“I may be old, but I’m still young at heart. It’s just my body that’s failing me!”

“I have a sophisticated sense of humor. That means I laugh at my own jokes.”

“Age is just a number, but wrinkles are a gentle reminder that numbers can sometimes be cruel.”

“I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not so sure.”

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”

“I’m not clumsy. I’m just trying to avoid the floor’s hugs!”

“I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.”

“I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me up!”

“I don’t need a personal trainer. The wind in my face when I chase after the ice cream truck is enough motivation!”

“If life gives you lemons, just add some vodka and tonic. Cheers!”

“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life!”

“I’m not crazy! The voices inside my head are just having a party.”

“I used to be flexible. Now I can’t even touch my toes without groaning.” MISSING MY FRIEND QUOTES

“Some people say I have a short attention span, but I don’t think that’s true. Oh look, a squirrel!”

“I’m not a baker, but I can definitely make some good dough – the edible kind, I mean.”

“I don’t have a midlife crisis. I have a midlife celebration, complete with confetti and chocolate cake!”

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

“I don’t diet. I just eat whatever I want, and let the chips (or in my case, chocolate) fall where they may!”

“I don’t snore. I dream of being a motorcycle, that’s all!”

“I don’t need glasses. I just like to wear them to make everyone else look blurry and attractive!”

“I don’t need an expensive gym membership. I have my TV remote, and that’s enough exercise for me!”

“I don’t need a personal stylist. Mismatched socks and bedhead are my signature look!”

“I don’t need an excuse to have fun. Life is too short for boring and serious!”

“I don’t need a personal chef. I’m perfectly capable of burning toast all by myself.”

“I don’t need a therapist. Laughter is the best medicine, and I’ve got a great sense of humor!”