“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.” – Unknown

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz

“First, we’ll eat, then we’ll do everything else.” – Unknown

“Nothing says holiday like a cheese log.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick — even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Will Ferrell, Elf

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” – Unknown

“Christmas is the time to shop till you drop… and then stop for a snack.” – Unknown FUNNY PAINTBALL QUOTES

“It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.” – Unknown

“I don’t need mistletoe to kiss you. You’re too sweet to resist.” – Unknown

“Christmas is the time to party all night long… and then wake up early for presents.” – Unknown

“The awkward moment when Santa gets stuck in the chimney… and there’s no fireplace.” – Unknown

“Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own presents.” – Unknown

“Christmas is like a job: you do all the work, but the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.” – Unknown

“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.” – Unknown

“What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!” – Unknown

“Christmas cookies and happy hearts, this is how the holiday starts.” – Unknown

“Christmas: the only time of year it’s socially acceptable to wear a hideous sweater in public.” – Unknown

“Why is a Christmas tree so bad at knitting? It keeps dropping its needles!” – Unknown

“I told Santa I wanted a fat bank account and a thin body. He thought it was a joke, but now he’s my personal trainer.” – Unknown