“Did you hear about the car that broke down? It was tire-d!”

“I’m not a great driver, I’m an excellent parker!”

“I don’t run from my problems, I prefer to drive away from them.”

“Driving a car is like riding a bicycle, except the bicycle bursts into flames when you crash.”

“I’m not reckless, I just like to press my luck while the brakes work.”

“I used to have a fear of speed bumps, but I got over it.”

“If everything seems to be going well, you’ve obviously overlooked something.”

“Why did the car bring a coat to the mechanic? It heard it might need a radiator cap!”

“The road to success is always under construction.”

“I’m not speeding, I’m qualifying for the Daytona 500!”

“Why did the car go to therapy? It had a lot of emotional baggage!”


“I wish my car could refill itself like my bank account does.”

“Why did the car become a singer? It always wanted to take the highway to the danger zone!”

“My car’s gas gauge is like my bank account – it only reminds me I’m running on empty.”

“I’ve tried jogging, but I just can’t keep the ice cream truck in sight.”

“The car may not be fast, but my hair definitely is when the window’s down.”

“I don’t make mistakes while driving, I just have unexpected pit stops.”

“You know you’re a true car enthusiast when you use ‘horsepower’ as a unit of measurement for your vacuum cleaner.”

“Why did the car join the baseball team? It wanted to be a home run hitter!”

“I bought a car with a swimming pool in the back seat – turns out it was just a sunroof leak.”

“My car and I have a lot in common – we both make a lot of noise, and we’re not as quick as we used to be!”