FUNNY NEW MOTHER QUOTES

“Being a mom means never sleeping again… unless it’s on the toilet.”

“I used to have a social life. Now I have a baby to Instagram.”

“I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom. Just kidding, I’m totally a regular mom and I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“I used to think I knew what tiredness was. Then I became a mom.”

“Motherhood: When going to the grocery store alone feels like a vacation.”

“Sometimes I wonder how I survive on such little sleep. Then I remember, coffee.”

“Before kids: I used to have nice things. Now my house is decorated with chewed-up toys and baby drool.”

“The best part about being a mom is getting to eat your kid’s leftovers.”

“Being a mom is a constant battle between wanting to stay in bed all day and wanting to clean all the things.”

“I never knew how much I could simultaneously love and want to dropkick a tiny human until I became a mother.”

“It’s amazing how quickly a baby can turn a nice, clean house into a tornado zone.”

“Motherhood is like a crash course in time management, except you never actually graduate.”

“I used to be fun and spontaneous. Now I’m just tired and covered in baby spit-up.”

“I never knew I could function on so little sleep… or coffee.” TRUST IS EVERYTHING IN A RELATIONSHIP QUOTES

“Becoming a mom is like becoming a superhero, but instead of a cape, you get covered in baby poop.”

“I thought I had experienced love before, but then I had a baby and my heart exploded.”

“The moment you become a mother, you suddenly have the ability to do things with one hand while holding a baby in the other.”

“I never knew I could excel in multitasking until I became a mom. I can now eat, clean, and baby-wrangle all at once!”

“The best piece of parenting advice I’ve received is to lower my expectations… and increase my caffeine intake.”

“Becoming a mom is like joining a secret society. We all nod and smile, knowing the sleep-deprivation struggle is real.”

“A baby’s cry is the world’s most effective alarm clock.”

“I used to think I was a patient person. Then I became a mom and realized I had a whole new level of patience I didn’t even know existed.”

“Life before kids: showering every day. Life with kids: celebrating a three-minute shower like it’s a spa day.”

“People say having a baby changes everything, and they’re right. I now have weird stains on my clothes and a permanent smell of baby powder in my hair.”

“Sleep deprivation: the ultimate form of birth control.”

“Being a mom means having a constant audience for your really bad dance moves and off-key singing. My baby’s not a fan.”