FUNNY APPROPRIATE QUOTES

“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

“There’s no such thing as a stupid question, unless it’s mine.” – Unknown

“I’m not shy, I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.” – Unknown

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.” – Unknown

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown

“I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.” – Unknown

“I don’t go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.” – Unknown

“If there’s no chocolate in Heaven, I’m not going.” – Unknown

“I always carry a pen in my pocket. You know, in case someone has a pen emergency.” – Mitch Hedberg

“When nothing goes right, go left.” – Unknown

“I’m not clumsy, it’s just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.” – Unknown HOW TO QUOTE THE NEW YORK TIMES

“I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.” – Unknown

“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” – Don Marquis

“I’d like to live like a poor man, only with lots of money.” – Pablo Picasso

“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.” – Unknown

“I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me.” – Unknown

“If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.” – Unknown

“I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.” – Unknown

“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

“You know you’re getting old when you bend over to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.” – George Burns

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Unknown

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” – Unknown

“I don’t always study, but when I do, I make sure my parents see me.” – Unknown

“Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott (The Office)