“Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson

“Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.” – Anonymous

“Christmas is one day when it is okay to wish ‘Bah Humbug!’ without being judged.” – Anonymous

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas, with a note saying ‘toys not included.'” – Bernard Manning

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loudly and off-key for all to hear.” – Will Ferrell, Elf

“My wife sent me a Christmas card saying, ‘I love you more than ever.’ I replied, ‘Just wait until after the holidays!'” – Anonymous

“Christmas is a time for remembering traditions and realizing you have outgrown most of them.” – Melanie White

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson

“Do give books—religious or otherwise—for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.” – Lenore Hershey

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries Not Included.” – Anonymous QUOTES ABOUT THE SPACE RACE

“I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ every other song. And that’s just not enough.” – Bridger Winegar

“Anyone who thinks that wrapping gifts at Christmas isn’t important has never had a child come down on Christmas morning and be unable to open them.” – Anonymous

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.” – Victor Borge

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Anonymous

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day.” – Andy Rooney

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde

“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller

“I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up. They have no holidays.” – Henny Youngman

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller

“The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature.” – Andy Rooney