FUNNY BOOK OF MORMON QUOTES

“I have a burning testimony…and I think it’s just a UTI.”

“I tried to read the Book of Mormon, but chapter 1 was a lot to handle. I mean, do the Gold Plates really need an introduction?”

“I asked my Mormon friend if she’s ever met an angel, and she said only when she looks in the mirror.”

“Did you know that the Lamanites actually had their own dance troupe? They were called the Strippling Zoroasters.”

“If Nephi had a Twitter account, his handle would probably be @NephiTheSeer. #BrassPlates #FamilyDrama”

“I went on a mission once, but all I converted was my shirt size at the buffet.”

“Is it just me or does the Tree of Life experience sound a lot like a psychedelic trip?”

“I asked my Mormon friend if she’s read the whole Book of Mormon, and she said she’s waiting for the audiobook version narrated by Morgan Freeman.”

“Why did the Nephite go to the orthodontist? To get his Liahona retainer fixed.”

“They say prayer can move mountains, but my Mormon friend knows that tithing can move her bishop to tears.”

“I heard the Brass Plates were actually just an early prototype of the iPad. Joseph Smith was way ahead of his time.” 1 YEAR COUPLE ANNIVERSARY QUOTES

“What did the Nephites say to the Lamanites during a basketball game? ‘We’re gonna slay you!'”

“I’m not saying the Nephites liked to party, but I heard they invented glow sticks during one of their festivals.”

“I asked my Mormon friend if she believes in ghosts, and she said ‘only Kolob-tergeists’.”

“Why did the Nephites never win at charades? They couldn’t keep their secret handshakes a secret.”

“They say ‘families are forever,’ but sometimes I wish they were only ‘every other weekend’.”

“I asked my Mormon friend if she’s ever used the phrase ‘I’ll do anything for the celestial kingdom’ as a pick-up line.”

“I tried to read the Book of Mormon, but it turns out ‘prophecy’ is just another word for ‘spoiler alert’.”

“I heard the Nephite warriors were so fierce, they actually used a Liar Sword instead of a Lightsaber.”

“They say ‘choose the right’, but I think ‘choose the left’ is a valid life option too.”

“I asked my Mormon friend if she’s ever seen the golden plates, and she said ‘only when she went shopping in Sephora’.”