FUNNY LIFE SAYINGS AND QUOTES

“I’m not clumsy, I’m just falling with style.” – Toy Story

“I’m not lazy, I’m just in energy-saving mode.”

“Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.”

“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”

“Life is too short to be taken seriously. Laugh at yourself!”

“The road to success is always under construction.”

“I’m not procrastinating, I’m just on motivational standby.”

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She hugged me.”

“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

“I finally realized that diet stands for ‘Did I Eat That?'”

“I can resist everything except temptation…and pizza.”

“I’m not afraid of heights, just widths and lengths.” NEW PARAGRAPH FOR QUOTES

“I may be a beginner at some things, but I excel at being awesome.”

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”

“I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock-hard abs.”

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”

“I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee!”

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of loan payments.”

“I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.”

“I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks.”

“I may be short, but I’m full-sized fun!”

“My wallet is like an onion, whenever I open it, it makes me cry.”

“I accidentally chewed on a pen and now I’m blue.”