“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”

“I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they appear.”

“I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.”

“I’m not a hoarder, I’m just a collector of memories… and stuff.”

“I’m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.”

“I put the ‘Pro’ in procrastination.”

“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.”

“I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me, the tables and chairs, too… and let’s not even talk about the walls!”

“I tried exercising once but found out I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very, very dangerous.”

“My goal in life is to become the person my dog thinks I am.”

“I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.”

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

“I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.”

“I tried to take a selfie but I ended up calling an exorcist.”

“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”

“If you can’t remember my name, just call me ‘Master of Disguise’.” QUOTES ABOUT LEAVING ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

“I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome.”

“I’m not old, I’m youthfully challenged.”

“I’m not sarcastic, I’m just having an intelligent conversation with myself.”

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”

“I’m not lazy, I just have 8 million tasks on my mind and zero motivation to start any of them.”

“I don’t snore, I dream I’m a motorcycle.”

“I’m not clumsy, it’s just the world around me that’s filled with traps and obstacles.”

“I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I do own a pair of gold-plated chopsticks.”

“I don’t need an alarm clock, my ideas wake me up.”

“I’m not forgetful, I’m selectively remembering important things.”

“I don’t make mistakes, I create learning opportunities.”

“I’m not indecisive, I’m just masterfully contemplating multiple options.”

“I’m not a control freak, I just like things done my way.”

“I’m not awkward, I’m just fluent in weirdness.”