FUNNY FACTS ABOUT LIFE QUOTES

“Life is like a sandwich – the more you add to it, the better it becomes.” – Unknown

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips

“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Unknown

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” – George Burns

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

“My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.” – Unknown

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

“Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but it’s your choice to scream or enjoy the ride.” – Unknown

“If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.” – Unknown

“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray

“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Tommy Cooper

“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katherine Hepburn

“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.” – Natalie Wood

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams HURTFUL QUOTES ABOUT FRIENDS

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.” – Unknown

“I’m not clumsy. It’s just that the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.” – Unknown

“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.” – Unknown

“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.” – Unknown

“A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“Marriage is like a workshop. The husband works and the wife shops.” – Unknown

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown

“If you can’t convince them, confuse them.” – Harry S. Truman

“The trouble with life is there’s no background music.” – Unknown