![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZGZ2a2lZMzVwQlltTEZ4WFc4UFd0WnNBQzQxbmVJTkRtKzZwMUg4UTdDVTdEQisveDROWXlEQUJkWmVGT1Q0SU1QL1kzNWJMUFRVd2VoY3ZzUnc0SzB0ekhrcUJGYkFlblg1OUkybk1HMDM%3D/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(76223324c27bf8754c99a5b9641efad5).jpg)
“I have a burning testimony…and I think it’s just a UTI.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMVERmR0RGb3VYcG5BeW5mOE1FU1hKdlNPT1plOTFxdHp6TytsUzRZc2YvbU9BbHFWM3RIQTQ2bVg3SlVHR2F0TWF3RU9pZVpNUVRMZlhTb29UVURqcklFQTFUbkJOcGRaaUFRcVhCbDZ1YkU3L2RxbFRWZXNZcTNjemdpK3B4dXBZamdXMVNwaWg3enkyVWJpbDloQm1Wa0k0VFd2ZC9kdDZDRVZzUlhsTmlmZz09/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(43440508854b38fafd161c4a574aa95d).jpg)
“I tried to read the Book of Mormon, but chapter 1 was a lot to handle. I mean, do the Gold Plates really need an introduction?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVnozQ3dZM1pGRk5BOWdWNjVBQkFVNzdUbFAvdVoxamhpQlJxbU1qOHNCTVJaTGlvajRFNC9yRlNnd0t0U08zTW5XdHZXVEg1Z2lEQTh1QXY3a1RJT1hWUUhseG5IcjFxeFBHemFEZytqT05jTi84eUw1T2xFM3MvL0Z4NlYxQStaN3BXbGJKdWxqM3pZbWpaa0RwUVUv/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(d3d6c932d9a2fab5c4b805a6fff98bfc).jpg)
“I asked my Mormon friend if she’s ever met an angel, and she said only when she looks in the mirror.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWnM2dkJoUThLTUlRbTRqNnRQMm5QSHhxcHBNcW9qOTljRWVOVkJiK28wQVorVExGOEpmeUFHSjVjYjlXTGpFWDl3RTh2Um51ZXREYzNRb2hRTGtHTDR4MHF3T1VTQUxkYm1UME1neTVBdTRkM2xDQmxGaU9kODJtdjk0R241dVBTblAwL3JQRkRZRUR5UXBGa09Ub1dWTjFUYVRRNXhaWTlWVFRGUnRkMWE2/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(c2c6429308d16aa4f8a3d787eab0090b).jpg)
“Did you know that the Lamanites actually had their own dance troupe? They were called the Strippling Zoroasters.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZmlKUExqSVdac1J4NmI2ekJ0NmN2Q3dlYWRGS2VQS2k1ZzR1eDI0WkdUMWxKaWRpYng5VlJSdEdndUxQZnM1MUp3MUowSytSeWxQejRTVWlEUGx1R00rMkdZMSthSmpGTEdrdlF4c2F5Y0xZSjdLNytJVFF4QWNIajk0bE9tbFFIV01ES1MxRFNvaGI1UVN5NEVYNzdaaWN3emVMMlBETS9zdkFPNHVLeWdC/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(9673b8d4643b1ce9b971fe5fa463fae3).jpg)
“If Nephi had a Twitter account, his handle would probably be @NephiTheSeer. #BrassPlates #FamilyDrama”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVBXR2FKTEVwSFllcUY4bDRxTW9xL20zMlM1QTRHa05tNGUyeWVuemtwVUdUbjlDNm5HQXhjSEUxdjZGUC9sak1EQTZzWVNZd05yL1lDd3hHaC90STZrTW83cXd6eG91LzUvZkJKWkYzUngrQ2xBank4cFg3RE1mWGM2ZUV6RlRnPT0%3D/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(3dcf0ace2b41fe698587d36da33f4825).jpg)
“I went on a mission once, but all I converted was my shirt size at the buffet.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWWZwaDREbXJWU0syT0pzS3VGSENuTC9ZbXFDZllSb2tsRStpUHhOTmNYUWtOR2RqNDErS2JPSHpRaFhpUGxJNGNMOEFqcWozYXZ4UklHVUFtTWc0QmlPY1BKS2dJa2hveGh0aEJ5S09KbUdWUGgrTXVEVzhvNU9MS2ZsUGY1OFJ0ekNMNFAxZGlLYytSMU42dHRlVXZZPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(2fdc7e48a6ee32f4a5783776f0451b0e).jpg)
“Is it just me or does the Tree of Life experience sound a lot like a psychedelic trip?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVnozQ3dZM1pGRk5BOWdWNjVBQkFVN3gwMnBIT0tGam5LcytTZWRzcHlrVGIrZnV1UGpvcFRuT29tNmk1OUZxZnJUWkxKS2h2akwyL1FaV08rMU1ZMVIxWHptMm5ucjRXdG5MVUsrOFpUb0VwYXAvUllQb2MzQklrUVVKNkFBcHhLS2VRSzI4bWRaUmRYQVN5VC9rNGcrTEJsR0RpeDBoeUlSTXJmcmo0cVl2aWoydXF4OCtjcnFZd1Z4N3AyaWtiWDdHa0xQeDZBUElveDdGSDJycDRpdQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(02349715c4c7fce7fa9e4eb88ffca52d).jpg)
“I asked my Mormon friend if she’s read the whole Book of Mormon, and she said she’s waiting for the audiobook version narrated by Morgan Freeman.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRTblU1OUpvbUpoSTFnUEo5NEgrN2tVdHgyTmdHMkZlZ3laWWJrUjNYNWFjckVUeERKL3llTjRKVlo5dG4xRHlMQTgxajlZZnJVNWVEWmV4UzdEazZST0lhcFNIa3B4NitPNWhTM0hRMHBMdWRhcnBoNU1lSXJtUHhUU1h1NmxnPT0%3D/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(e5bb8953d7a98c187fecc7b19be8720a).jpg)
“Why did the Nephite go to the orthodontist? To get his Liahona retainer fixed.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYkQ2R3ZhU3gvdUxheW40WlkwTExiZWdVZm1Bck4rY2p4dk5peDBCQ1c2bmh2UGpiTnlydlJxSUg3SjZ6K1lvaUQ0QnErbDEyVUk5LzJwbm9ZR0p4VXRyMFRvU3RhU3BOTS9Rc0F2cjNmZzJrdlB1aFZWamUwbjRrNlAzSnhiNWs1YWRqbnordERCRE5IK2VOR211VDB6QjJxa3VtSUd5MTF4RzdYdVBtSlk2/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(4c11df64b66f86ab2bc61915fbeb6096).jpg)
“They say prayer can move mountains, but my Mormon friend knows that tithing can move her bishop to tears.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjhFOTVrb2Qzb0hwM2hpOHZZeUJNSkIvKzFIK3JhdzBlMFVBQVNFeS9oSmJDWS9uMnFoSTJqczdaTENIYlBZcmlTS3JFR1phQ1E0WlRMMXVaeU5iN0tBM25ZUWsrRVRnNFhyVDVOZUZwQnpWWmw5eFRDT0p6Z2trT0ZQREJJL3lqMlpSR0YzU3lWcVk3NjNjUmtqMm9ybFJJOGVEU1Y1RThJT3dSSTVwVnQ1cDNGdkNLM2g2amlJa0JLcndGdG5DM3ZraW5UWlE0cXNDeHJnbEU5a1JxQ1JWTkNvYlk4MlNMWlJnekZMbmZtTg%3D%3D/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(171d1444689afb83e89e2ddbb825cd5c).jpg)
“I heard the Brass Plates were actually just an early prototype of the iPad. Joseph Smith was way ahead of his time.” 1 YEAR COUPLE ANNIVERSARY QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYXNzSUJoeS84bHFVMFl4eVNkcmRmRGFhbVhLU3oyR29XcUpRS1RWc05ObEUvSzFMVGJ2eTJJaFlXUTUzeExBQmdEcHpSQjJXQ3NmcmxzbTl3V2RyYlI3MTg5KzdiZFJHRGZFMHphTGlvR2JodWFVYlRkSW40cHlndnVuUkkrUHF4VWx4RENZdnEvUmY1eXZqMkNObGt1cTJJOHRVbjZ5UnJLZm9iSVZpWnlu/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(c81a270640cbf35303d9c59dc26175d2).jpg)
“What did the Nephites say to the Lamanites during a basketball game? ‘We’re gonna slay you!'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVdFQkZuNzVNZzJZY3J2TnAwc2Q4ajgyMWpnaXN2UnpiaUpMQ1BrQTRtenpSSlpuems4dWNaUDF1RS8wRlBSUTYwMzYrb1haVmsyblV4Sk1hRUlOa0pmd0M3SGFqWVZYakxyUkRBSnJsM2psODJaWC9MS2FTVHFCWTYrN3hHaFh2d293TENxVGg3dUtiZEFvL3QyK3lVUFZIMU9yZnRFcWRnT2t6VFdTWlFGSjh2Q0xydHZsYXVZUFdST0ptdXNxdz09/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(62235bd17c814ab7b3e1134b61f42fc7).jpg)
“I’m not saying the Nephites liked to party, but I heard they invented glow sticks during one of their festivals.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVnozQ3dZM1pGRk5BOWdWNjVBQkFVNzJmcmZLVzNmZHpXeHdkckg0UUN6ZnhvdjJQdGNmZlpDRmxLY2Q2NTEwL1NqNXRocDBtajBkSXYvTTRDRDdXNFI5V0pUL2hVUFFLRU1uejdRaXE2RE9LbUdiMXJUV1FZMkd4M1VOUGkyakQyTy90cm5OdG5sUXZkcldHZTRJbDF4/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(58ffc528556a4777437e3c7164bfacc9).jpg)
“I asked my Mormon friend if she believes in ghosts, and she said ‘only Kolob-tergeists’.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRTblU1OUpvbUpoSTFnUEo5NEgrNTJJdVU5c2xqSTBHelFRUEZab2RvREthUmpTTkFnbmdxam1PZmI5NVYxQnc1YWFmeWRaQktqSEk4OGJVRHBvUklES2pVRVViYmNDbUc5QWM5TkhjT1FubEIyOVlsNjVBM2lDRnM5b0ZQTDl1Z3ZFSzFTQ2dJNHZHR1ljd0RCWGt0dnJUamIvVm5hSVZybkVhNkIwZm5X/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(a37eb10f2597215f1c93f6ee5c79e1ec).jpg)
“Why did the Nephites never win at charades? They couldn’t keep their secret handshakes a secret.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYkQ2R3ZhU3gvdUxheW40WlkwTExiZG9XS2JaWWtFSkpSclJETlROMWYxUEF4eng0NzJTeHEzT0d6cUxoekRtU3J1UlNDeTdyVVlYQ08yK3pha2N4NEhUbmIwYTZpNjl1bmV1M2c5MHdWZ0tEQnpOU2hXYlJpQ0FJb1l4WlVkQXZWUnZCUERqUGkzL0h6ODdXZXRKMk9BRzlObjcrQ1dFWEpoN1c3SmNqZVVuZkxwd0dya0hGbXBuZmwyWmZ4dk1mZz09/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(0ea159eeaff2e196d5bd60da400d34c5).jpg)
“They say ‘families are forever,’ but sometimes I wish they were only ‘every other weekend’.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVnozQ3dZM1pGRk5BOWdWNjVBQkFVNzdUbFAvdVoxamhpQlJxbU1qOHNCTWJLSzg4RmJQOXRoN0F6UHBjU2t1NXJrSS81VS9IMVFVT0JBVkttLzB2dThiVnZkV2JETHpreGh3OHd2RXRFdmlXZjl2Mng3RllkSnorVWU0anp6RVpsY3ZPcHJNZ0FQNVVMTldYOHlaZGswYlVTQnIvSEhDcWdSZTdtVkl2VTBJbUNPQXI3ak9zUlQ5MzdOM1kwSVdsWT0%3D/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(9bc3975611f25ff27aebc1d632a7e35a).jpg)
“I asked my Mormon friend if she’s ever used the phrase ‘I’ll do anything for the celestial kingdom’ as a pick-up line.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMVERmR0RGb3VYcG5BeW5mOE1FU1hKdlNPT1plOTFxdHp6TytsUzRZc2YvbUxFOVNYMkZmK0pRSFQwdmhRSTU1RndYM1BrNWlka3JxK2d0d3Jmc1lCQUNqR05xemtMTFljRGtQNkwxd0xQcWNDMFZIS3FmWk1USGJ4dkttWC9CTHQ1b1pLZmxTYU1lQnI5ckRIdStYYnYzTFQ1enNZemJ5c2k4V3k5K1JyK29wMGlPdzdRZFNvTldrcUQ5UVVvRXkzZz0%3D/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(6021dacf5ed42636c0deef2147bd07a3).jpg)
“I tried to read the Book of Mormon, but it turns out ‘prophecy’ is just another word for ‘spoiler alert’.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjhFOTVrb2Qzb0hwM2hpOHZZeUJNS3MxajNQQ21hUGZVamduRVlXdlJjbEptaUkzcGhrRFNMZUdOYmNTSzJaK2RUTGdxRjA0TVluZElxR09mOUVyd0Z4VE9SL0dxKzYrNVZXWStqNnNxYmdpbG9GaSs2ZTJxbW5GUVUvN1VKRFZsczlVUEJ4aElQbjl1L3BYeEY0OVdwZXp0cVl0UWFnQ29RazVPTTdHVEFJ/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(d85ceb938e246f28cbc9f435d830c82c).jpg)
“I heard the Nephite warriors were so fierce, they actually used a Liar Sword instead of a Lightsaber.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYkQ2R3ZhU3gvdUxheW40WlkwTExiZHhBakc5MXdKUW1qaWlVRXRRZHFtRGxzc0ZrL29iZXk0OE0xb3NON1c3WUNNS2Z3eHE3cHEzcVlSelltdXo5bXp4NWtlUDNPRDhJdldoNmhCQmRjczNFK1BvZ2NKVFFQV1dDcmI3U1ovY3BlTVloMHIzNFpBUmJPeHE1dUhrMnc1MHU0YVRsbXNmeTRRdjFyVFc1aWxy/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(cd114d88a11383a8989f622d8deda910).jpg)
“They say ‘choose the right’, but I think ‘choose the left’ is a valid life option too.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVnozQ3dZM1pGRk5BOWdWNjVBQkFVNzdUbFAvdVoxamhpQlJxbU1qOHNCTVdzRkJ1akxBenAvS1NUcGRpamZuT1ZPNmhtcllIbzVDTy9MTTlEYmxZVldVYk1GZlFHdGx3SjU2dk5NdUl1ejExekV3THZqMjB1eGxSeTJQcitvemttR3lyYmJYdkVIK0Y3M29tZkplcmFFWTMzdk9YNDN6MDR6eWFMbkhITlc2bVRyMk8rQ0Ruc1VJRkRQQ0h6OUFadz0%3D/FUNNY+BOOK+OF+MORMON+QUOTES/(90f73eedc740035fcb79e1e4691a5878).jpg)
“I asked my Mormon friend if she’s ever seen the golden plates, and she said ‘only when she went shopping in Sephora’.”