![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYWNZU3ZNT1RKOXcveE94cHl6UGhVV1JqVWw3bGZXY1JsNzJvZGVXUDJldkt6OUNKUHFPZGZ1R1FpcFc3TUVvUnFGTlN1bVFpKzNkSWh6dVZlV01iK01MNXUvRVlTVWNHU3JqMnZwSmN0Z0RmWkhMYlROdzhCOU9qb2twNHA3UkpSejZoVWNZZWRRWStuL0tzMGNKdVhnPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(0bf3d31bf0e1086cccb33adbe9da41e9).jpg)
“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.” – Woody Allen
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY2svbkMraDFhRlNNakIzTEZoTDcrZDdheWQ1azJESTUwd2pHRER2MGZadVRTQ0FPdUhxdkxGaGZNamJ4ZWZUSkpWdlZzMzc1SWt4R0t6S1MvZUhlYWdQcHRkRGVCbU0zNCs4WW1veGIvVjV0Ny8vdUhtSFUyUUdJYzROOFVCT1g0PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(e08bad7607b18765fa13d8370d3ae000).jpg)
“I’m a simple person who hides a thousand feelings behind the happiest smile.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRWbmNJamdWWk5kdE1wNTlpMjRWUlJwQzF0cWlvTjJpQ3JPNUJRN00rNzBGOFZ2MWpDTFh3MFE2TUE0aU1udVI1WDgwd1JlR2xjUmhvTGxsOWV3ZGs9/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(5639f03182d657c00677bb4db26c78e2).jpg)
“Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0p5cU1nc215NDc1M0h1aWYvOE50azdpK0dKU3VYbkx6bDZwZE5lc2hqVzVTR1Nua09FVTlKUW01WnVkeWZKNi9ZeUNUdlBZQTRsYXdBUmtLaDNIakRwMXI0NmQweTNmaFBvZ2hlMjF4alhINVA0TE5LczRxU3haNlZ4TkR4Z1ZpMXRHTExqUVR0NUtncldIaEREYVdEMEJSUVl1RU8rcUd6RGhDUzNpdzdYZz09/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(db599cab520d883054f36f5833d76b6b).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z3dubVFSa3pQYWtqV2h5RFh6WlpGZjNzdnVIU0VCcytENmpVd1VWMGVCTU51VkY4b1JyNkdwVnZ0YTNyTjdKYStQdVNZZElac1FDR3o2SlhTRHdxVTk2OUhmT0FkQ0dEd2I2Z3N5bVg4WjFnaDdnUDdvZjlkK3IxdXVqaStFNmFnPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(80d451213f47e4231d7324f33848d5d6).jpg)
“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDaU0xdUY5MVVLWTJnY043TU1pNDZLMnU4VW1hODVzcmd2cHV0RTd4WkZCemhYdzJrUXpIWGFGQUJCNmRaRXBGVGs9/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(fc926d537af7360a106a2efe91a6f192).jpg)
“The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZVVha0ZRc0M1WmFyZXZiVFJaa3EvUER6QnFFaUJIdEwvMSswdXRYUVhpNFpMM2pPeEJ4OWwyY0dnaG5zQWkwMkFDZWhLZ2lkUW1YMG1sWUtyZGRkVXlzZWxFNjM1Tzdka1Jycko3SG5CUGU1TmpOenJEczY0WnJnQmdUWWc1dDlvS2JvL3g2azNLaUFrRTBMc1IzS2Y4PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(53b3260b3d3bedb032246ae43255fe72).jpg)
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZUZicng1S2VhOWh5QkpBR0pWcGVLUU1EYmNjR0dEMHlKL3FLTmU5RGNKRVRZeXJBTnAvWEZ6NnVPU1pQSVdKZTdzcmJzelpSQ3ZZVjVIWGg5ZnF6WnU%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(92b9dc6560bb3d56a9cf632221685a67).jpg)
“I’m not a player, I just crush a lot… of candy.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWtZTVZ3UXMveGtMUWFCdEdlZGZjUkdRc0VpZkFXUlMydWRyMGU3NGdnMi80SFZJTWRzV0V4UURkNGE2YXJqNVZrWHIrVXBDa29CNHg5Ri9lckJ2WUc%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(81258375b3c5293d7161419568e37391).jpg)
“I don’t need a vacation, I just need a new phone battery.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUjVrR1FUWUhIWXlncDFwaWlROWxUVjIwL0hRb05Hb1BtWk1PakFaWm44cFl4bDh0SlZQZmQvajhiZ25mNDlKa1dKZTBUd004YndXTlVxc1JZRElsbWs9/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(db9deb18345171c466ca5cbb94b884e6).jpg)
“I love my bed, but I’d rather be in yours.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZnRrRGdkVGhOSC91OWZONkFOajlMVm02elNLYW83akZyV0dLWVYrK3l1bzdTQWl0Q2h1NE8vanVqTzJsb3hTZVo%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(d8c401eb8f2fc775c3819afcc0d7f3c3).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkVLN0FaUFd2ZE9ENUd6dURjZUhVSEErVmdEbWt2ZU1TRWt3dmFiWmtxaUFQZ3ZqQUFqYlJMYmpGbnZXbzlMc1g1MlVOVzhHUi8xTzVxbFBXTjJhYlBsNzFJeEJKQ0N1Wjd2Vk55QlVBNDRBYVVXdFNFWmtNTXIxd2liRWcycUx4TitCTTFUV1N5MzRURkkvZzJweWQvVVd4MGFPaVR5WVZJQ1RUdXZvOVlIQS82ZlM1U2FiWnhuOUFzU2NrTGFKbGhidzl2LzAvSXFsK2ZGd2FwMWhKVQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(9cfbd166957463a4da1c26687536c6b5).jpg)
“I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from “You probably shouldn’t say that” to “What the hell, let’s see what happens.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRWbmNJamdWWk5kdE1wNTlpMjRWUjA0Wnd0ZDFYTlpHR2Vqc0FBcDlyZ1A2QmZldTdibkRzc3FjbStOMmFKM3RNZTZiVk9iRzRZMlFOR0Z2bFRscWtpVU40aVhDb2JKaTZmUTNnbGhvM25XUXhyZExFblpLSitoblc3YzBISU80L1Zldnl5cERRT3hDNGhKcEpBMWxYZGE3eVg2cnNqd0NaWm1UK3Bnclgy/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(5cc03f6a70c76b72572f19770cfd06d6).jpg)
“Life is too short to be serious. Let’s laugh at our own mistakes and make others laugh too.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYUhvVzlsUm5CdnN3Q2xrc042WXh6WmZuSkFENVEwbFZqZnBNK3NlTHJnTFNuS0JFVDd4dGNKanM2S0ZtU0RXN011R2tKUERxczN5RTZjS1A2aUNvV1pIT1RtNERvL2F0L05RNVc0UWJMU3JWaEVHZUw3YkhYQThSbW5TUmdNOXBmb2h5eUVncVloRnl2VWNYL3pDNUZSLzY2SitOcHlBYjVIVnZVc2F0cXRt/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(1de182fda32ffed0e0ecc1933a13617f).jpg)
“I would lose weight, but I don’t like losing.” A PERSON WHO FINDS FAULT IN EVERYTHING QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV0RXYVYwZjJlWGpleXVtTGJkWStTc0szczRBL1FqM2FUdVZnZjlnMG9HamdTeVZzY05jbmJNT3hZMTVSNnRjRnhoRW1vbjFLZVAzNDVZVEpSWlJyRGIxSkhobU5QdEdVL0VRbVAvWUhvc0o%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(63fd6b8cfd3a6271608bfd698d2dd529).jpg)
“I may be a hot mess, but at least I’m amusing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z0VyZEJvYkQ5LzVsY1pIZkhFWExraFNSUFJMLzlidmdwcUFLUmFUVDRaUkhrVXZicGJOeGc0Mm5OSGQreUpMTGtGK2dwUlNiOG03WHQvTE84cW94MVdXUkNTV1dJZEZOK0J0aE11KzFKcUp4bG1MNkgwK0h1UW9Sd0w5YmN1RnA4b3lJS1hpNHB3Y2JiU3dzelZTZFdU/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(e0d6c8dafc7daec60fbe51db5224a902).jpg)
“I don’t have a bucket list, but I do have a ‘fuck it’ list. It’s much more fun.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXRDTDA5OEdZTnJTaU4xbk9sMkFGUHRHbjZ1NFg0aFRpSHVEb3RmNEMybEt2OEk2QnZZTHlJZ0owNlBhWTVQcWlFLzJBampNWjlRV1VhbDdJYzJvRkNnOWJXcUVoWkhkd0hjdnhSbWVtMUJPMlVhUFQ1c0pHN2RVV3NEUzUxTHJnPT0%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(e689619963d9ef9eb4e62a43a9a516c1).jpg)
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2ZzN1SnhvcGcya28zSFV4WFZlU3VWTU8wYnhaRjhERGRqQXg1aHNmS3BOR3NETmErSThMNGlrV2NiREZRKzJUZWs9/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(009d738b03cd2a180c612e1e6fd41df0).jpg)
“I don’t trip, I do random gravity checks.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z1JDaW11WUZEQzdxRy9jbXJaS2FtRmlTOVJueW5GQ2VjNDUzMUltektZOFNjbkEwQ1dsRlVaZzNlQjJLS3FYZzArV2pWMlh2NThxN1NFTnpSampsMStBcC9lM2lLQ1JvbW1SVWR1RWJGL3FGZnhiaklCemRMUmZBZm80cEI4NDk0PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(e8d24e78c2d6fa914d2e64cdd4cabc1c).jpg)
“I don’t have an attitude problem, I have a personality you can’t handle.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV0RXYVYwZjJlWGpleXVtTGJkWStTc3hORlM1R29DWWVBNnhWajlONGptMlJFWHUyOEdHS2E2RDdWMldnRnlmREJveFlSSU92enRTU0tTcTl3dnRnNTg9/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(c0acc0f11344dee14cfc6c977fe0594b).jpg)
“I may be crazy, but crazy is better than boring.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZG92Tnh1YnRidTlUbzUwTHFKcmhBVTNxc0ZJcitwdUhLWGVjNWVzY1piSXlaNkJMeU80Vnh3TnBXZFVjS2d3d05nclAyclRGeTZiN1dMeXNxSEovOUFTL2lHMGpacVI3NjFacFpKL1FORXRDaWlaMlVCa0plaklsV3UxMmd2SExwMWdidHEvMEZMQTF3UTl5WEJKTWtFPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(49c2113c375b68a0036e82ebf963847e).jpg)
“Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. So, in essence, we’re all eating salad.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU2ErYkhRY1ROSVBxN1RXejZtVHBwRzNIRThXNjROZUliZWNsSUUrSXZ5cHZUQklCL0lpeWxUeW5vMEp5Q1E4aEY4RFgvUVhycnovVlRSUWlrMGxmL0xsY3JOYmcrVG1QZS90d0FiYUd3czM%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(feb1fa9f2d827e220698368cd3008995).jpg)
“I might not be perfect, but at least I’m not fake.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMVFBLT000NzVLZldiVStzK3IxZkdlb2hOTVNobDRCVUF4WVBKaERjcE10T3JLNEZ0WktMRjU4VlcvZGl2K1Q5VnVKWXhDZ0F6cy94NGU4Rm04cnR1Mmg%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(6cc3b533358f6ed03796acc7b4dc97cd).jpg)
“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVlFvVEVCUHJxSDlZVXdodWxZT2JHZm00RjB4bGNlWWhHZ0FYeXJrQ2lqcFdNZVJXNG9tbzZtUlVBZkMvenN1WVd3Z0d6MnBZbVZzYkxiRmk5RzRQZWVlbURNbnhFZWZyZU43NlBvcm1kd0g%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(10b9fc2310bea4160fd3e21b6b51498f).jpg)
“Haters gonna hate, I’m just gonna shake… it off.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUp6SWlDQ21oZWlVekt4K3hJMTM3cjBjdVJyNHBjeXVlc1JlN1hWaTgzWmpBdWtDcHE0NUxtTzRNUnhmSmdOK3B4alExRmF1ZUF4RFBkOHJGQ1V5cjVSa0dHR1d1SjZPR05XY1pYSGw0ZmE%3D/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(0762170e152d6baf0753a83805270acf).jpg)
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aGErQ0RaNlBOL29RQTZZeGFXOUZXR0IreXdGSGh6NUNJZ1VFWURCQ05BTk9NN1ZuVUo5Q3BtbjY0aDhVdHVRQnFLTm1BNWc5TkQzYnJLc2c1ZVdzQU05ZWFSNmREdlViWFFhRE5oS1dPUlVTZkJHTUlDeE1MemMwZVN4RlFha3FJZDJ5T1pxcTNPZG16UGlJVFJSSjRFZ2UweEJldnZJaVZJaklSWXZzVTRsUT09/FUNNY+POSITIVE+QUOTES+FOR+TODAY/(06a1791abc2055f03f7d4f22d4f34079).jpg)
“I don’t run away from my problems. I sit on the couch, play video games, and pretend they don’t exist.”