“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”

“I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a mission to rearrange the furniture.”

“I will stop procrastinating tomorrow.”

“Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.”

“I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.”

“I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.”

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”

“I’m not saying I’m Batman, I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

“I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.”

“The only thing I’m committed to right now is avoiding commitments.” FUNNY DAILY QUOTES FOR WORK

“I’m not sarcastic, I’m just fluent in a language called Sarcasm.”

“I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.”

“I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.”

“I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.”

“My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.”

“I can’t adult today, please don’t make me adult.”

“I’m not sure if I’m allergic to mornings or if they just hate me.”

“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a few payments.”

“My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.”

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are still under construction.”

“I speak fluent sarcasm, it’s my second language.”