FUNNY LEGAL QUOTES

“I have a lawyer friend who is so good at her job that she can convince you to pay her bill even if you are innocent!”

“Lawyers are the only professionals who can help you get out of trouble that they might have gotten you into.”

“Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Because even the sand is too guilty for them!”

“A lawyer walks into a bar… and finds an escape clause.”

“Lawyers are like mushrooms, they keep popping up all over the place and can be quite dangerous if you’re not careful!”

“My lawyer told me I should settle out of court, so I took his advice and became a judge at a tennis tournament.”

“Why did the lawyer become a chef? Because he knew how to cook up evidence!”

“A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge’s golf handicap.”

“Why do lawyers love Shakespeare? Because they love a good ‘motion’ in court!”

“Lawyers are like vampires, they only come out at night and love to suck the life out of you in court!”

“How do you know a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.”

“If a lawyer can be disbarred for professional misconduct, can an architect be disbricked for construction misconduct?”

“Lawyers have to keep their arguments brief, otherwise, they might be held in contempt of court… and fashion!”

“Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? He wanted to present his case step by step!”

“A lawyer’s favorite dessert is just a torte waiting to happen!”

“I asked my lawyer if he could help me get acquitted from jury duty, but all he did was object!” QUOTES FOR LITTLE DAUGHTER

“Why did the lawyer bring a pepper spray to court? In case of a spicy cross-examination!”

“Lawyers are like glue – they stick to any case until it is settled!”

“Why do lawyers make good comedians? Because they’re experts at splitting sides!”

“Why did the lawyer become a plumber? He excelled at handling leaky cases!”

“What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more per hour.”

“I told my lawyer I wanted to file for divorce, and he said, ‘Do you have a good case?’ I said, ‘Of course, I have a Samsonite!'”

“Lawyers are like cats – they always land on their feet, especially if they’re billing by the hour.”

“A lawyer’s favorite type of music? Legal tender!”

“Why did the lawyer become a musician? He had a great sense of ‘appeal!'”

“Lawyers are like onions – they have layers, make you cry, and sometimes you just want to throw them in a stew.”

“How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips start billing!”

“Why did the lawyer become a magician? He loved to make evidence disappear!”

“Lawyers are like coffins – they’re always carrying a lot of briefs!”

“Why did the lawyer become a farmer? He was tired of the courtroom and wanted to sow and ‘reap’ some justice!”