FUNNY AND INTELLIGENT QUOTES

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.” – Bertrand Russell

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes

“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.” – Steven Wright

“I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a ‘cell’ phone.” – Unknown

“Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.” – Unknown

“My doctor told me that I have a drinking problem. So I got a new doctor.” – Unknown

“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” – Albert Einstein

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown SHORT DADDY QUOTES FROM DAUGHTER

“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.” – Unknown

“I don’t need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown

“Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.” – Laurell K. Hamilton

“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” – Lana Turner

“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.” – Terry Bradshaw

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” – Mark Twain

“Cauliflower is nothing but a cabbage with a college education.” – Mark Twain

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

“I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me. ” – Noel Coward

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

“I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.” – Unknown