“Bible thumpers: the only people who can quote Leviticus but can’t find their way around the Ten Commandments.”

“Bible thumpers: proof that God has a sense of humor, and a twisted one at that.”

“Why do Bible thumpers always seem to skip over the parts about love thy neighbor and turn the other cheek?”

“Bible thumpers: because nothing says ‘I love you’ like quoting scripture at someone.”

“I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t walk around with a Bible, yelling ‘Hey look, it’s me in book form!”

“Bible thumpers: spreading the gospel one judgmental comment at a time.”

“Bible thumpers: the original telemarketers, but instead of selling you a product, they want to sell you eternal salvation.”

“Don’t worry, Bible thumpers, I’ll save you a seat in hell.”

“I’d rather have a book thumper than a Bible thumper any day.”

“Why do Bible thumpers think that scare tactics are an effective recruitment strategy?”

“They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but apparently the Bible thumper thinks scripture is mightier than anything.”

“Bible thumpers are like pop-up ads in real life. Annoying and impossible to escape.”

“Bible thumpers: because you can never have too many guilt trips in a day.”

“Bible thumpers have mastered the art of making you feel like you need salvation from conversation.”

“Next time a Bible thumper knocks on your door, just tell them your religion is ‘unsubscribe.'”

“Bible thumpers: they take ‘go forth and multiply’ quite literally when it comes to spreading their beliefs.” QUOTES ABOUT LIFE HAPPY

“Bible thumpers: your direct line to God’s voicemail, where he never answers but you leave a message anyway.”

“Bible thumpers always remind me of that person who insists on spoiling the ending of a movie you haven’t seen yet.”

“Bible thumpers: when they say ‘God loves you,’ it’s usually followed by a ‘but…'”

“Bible thumpers: they turn water into whine.”

“Bible thumpers: if you need instructions on how to live, just ask the nearest hypocrite.”

“Bible thumpers believe that heaven is a gated community, and they’re the neighborhood watch.”

“Bible thumpers: they make fortune tellers seem like realists.”

“Bible thumpers: when they open their mouths, logic takes a vacation.”

“Bible thumpers: the only people who think ‘The Book of Revelation’ is a proper form of contraception.”

“Bible thumpers: they’ll tell you the secrets of the universe, but they can’t figure out how to use Google.”

“Bible thumpers: if ignorance is bliss, they must be the happiest people on Earth.”

“Bible thumpers: they’d rather preach love than practice it.”

“Bible thumpers: one step closer to 100% commitment, one step farther from reality.”

“Bible thumpers: the reason why some people pray for the end of the world.”