“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Joyce Brothers

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

“When you steal someone’s heart, their fortune is no longer safe.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash

“My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.” – Ray Romano

“Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.” – Bill Murray

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

“A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.” – Unknown

“Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.” – Pauline Thomason

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Ann Bancroft

“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” – Oscar Wilde INSPIRING MICHAEL JORDAN QUOTES

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

“Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park!” – Unknown

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” – François de La Rochefoucauld

“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.'” – Unknown

“Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.” – Unknown

“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” – Michel de Montaigne

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner

“When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.” – Unknown

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

“The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.” – Groucho Marx