FUNNY GOSPEL QUOTES

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy saving mode.”

“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.”

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

“I’m not clumsy, I’m just allergic to gravity.”

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

“The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.” DEAR DAUGHTER THANK YOU DAUGHTER QUOTES

“Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”

“I may be old, but at least I got to see all of the good bands live.”

“I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.”

“I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, and 4% Friday.”

“I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”

“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”

“I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.”

“I used to be a hoarder, but I really cleaned up my act.”

“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”

“I finally figured out what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side, there’s nothing right, and on the right side, there’s nothing left!”