FUNNY NICK MILLER QUOTES

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“I’m not convinced I know how to read, I’ve just memorized a lot of words.”

“I’m allergic to feelings. Okay, okay, I’m not allergic to them, I’m like lactose intolerant for feelings.”

“I’m not convinced I know how to cry – I’ve never seen me do it.”

“I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

“I’m a lover, not a fighter. Actually, I’m more of a non-participator.”

“I’m not the best at talking to people. Talking to people is tough for me. Talking to anybody is tough for me. I’m really not a big… talker.”

“I’m not saying I hate people, what I’m saying is that I understand why Noah only took animals on the ark.”

“I’m not a professional plumber, but I can handle some light toilet work.”

“I’m not that easily offended. Trust me, I’ve had to stomach a lot of Schmidt’s open-mouth chewing.”

“I’m not a bartender. I just have a lot of experience with alcohol.”

“I’m not actually allergic to studying, it’s just that reading gives me massive headaches and the urge to throw up.”

“I’m not great at commitment. Actually, I’m more of a ‘walk away and pretend nothing happened’ kind of guy.” ONE SIDED CRUSH QUOTES

“I’m not the kind of guy who uses Robin Hood-style morality to justify not paying taxes. Mostly because I don’t pay taxes.”

“I’m not actually funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.”

“I’m not an expert at anything. Except maybe passive-aggression, I’m pretty much an expert at that.”

“I’m not good at acting normal. Normal people are boring, and I’m not boring.”

“I’m not into making decisions. Actually, I’m more of a ‘let’s see what happens’ kind of guy.”

“I’m not a morning person. Actually, I’m not really a person until 11:00 am.”

“I’m not easily impressed. I mean, I’ve watched Schmidt attempt to do push-ups.”

“I’m not good at expressing emotions. I’m more of a ‘bottle it up until it explodes’ kind of person.”

“I’m not great at making friends. I tend to repel them with my excessive awkwardness.”

“I’m not saying I have commitment issues. I just prefer to keep my options open, forever.”

ONE SIDED CRUSH QUOTES