FUNNY CHRISTMAS QUOTES UK

“Christmas is the time when everyone wants their past forgotten and their present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple

“Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit!” – Anonymous

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying: ‘Toys not included.'” – Bernard Manning

“Whoever said ‘All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth’ clearly never had to pay for braces.” – Anonymous

“Christmas is a time for families to come together. But let’s be honest, it’s mostly for the food.” – Anonymous

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loudly for all to hear… or just turn up the volume on Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’.” – Anonymous

“The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” – Julius Sharpe

“Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had low ‘elf’ esteem!” – Anonymous

“Remember, if Christmas isn’t found in your heart, you won’t find it under a tree.” – Charlotte Carpenter

“I asked Santa for a treadmill this Christmas. I don’t want to be fit, I just want to be able to eat as much as I like without getting fat!” – Anonymous HINDI QUOTES ON MOTHER

“Kids, don’t believe everything you hear about Santa. Just believe that mummy and daddy bought the presents and ate the cookies.” – Anonymous

“Christmas is the only time of year when it’s acceptable to sit down in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.” – Anonymous

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Anonymous

“I’m dreaming of white Christmas…but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” – Anonymous

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: ‘Peace on Earth,’ ‘Goodwill to Men,’ and ‘Batteries not included.'” – Anonymous

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson

“The best way to spread Christmas magic is to sneeze glitter.” – Anonymous

“I asked for a fat bank account for Christmas. Now I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure my metabolism has a flaw.” – Anonymous

“This Christmas, let’s take a moment to remember the true meaning of the holiday- presents!” – Anonymous

“I love Christmas music so much, I could listen to it all year round… said no one ever.” – Anonymous