![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TUlZTV3EyL21rOXRFZ1JWVUErK2dwVXorWDZkN1JyUDMrSXhqYTdEdXVUZDZiZW9XTjVaOEhmM0JaZTVybXJtdzVqZ1orWFFoRXN6VG9rUktnUi9VaGQ%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(baa22d0d74846240374ca65a6a978e69).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteUpQMFZzZlh0UmtyVzZxSFBVZzhOMU9kaWd2QmpUQUlwWERGK1ZRV1BzOWYwSjVXNm9QcWlHOFV4Lzl5RUd3RHI5RmNja3M5RnlLWmJDMUh3MGNMVVA%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(e7d8aeec62cd3ca2f46944d1d87a0249).jpg)
“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDEvYmFLUE16dW8yOHRWTG90V0RmRUM0QUR3WWlsSzA5bU5pSjM0b2l4NzRLaGNpbDIyYjk0QllpVVVQT0h3YWFwaFY4V1NVZDUwajNIMlA1V0g2UWNxQXV4SFZqVStERlE0WmlZN1M2Uit3PT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(825feb00356d29d0b6ab24088e6b84c0).jpg)
“I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z2EyemtBSmRuNTVXMENISklaaS80WFVxRGQxRndSeWtJeURKZ2VQSEhuWWNhNitxcFpjdGhsMUpBbUpSS0Q3c0NjS0VFVjRJSjhiVStkYkVwSHJrTUI%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(cde0d89e90a97fdb83d9e23215f643bc).jpg)
“I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV0lQRGhmbnkvNkNkNXFXUGRjb2FocElUenc0YnYwQVBDNWUwTnl4K1FyU3VvTGlobXpSL090S1B3a0ZHS0tVRWVoREJiSnNjMTRQaG9IWlBLbjZUZ0pSeWJEdHQyWUZQV2txaVVUNzBYMy85TUJKbFc2aVZTVHlqZHZ2N1ZSU2lsd2N3d0FySFV5UHE4RDRvSTFpRkdUdmFKQTkzc2xQTmsvTzYzZ0Y4VDBhMURtNzczOUphSHkzSWFsaGZWSHpEbnltYVJJSzJVcUhSQzM1U2xPYThUWXc3UVR0QlVCNGRGZWdBU201NWR0TQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(71f32e4fdf534a0e72fbbb8f6e31c2fb).jpg)
“Marriage is like a game of chess—except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke, and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZW5vTk9XNzlNT3dVQ1EvYzdlV0RVbGRpY1BaYys0MVhQN2lLNUVJVmliaC9zcnVHTC9MYkZTV1lXRDN3WVZkdzRCSldja3NyZWRNQjN5K0VsdGU3RzM%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(8254bf3b8d65248df2b8ea0f6e5552b5).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just gravity-challenged.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFelVwUmVpcHFqdFQ0VkhpbGlvWkdlRk83RENramRNMGNXV3ZxU1oxRko5OUtsOXc3THF5Q0E3aWRDNTFnQ0F0NEQzSGNoRDhsL3hUUTJqUUU1MU1GSDRxWVhwczRDUVhuSTgvWjh1S2RFTmF3PT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(1ba9c25b8b6b703f57b7401b134827dc).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUhtam5XalBwQTFwYWFjRGpFRlhMbmcxTU5ORUI1MFB0eS92cU5uQkRIMXJENW9MMjVPenhIV2lXdFBwSTQrTnRPR0ZPYVc1VC9tSW4zNHN4Um8yUHQwdGpTT2RxczVMWWIycTVyZkFCTHVwNW1kNzBWWThZUmhjSGJzVXFrdFNRPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(16f50e220d39bd78bba3c02639831bb5).jpg)
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZG92Tnh1YnRidTlUbzUwTHFKcmhBVVdnV0FvQnlYaHJIMVhxR2JuUGtqR2R4UHlMUE1BeFp2c0FYMENsa3QwdnNVQi9yMks0d056R1AyMVNVNVZ0UkE1bFd0b3prZUFOTlFBb3lwWTY3SjI%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(c895112b71f00f509a5c4363671caf96).jpg)
“Chocolate doesn’t ask questions. Chocolate understands.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY2VYbXpWM0ViN3ZRY3BBNmFLOTdNaEZtZ01BblpzdFVraEdBR2sreDNrRzNiM21teE54ZUJ5MGxxVjFlVys3YWs9/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(a71478c065a1c99e46c356183c73730f).jpg)
“I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZCs2ekVrWXNsVU9qTGtZZ1lDakg0bTNiZC9rWDNPZ3NKSTZyK0ErWEcwOGtSemQ3UFZ0OUtiWVlXMHd5L29zcUpMRnluZ0J4MWl5SnB6YU5JTHRYRjM5RkNjSDlydEhIK1FNMWMzZUpoT0o%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(b53872ce05d2c1d5735f38a19999f6b1).jpg)
“If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUJDN2JVUTNnVFlzaVU2YkViSVo3WEFGeFdnSWo4TGxHWHh6UFUrRlEySy9CMC9jWXp2SklNY09BNGx3MmxqMlRnT0h1MTJvYUFUT2RjWnBhRkFmWld3V0Fsa1Y3aHNLNTUxR1hoYlpuZ1Q%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(62505f819eec4ee4832b1a4087e715af).jpg)
“Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need an expert opinion.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z3dubVFSa3pQYWtqV2h5RFh6WlpGZjNzdnVIU0VCcytENmpVd1VWMGVCTU51VkY4b1JyNkdwVnZ0YTNyTjdKYStQdVNZZElac1FDR3o2SlhTRHdxVTk2OUhmT0FkQ0dEd2I2Z3N5bVg4WjFnaDdnUDdvZjlkK3IxdXVqaStFNmFnPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(80d451213f47e4231d7324f33848d5d6).jpg)
“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M2F6OWh5OHZLVkxER3ZRSVdHKytySmY1aXVzeHN2TnlPU2ljL3UyQVAzSjFTMkNzd21UN0UxamJrbkVQbnpUVGF1MUtYMTQyOGgwc0RmMm9SQ1Jmb3dHeHc4anJnU3c1QXR0SUpxUUU1SUtvPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(829e64f18d28990ec4d81c05adda0077).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot—some parts are missing.” GOOD WILL HUNTING QUOTES LOVE
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBtemRZWFpRTnk5ajlTckRmdHVBS2t4S1dSY2U4Yk5JdmJVS1Y3My9QRW5BZGE0Sks5TjJUY0k1TGlsM1dVaFpUZTRQVzlJNFgzMk1NeHhoeVdabjcxMFU%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(162e449b9e429c95916ba0de900747d1).jpg)
“I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZUlyNmxJN2trd20xd2lwSDhqS1dNbi9KcURoSFNySTZqY2lTQ2NiSnB2NVppZjZDOFE4eGRkNGZsOUlvbGdTY2ZvNnlPYVRtZHRyWDU4UGpLUkJ6RG5XU1k1eVcyTks5a253Q2duQjBqMkRTbzhocEFuVUpBc3YxVy9Sdm5Pd3N3PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(9d41c3d0d043b4a39b03d6697996c84f).jpg)
“I’m not paranoid, but I know there’s a conspiracy to make me look like a fool.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aGRPOWF3d0RrVi9tNzJOSHNCQVY4dTBnZ0xMKzY1MkRuM1ZMQkV2dkJTT2NGY1h2cjdLRHpvMnRNSmtPTEt0Y2NMb0s4bFhzdkdXRCtMdURiU0V1Z09mbFZlNUl2RGsxRXhtelBGbTkySmF3PT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(27cc491e999436d105cf65d3b8435e8f).jpg)
“I don’t go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWnJjbGxYbStZUk1VV1VsdDZmTEUrZ3ZzOGZrRk9VbW5iTDZKZE9SSW05azh4a3JlQjgxbElzSlphQy9XUnpXc0VoWnUxOGtNSklTajlSS2lobExYaGM9/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(1d3ea124925ab1081b8fe14d89c700fa).jpg)
“Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aTlKNXhoeWhCNS9jU1hyQ2FLOHdJd0Q1cVR3ZEFWSWdDclJuaDhLQ2VIVGhvS3hUQ3RWUWpZWldoTVk1U3RQL25uaUMrcFBqekhRTzcvVGhmUUxQcXg%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(4c876c5125db4d7251c75e1b91293cad).jpg)
“I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXN0cHFIUk1KWCtGVk5oa2VxNG9vcUNxZW5DK3h2NXNLTlFWYkdUK1NBdXVlWUVuc0tvNmpxbXJ5VzFZOFBrNTRpbGZQaU81WlowM2tJNUFYb3QzL1NRNHZEZ28xaTRVYnpIakdLQzRPYmxGWXBnUU90SkQ0RkQzcXlsZVU1a1NBPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(678d73a0b0f21e02c17f5260f6fe875e).jpg)
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is to eat 30% of their ice cream.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWJNRHg2cnR3czN2YnV3Ui9rSFFjMzdPTmlRdUZKcnl1emhpMnMzcksvMG03eFFkV0lHdlhNR2E0aldhWlU3L3Z6dDJRc2UyS2ZoRzZIK3JaU2l2WUg%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(047e6d89357614e5af1c013191fd154c).jpg)
“I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY0FlWjlFeUtrNG90TXJHeE9xaCtTckZTT2Q0Vnl5ZFhaMWdreHp2WWJwbHU3SDBOLzhoRUxYcEZDeXM3SmRPOGJmMWlnbFpuTWoyT2pGOU5zNzhVMlVoSStjdk5qNGhRWEY0ZHBvNUVabFI%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(d6d564323e8b086fd6f2b27f5706edd7).jpg)
“Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDUzQnRMVGFUT1FGYmp3TnIvTXNKMEQzUFFzRXA5dWdvZk13N3ZGbGJDR1RyUUw5M0lwakxOYWlPNm5Cd0x1Z2ZJYm5XcGxYN3F6TzljYTFyN2lZYit6cTRRZW1OUHRWempMYnU4dEVPN1hnPT0%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(943857a8b67dc43ed23aaddee8df65a3).jpg)
“I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZGYwc2Z4NVpES0NCVGoyUHdaeDNBYUIzS1E3NDh6NE5FK0ZPTllKWWcwamQ2a0M3cFF2aU1BOG9Ea28ya3A4NXpkL1BMTVNQSGFrWUpDRmkrUHFtWUlWUnduWE0ybXJ5NFEwNWtCbm9UbU9lbWJNNFRVSm10d0lTclN5VG9FNDAzeHVOUTNNWjBPYWtPRWpVVWZhclpVPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(8131c939a7b1ee62a786ebd668286b4c).jpg)
“I cleaned my house for two hours, and after I was done, I realized I need a bigger house.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlg4VUlNa1daMUxwR2NDamlBVjI1V3RwTEpPK2d0bG9HS0xrcTdvdmVRUFdKVkIrQ2Nyb3JIblJ3QmMvMnBmNTQ9/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(a10c5288dc6b8c4193d6d2ef17cd7aa6).jpg)
“I’m in shape — round is a shape.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWdpVklDL0pabmQxU0F2K1pNQzk1NVdwSHZTa1dZdDI1eVdKQjFUK2pQUWJyMkVsdHJOOTM3aUZVZXFPTHVOKzg9/FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS+TO+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH/(6a10501fb83edf1da1690530cebe4df5).jpg)
“I don’t get older, I level up.”