FUNNY QUOTES AND SAYINGS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”

“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

“I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.”

“I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.”

“Marriage is like a game of chess—except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke, and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.”

“I’m not clumsy, I’m just gravity-challenged.”

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”

“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.”

“Chocolate doesn’t ask questions. Chocolate understands.”

“I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.”

“If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.”

“Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need an expert opinion.”

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”

“I’m not a complete idiot—some parts are missing.” GOOD WILL HUNTING QUOTES LOVE

“I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.”

“I’m not paranoid, but I know there’s a conspiracy to make me look like a fool.”

“I don’t go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.”

“Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!”

“I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me.”

“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is to eat 30% of their ice cream.”

“I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.”

“Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.”

“I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.”

“I cleaned my house for two hours, and after I was done, I realized I need a bigger house.”

“I’m in shape — round is a shape.”

“I don’t get older, I level up.”