FUNNY CHRISTMAS GREETINGS QUOTES

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Buddy the Elf

“Christmas is a season when you get homesick even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” – Unknown

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“The only blind spot during the holidays is pretending you can’t see all the extra calories.” – Unknown

“Who needs snowflakes when we can have seashells? Merry coastal Christmas!” – Unknown

“The Christmas season is like a treadmill. You spend a lot of money and end up gaining weight.” – Unknown

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz

“First, we’ll eat, then we’ll do everything else.” – Unknown

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar

“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.” – Unknown

“The best way to get your Christmas shopping done early is to accidentally leave your wallet at the store.” – Unknown

“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan

“The best thing about Christmas is that it’s socially acceptable to binge-eat cookies and drink wine in the middle of the day.” – Unknown EMPOWERING QUOTES ABOUT WOMEN

“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.” – Bob Phillips

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” – Unknown

“Why did Santa go to school? To improve his “elf-esteem”!” – Unknown

“Roses are reddish, violets are bluish, if it weren’t for Christmas, we’d all be Jewish!” – Benny Hill

“Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear!” – Unknown

“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller

“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan

“Remember, Santa saw you dancing, so just own it this Christmas.” – Unknown

“Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth, sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.” – Richelle Goodrich

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, goodwill to men, and batteries not included.” – Unknown

“Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.” – Richard Lamm

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson

“Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge