SVJrcEpVVUJlK0J4WUpoWUhSdVRlaWY2N0tVMVpjeVp1K2pYWVExRXlQQ29aWWRyM3NYTmJOaXFFNVp0VU9tRUZleFhFMHg5M0JNankyUEFlMkV2dU9iQUw5QlhJR3Jab3pmUEZUSkdILzIvNDR3PT0%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(7937bc280a0bceeca880e00623cf1831).jpg)
“I am not arguing, I’m just trying to explain why I am right.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z2EyemtBSmRuNTVXMENISklaaS80WEZsUDBUR0xjUWdwSjNJVTVhUEFkdVhPUndXdDEzRXFFdzdHbVRYWUdRdEtRWS9lcmRkQUF1azJVaUpBM1RsRFg%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(180cdc40b7e6937dc844290bf9a13c07).jpg)
“I don’t have a dirty mind; I have a sexy imagination.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDUzQnRMVGFUT1FGYmp3TnIvTXNKMEQzUFFzRXA5dWdvZk13N3ZGbGJDR1RyUUw5M0lwakxOYWlPNm5Cd0x1Z2ZJYm5XcGxYN3F6TzljYTFyN2lZYit6cTRRZW1OUHRWempMYnU4dEVPN1hnPT0%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(943857a8b67dc43ed23aaddee8df65a3).jpg)
“I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlA5UFp3aWc3QWVFZHdrQUxqY2hzNlRKcGpqVlprV1RQYVlVNTdvTmRlSk40MDNheG1HUWYxZ2M4WFlGSmwzUndJRWt4elN3NHlyTTZYQnVTek94SUEwd2czQTREbFZuUnBkN2FCTStpT3NUazlHbXdub3pWakd6WjZySDVUZ1ZPYjRrcDlzeDdJRzBpdzYyQ3FNYSs0VHVpcjMyT01RZEJKWW5hd042d0FMUT09/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(675085007653cc815fc579041ba02b8a).jpg)
“I’m not saying I’m Batman, I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room together.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWdpVklDL0pabmQxU0F2K1pNQzk1NVdwSHZTa1dZdDI1eVdKQjFUK2pQUVNXek1vdHYxOHFmQy9pNnBLSWJ5Q1BETVU4NjNDaTdtRFJ0YjV4QVJZK2V6Vkh0SGhtanROQ2lJclIwZkc2NHVBPT0%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(5307d30f42c8c348215d284f9e0df211).jpg)
“I don’t get older, I level up.” LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP QUOTES GOODREADS
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z3dubVFSa3pQYWtqV2h5RFh6WlpGZjBhZzcxdHc3dFgrSnViM1JacEgvWmdac1dVUE9sZjhCOWxxbWJmQVZqNXZYRVgwanhENGVnY2Q2V2F5dk9aelY2ZlJZMkdIZG1wRzJ1bUFCaW1rbDNQQnQyRUljZy94eWt5QTJqOVJMUkRRPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(9bd9282360d928a23a5048daf7ea564e).jpg)
“I don’t need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDEvYmFLUE16dW8yOHRWTG90V0RmRXRPZ3luM2dlM1Vjbm4xek96Y291VDFCaUVYVE1wYTdjQzRaU1N4c3RtSDlWUERkTE5KaTkrQWZDNXhXSExLTjNKYVBzTjJBbnA0Vy9mTjNHbE5yTnhBPT0%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(e679a2c6d0c8b945f3b5cc41ab3a1dcc).jpg)
“I’m not addicted to coffee; we’re just in a committed relationship.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlVLRE1oM05RcVl6NzRxd0NmSDBZSk1DbVdlV3hUeDU0TXlDSlJqcTk4eStEaTRNWHJSQW1STFVUakowRjZLOXRrNFNCZ2dpR3FTV1E2SkxybWFNK3VQMXppSXgvK2ZkV0ZJT0tDNFVCenhyRnkrU3R0UWVWaC83cDJoVjB6Y293PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(2ad74ca215607eaf68c720ed1c1e3742).jpg)
“I’m not scared of commitment; just give me a good wifi connection and I’m in.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZTJnc3N5aHg2NXlwT3oyTmV4SDVBRFo5Z1N4L3lsbW5jM0pTckNYdE9GMnZTR2x5SmpBamZaN0x2VDh1dzRMUzNaWE5saFk0c3k4S25oQnFGbGpyRlZHQUlUWXc1OTBQMmFBNHFDa3Nzb1NRSk9RR0Z6MTN3VmFDVUdzK3BWeVl3PT0%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(981018fa2c038915c2da1d9721b4f4cf).jpg)
“I only do cardio because it’s important to stay heart-attack ready.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M3FpbE4wRXd3YUVockl2MWpDK0dUaWJQVkgwNEl2RjdqS3pIOUtuenMzeTBCbW9wN20yNVpYNURuemZjUGFRTzE%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(ab9ab29a9b1d30250d06cebd305fb896).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWJNRHg2cnR3czN2YnV3Ui9rSFFjM0V1Y2I5RG5jOE0zOFZSeERpN240OVpBSzhXQkxLek5mZGNLcmpoOXEyY2x2OEh3Znh0aE0wdDU5MENLRTRLdGo%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(f116167b7ada381bfaeccb8b9b23b61b).jpg)
“I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV0RXYVYwZjJlWGpleXVtTGJkWStTdDRjUGxNeWJWenhNbzVzZE8vaUZiL3paWXlXN2V2blhMVDY1N0JndGFiM0VmM3FrU3RYZEphOUVrWS9HVzZOb3hidy9NQzJtVTJkck1vUEczalV5S1g3WmhiaTJhWlo5NGVtVUxhR2J2MzJZNTRYUnNxbFYzUjVadFJUM2lSU1NFPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(55087203882957b028ccdedd25b86092).jpg)
“I may be a garden variety human, but I’ve got a green thumb for procrastination.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZjRoZ09zNEFIMG1wVnVWdDVaNjg5Z0FjRVVYemh3aDZkOWt6bEVRMTVBd0ZsejkxaGpYcGRuTjV2UGxEZjhpWXZMc3lmNDc1djdmYUc3T0hDZkxIQlVmbzhDQ25uYmhmL24xNE55ZDRMZ01nPT0%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(c422c15a2a6d590f67f43e314dbbf44f).jpg)
“I’m not a pessimist; I’m just an optimist with experience.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZmxtcmNCdkxYZ3Y3WG4rbmtuV2FCTFpxSVhTdzhMWVhrU21WaTZYcFZsQVh3b3dJTVRPVE95Q21mRUV1bWVQSFhlOVBYRFQ2K1FLcWt4clJoeDlDS2VFTlhvVk9BOXBlMnFyRDR3ZEVTWm9nPT0%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(67333ab27b6a7c7710773b0803651f4a).jpg)
“I’m not fat; it’s just that gravity loves me too much.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVmEwVzVEa2RQaldNc2JWZkdMYU55K1lKOTRqd1RGM2dyTjZNeTNVTGExa0pQQkkxcXk2Y01Qa0U1QjJLbFFNQkd5cmJwVGNiN09mV1VaZk5VQlJpUHp0bk5YQUl5YnV0akhQSHI4N3A1cXVKYVZkbmJZZXhEZlpHOVZGSG85akJPWlRVbzFENnNNQkc2MkdSc2Z3OWtQODJ4cG1PRlJMYXVaRFd4dHBma2dnZGZiMEdESDdHTTZoYXRqKy8zUHArQ0JQa2I4WjRkL2JZa3dwZzJqbVdJbz0%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(65e1d931e17464eae09c8a0594859cd0).jpg)
“Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, when you judge them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVndJcktrbU1reU1oRUU2anBSZTBqa1Z0ZGU0NXJ4WndnazFRR0NQY2cxWXZGNjd2OCtDTEpjS01ESmNPMmdMUlVqMElVYkpNU1VRbk9hZktXcGV2OVBWdFEzRVRzQkh6TEMrUmNlVFlnYmxlcERCc3NCLzNzYlNwL1E2bGhFdTFMaGxOeWtIc2wxMTZhSTVzQzVrQmF3b29vN1h3RVNNQ2ZPK0N6dlI2dUpN/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(6f7112251992d9b1508cbba8c4c43587).jpg)
“I wanted to be a poet, but I didn’t have the right rhymes. Now I just write cheesy jokes sometimes.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVmpBa0Z1d1VTYVhybUFib0Jrb0VlMGExL1FabDlpQnk1TzExWC90MlN4SmpRUS9zUkJ1S25Id1MxRk9QNzJzQmhXY3JEbitzTlJqNEk1ZU5JQTZPSUFCWWNJQkozRjVZWjdsK1dqa3NXN1E%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(71384ed453b6dcf25871c24cc5e57dfa).jpg)
“I brake for donuts, but I don’t go to work out.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZGhKL0pWLzEyeXdhS203d1g1TEZ2UTF1YlVLZGUvNk1aR0tIcm5MNktyRHZiSnhFYTJmWkNWVFNCOGVWcGpzZUZFT0lQVTNKcnIzYmV5YWs2di81WEM%3D/FUNNY+AB+QUOTES/(bd8f2ba9527c27301898631fea518efc).jpg)
“I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.”