FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT CHRISTMAS

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz

“Christmas: The only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.” – Anonymous

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas: Peace on Earth, goodwill to men, and please let there be no fruitcake.” – Anonymous

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear, unless you can’t carry a tune, then just smile a lot.” – Buddy the Elf (from the movie Elf)

“My husband’s idea of getting into the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge!” – Melanie White

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying ‘Toys not included’.” – Bernard Manning

“Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair do not make for a Saint!” – Gary Allan

“What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!” – Anonymous

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson

“You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” – Robert Paul

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, you’ll go down in history… as a tasty Christmas lunch!” – Anonymous

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry Seinfeld QUOTESGRAM QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even if you’re home.” – Carol Nelson

“Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!” – Anonymous

“I bought my son a Christmas stocking full of Coca-Cola, despite the fact that he doesn’t drink it. I can never resist an ironic gift.” – Jasper Carrott

“The only time of the year when overtaking a fat man in a sleigh is acceptable.” – Anonymous

“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller

“Santa won’t be coming this year… He died laughing when I told him you’d been good!” – Anonymous

“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” – Henny Youngman

“Christmas is a magical time of year… I’m broke and everything around me is covered in glitter.” – Anonymous

“The worst part about the holiday season is putting up with other people’s kids. – Anonymous

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” – Anonymous

“Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney? Because it soots him!” – Anonymous

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Phyllis Diller

“Christmas: The time of year when everyone gets Santamental.” – Anonymous

“The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” – Anonymous